Once a sister, always a sister

My last blog entry was about my grandfather’s death (he passed away just a couple weeks ago). Exactly ten days after he died, I got a call from my sister’s fiance saying that she had also passed away. Of course, her death was unexpected since she is only 35 years old and wasn’t severely ill that any of us knew about. We knew she had some health problems, but none of us thought her life was seriously in danger.

I was stunned when I got the news and before it even registered, I felt dry sobs rack my body. I think I was too shocked for real tears to even form, but the fresh wave of grief had to come out in some way. I kept hoping it was a mistake, but when I spoke to the hospital nurses and the coroner, I knew it was no mistake.

I don’t want this post to be all depressing and whiny, but I also want it to be real. To be quite honest, my sister and I didn’t see eye to eye on a lot of things. We weren’t what you would call close, even though I think both of us really wanted that intimate relationship…we just didn’t know how to overcome certain obstacles that stood in our way.

However, regardless of whether we were extrememly close as adults or not, I can’t envision my childhood without my older sister. Growing up she was a mystery to me. Since we were six years apart in age, I always looked up to her. She was allowed to do things I wasn’t and could easily accomplish tasks I struggled with. She seemed ultra cool just because she was my big sister.

Of course, since we shared a room until I was 11 and she was 17, there were plenty of fights to be had as well. I was tidy and she was messy, I was cautious and she was bold, I was a tomboy and she was feminine…pretty much whatever I was, she seemed to be the opposite. Yin and yang, peanut butter and jelly, salt and pepper…two halves of one biological whole. Maybe that is why I now feel like a part of me has died with her.

So to my sister, my “sissy”, wherever you are, if you can hear me, I just want you to know I miss you and I loved you more than you probably even knew. And as Diana Ross and the Supremes once sang, “Someday, we’ll be together”…

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6 thoughts on “Once a sister, always a sister

  1. Maranda, my sister died suddenly almost 7 years ago. She was 31, and like your sister, engaged to be married. This post touched me in that raw place that formed in my heart the day she died. Thank you for sharing. Sibling grief can be the forgotten grief – everyone naturally sympathizes with the parent or the fiance. Please know that your loss is important to many others who have lost a sibling. God bless you.

  2. Thank you for sharing so much with us, Maranda. Of course we all struggle with sharing our innermost feelings, usually mostly with siblings, but the truth is always there and known.

    I wish more people would be as honest with their every day relationships and understand that things happen unexpectedly to good people. Your relationship with your sister reminds me so much of my own and yet is so different, too.

    I wish you all the strength as you and your sisters fiance and everyone connected with her grow beyond this and join to understand how valuable each day and relationship is.

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