Drawing My Mood

Feeling like this little guy today. Things still not going well with my sick kitty. Feeling sad and overwhelmed. Wishing it wasn’t the holidays when I have family/social responsibilities pressing down on me too. On the plus side, I have been selling a lot of my art and books, but hard to feel too celebratory. Your kind comments and care have helped though. Please know that.

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My Baby is Dying

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My baby kitty Spyder is dying. I’m pretty sure of it now. We’ve ruled out pretty much everything but cancer or autoimmune disease, with cancer looking most likely. He hasn’t eaten for 3 days now and is getting weaker and weaker. We’ve tried everything we know. Spent well over $1,000 to try to get him well in the past month.

He is around 14 years old, so at least he has lived a good length of life for a cat, but my heart is breaking. About 3 days ago it is almost as if he suddenly decided it was time to prepare to die. Since then, he has refused to eat, wants to hide away and sleep, and gets weaker every day. He does not seem to be in pain, except when he has to go to the bathroom and try to get stool out. Luckily, that isn’t happening often as he has very little to expel.

Our only other options at this point would be a feeding tube, and if he does indeed have cancer, I don’t want to just prolong his suffering and death. I know we couldn’t afford all the treatment that would require, nor would I want to put him through all that. Spyder is a quiet, shy cat and I know he would rather go at home quietly. He is one of the sweetest cats I have ever known. Knowing him has been an honor.

Spyder got his name from a dream of mine. Right before he showed up in our lives, I had a dream that I had a baby of my own and named it Spyder for some reason. So, when we got this kitty soon after, I figured it was fate and gave him the name from my dream. He indeed became my baby. The kitty that I was closest to. The one who pulled my heartstrings hardest for some reason. I am hurting.

Depression Again

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Been really fighting off a depression slump again, and I’m losing. Today I slept in until after noon – that is often one of the first signs that the depression is getting real. The longer and later I sleep in often correlates directly to a diminishing mood.

You may ask if there is something triggering this slump. The holidays often seem to be related to the issue. Last night I had a dream about revisiting the house my dad died in when I was 12, I’m sure that might have something to do with it – approaching the holidays and thinking of all the family losses again.

My cat, Spyder, really has me down too. He has been sick for over a month now. We’ve spent a ridiculous amount of money on 3 vet visits, 3 rounds of antibiotics, special diet foods, and medical tests – all to be no closer to a real answer about what is wrong and with him not getting any better, at least not for long. He’ll get a little better on the antibiotics, but once they stop, he quickly gets sick again. Yesterday and today he hasn’t even been eating and just sleeps all day.

Feeling pretty low and hopeless at the moment.

Frustrations of Self-Publishing – New Book On the Way!

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I spent hours yesterday and will likely spend more time today trying to format my new book for publishing on Amazon. The new book is a combination of some of my more colorful, playful artworks and poetry bits for kids. I used the art itself to inspire the poetry. I think the book will turn out great once I finally get the kinks worked out with the formatting.

One thing I really wish Amazon would do is to make it easier to format books using Word, especially if you use quite a few images in the book. For some reason, Amazon can not recognize when you split up content on different pages in Word, at least not when images are mixed in. It is pretty frustrating sometimes.

Once I get the book done, can proof the hard copy, and get it up for sale, I’ll definitely be sharing it with you all. I hope you will like it!

2019 Yule Altar (So Far)

I was excited as soon as Thanksgiving was over to put up my Yule altar. I’m not sure if this is the finished version for the season or not, but I liked the way it looked so far and thought I would share a pic:

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My favorite touches this year are the red Reindeer candle holder (from Walmart), and the glittery green pinecone. The silver glittery tree candle holder and the altar cloth are also new (I found both at Goodwill). The little cinnamon broom, jingle bells, and white star are from last year. I also sprinkled an assortment of seasonally colored tiny gemstones and several small healing wands on the table as well.

By the way, for this photo, I loved the way the candles reflected in the darkened window frame, so had to include that in the background!

Freaky Friday – My Mysterious Moving Cat Statue

Are you interested in hearing a weird personal story? Ok, so for over a year now I’ve had this praying black cat statue on my living room coffee table:

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I picked him up at Michael’s last Halloween. Anyway, I normally have him facing front as pictured, looking to the left (from his perspective). But, multiple times I keep finding him moved about 90 degrees to the right, directly facing my little pagan altar. I just find this so weird, especially since he is a praying statue and he keeps moving to face my little altar.

I know I have never moved him to face that way and my husband swears he has never done so either. The only other possibility would be one of our cats knocking into him, but I never really see any of our 3 cats up on that table, and even if they did get up there, what are the odds they would keep moving him exactly the same amount, in the same direction?

The statue is solid and fairly heavy, so the cats would really have to knock into him to move him too, and if they did that, they would probably knock him over, or off the table, since he is close to the edge on the front and side of the table.

I can’t explain it, but I thought it was kind of weird and interesting. Any thoughts?

Poetry – Sylvia Plath Reincarnated

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I fear I may be
the unfortunate reincarnation
of Sylvia Plath.

Born fifty years to the day
from her initial entrance,
I draw the parallels
between our lives –
lines that connect
far more than astrology.

Both of us poets,
wordsmiths
living through our literary confessions.
Desperate to be taken seriously –
a gift freely granted
to the masculine,
but almost impossible to achieve
with a soft voice and gentle hands.

Both with daddy complexes
due to the abandonment
of an early death,
we seek that missing link
in other men
(some more worthwhile
than others).

Our final connection results
in a morbidly strengthened bond –
a certain disregard
for our own lives.

We dream of being free
from this earthly game,
but lack the forbearance
for a lengthy battle.
Instead, we choose to dream of release –
and in our darker moments,
even plan it.

7 Chakras Art Series

A little while back, I decided to do a series of ACEO artist trading cards based upon the 7 chakras spiritual system. I wanted them all to be abstracts, with the colors for each chakra taking center stage. Here is the end result:

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Root Chakra – Red
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Naval Chakra – Orange
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Solar Plexus Chakra – Yellow
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Heart Chakra – Green
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Throat Chakra – Blue
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Third Eye Chakra – Indigo
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Crown Chakra – Violet

Which are your favorites? Mine are probably the heart, throat, and solar plexus ones. Some are still available for sale on my Ebay store, so check it out if you are interested!