Poetry: A World Like This

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Winnie the Pooh
and Tigger too
couldn’t have dreamed
of a world like this.

A world where kids
stay doped up
on Ritalin and Prozac,
while drug dealers
work the swing sets
and slides
of a local playground.

A world where kids
with guns and the will to kill
run the streets
with cold, hard eyes –
their consciences seared
by the flames of abuse
and neglect.

A world where the innocent
pay for the crimes
of the guilty, and justice
has become a four letter word.
A world that I once loved
but now only seek
to escape.

No, Winnie the Pooh
and Tigger too
couldn’t have dreamed
of a world like this.

But the funny thing is,
I think our dreary friend
Eeyore
saw it coming
all along.

(Poet’s note: This poem was written back when I was a foster parent, inspired by much of what I saw in the lives of the kids I took in. This is not meant to be a strictly anti-psych-meds poem, but unfortunately, I saw many of these kids unnecessarily or overly drugged just to keep them quiet or avoid dealing with the effects of their trauma.)

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Why Stars Explode

I really like this old poem of mine. Thought I’d re-share it for those of you who are newer to my blog and missed it back when 🙂

Maranda Russell

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Why Stars Explode
Written By: Maranda Russell

Feeling lonely tonight,
wondering if the night sky
knows how I feel –
it seems like she would.

All that emptiness,
the vast space between each star,
perhaps that is the real reason stars explode –
not because of heat,
not because of age,
but simply due to the overwhelming shadow
cast by their own isolation.

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Obsessive Dark Fantasizing

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The last few days have been rough. I’ve been dealing with dark, obsessive thoughts that I know aren’t healthy for me to dwell on. Dark thoughts of restlessness, dark thoughts of jealousy and resentment, dark thoughts about relationships and craving attention, and dark thoughts about life and death. Craving attention might not sound like such a bad thing, but the negative part is some of the twisted ways my brain comes up with to get it. Luckily, I don’t act on these dark thoughts, so I must have a good amount of self-control, but the obsessiveness of the thought patterns bother me.

I feel a little bit like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde at times (which I actually reread recently for the first time since childhood). There is a really good side to me, but there is definitely a dark side as well, and when that dark side becomes obsessive and stuck in a groove, the intensity of my thoughts and emotions can become a bit frightening to myself.

I’m not entirely sure what causes these bouts of dark fantasizing. The ocd? The C-PTSD? Mood disorder? The anxious/avoidant attachment style I developed from a dysfunctional family system?

Today I’ve been trying to stay busy in an attempt to distract myself and it has helped some, but my brain is like a boomerang that just keeps circling back around to the same place again and again. It is exhausting to be honest.

Hilarious Mental Health Video – Made Up Diagnoses?

Ok, I’m sharing this video because I found it pretty hilarious…and a bit scary too (after all, this is coming from real psychology/psychiatry professionals!). I occasionally watch this guy’s Youtube channel and came across this gem. In the video he talks about “rogue” therapists and counselors who break or bend the rules of the profession. The hilarious part comes in when he talks about actual made-up diagnoses he has seen written down on real charts by actual mental health professionals and the ridiculous misunderstandings some mental health professionals have about what certain diagnoses even are!

The video is a little long and he can be monotone, but I hope you make it through. If you want to skip to the point where he starts talking about made up diagnoses, it starts around the 5:59 mark.

I am SO glad I never had a counselor or therapist like the ones he describes!

How to Respond to Mean Comments

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How do you respond to “mean” or seemingly insulting comments that you receive on your blog or social media? Sometimes I’m not even sure if a reply is meant to be insulting, so I try to give the person posting it the benefit of the doubt, but sometimes there is no doubt. Here are a few specific comments I remember getting over the years:

About my art:

“Go back to playing with your crayons.”

“How is that even art?”

About my writing/poetry:

“Every human being has something valuable to share. However, not every human being was meant to do so through poetic means.”

“Cliched and unconvincing. Boring.”

About me personally:

Various accusations of being immature/childish, overly sensitive, “stupid”, ugly, unattractive, etc.

The problem is that I never really know how to respond to these kind of comments. Should I ignore them? Delete the comment? Block the person? Write a snappy comeback? Try to reason with them? At different times I’ve tried all these tactics, and I’m still not sure what the best course really is. What has worked best for you?

 

Jobs I Wish Existed

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I have a lot of amazing talents (thank you, autism)…now, if only more of those remarkable abilities were marketable! Here is a list of things I am awesome at that I wish I could get paid to do:

  • Sudoku Master
  • Snake Spotter
  • Hidden Pictures or Spot the Difference Finder
  • LEGO put-together-er
  • Build a Bear Expert (no, I do not want to work in the busy store, I just want to be paid for collecting/playing with Build a Bears and knowing a lot about the brand lol)
  • Video Game Babysitter (I am awesome at babysitting on video games, I’ve gotten a promotion twice in the past week on my new Nintendo DS game)
  • Online Medical Information Gatherer and Hypochondriac
  • Dance Moms super-fan  (I’m way too obsessed with that show)
  • The ability to quote The Lion King (the original of course) from beginning to end – every spoken word, every song lyric.
  • Cartoon character/toy identifier
  • Unicorn admirer

Loving My New Nintendo 2DS

So I decided to treat myself to the new Nintendo 2DS with Super Mario Bros. 2 pre-installed. Am loving this handheld so far. It reminds me so much of the consoles I grew up with, but with much better graphics and cool internet connections of course.

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One semi-sad aspect of my own gaming story is that after my sister died 6 years ago, it was really hard for me to play Super Mario and many other games without tearing up or getting really emotional because it reminded me so much of all the hours I spent playing Nintendo with my sister growing up. It was probably the one thing we spent the most time doing together. Now that sadness has finally passed some and I can actually enjoy playing games again and just have fun. The only downside is that playing can become addictive, so I have to make sure I don’t neglect the things I need and want to do and just play games all day!

Another great thing about this particular DS system is that it is only $79 with the game installed! Not a bad price at all!

Now, if I could only meet some other Mii people in the Mii Plaza via StreetPass! Where are you all???