Creepy Doll Photo
Park Pictures
Here’s a few favorite pics taken at the park a couple days ago…
Poetry – Reverse Engineering
Most prefer the beginning
before the end,
but I offer
an alternative,
let's allow the end
to predict the beginning.
- marandarussell.com
*thanks to Jonathan Caswell for the title inspiration!
Pretty Sunday Flowers
Boundaries and Temporary Separation
I’ve had a really rough few days. Because of acting out behaviors online, my husband and I had set some boundaries for online use. He broke a couple of these boundaries a few days ago. Not a huge violation, but still not honoring the safeguards we put in place is a big deal and I have to treat it as such. So for now, he has moved to the spare bedroom. I’m very sad and I miss him. I feel like I’m suffering as much for his actions as he is.
I am proud of myself though for honoring myself enough to enforce the boundaries we had agreed upon. In the past, I never would have done so. He even said that he felt there would never actually be real consequences and he even admitted that he knew he needed them. He is attending a 12 step program and will probably be switching counselors to a specialist who deals with these kinds of issues. I am glad he is taking the initiative to help himself and try to heal our relationship as well.
I only wish it didn’t make me feel so sad and lonely too.
Stream of Consciousness Writing – Where Did I Go?
Where did I go? I swear I was just right here, feeling fine, but now I look around and I’m nowhere to be seen.
I guess I’ll have to break out the “lost self” posters and nail them to every tree on our block.
If I’m found, I’m afraid there is no reward, but my hungry cats will be most grateful.
Subconscious Sexual Abuse Dreams?
Although I was exposed to sexual content at a very young age and my parents shared WAY too much of their sex life details with me as a kid, I always considered myself lucky that at least I wasn’t touched or molested by anyone.
However, over the years (more so in the past than currently) I’ve had multiple nightmares about a couple of my relatives molesting me. I have no conscious memory of this ever happening, so if it did actually happen, it was obviously when I was too young to remember or my mind has blocked it from my memory. Either way, I’m glad of that safeguard if anything actually did happen, because I don’t think I’d want to remember it in detail.
The reason I’m sharing this today is just to ask if anyone else has ever had recurring nightmares about a relative sexually abusing them. Is this normal? Should I just shake it off as some kind of weird paranoia? There was definitely a lack of boundaries and privacy in my home growing up. Perhaps that triggers exaggerated dreams like this? I’m not sure, but I was just wondering if anyone else has ever experienced anything like this.
Poetry – 2 Scars Mini Poems
1.
A scab for your scar,
then right back in the car.
2.
My scars grow scabs
faster than
my psyche can catch up.
-marandarussell.com
Vacation Cancelled :(
Today is a bummer. My husband and I were supposed to go to Buffalo, NY for spring break starting today, but I’ve got an awful ear infection and don’t feel up to going, so we had to cancel. I’m taking both antibiotic ear drops and oral antibiotics, but it is still hurting a lot. Earaches are probably one of the worst aches, up there with a bad toothache.
So now I’m bored, in pain, stuck at home, and kind of cranky too. I guess at least I have you guys to talk to lol. Thanks for listening to my little rant. Anyone got any weird, fun trivia, jokes, or funny personal stories you want to share? I could use a laugh.
