Most F-d Up Dream of My Life!

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Warning: mature explicit content ahead (including rape)!

I think I had the most messed up dream of my life last night!

In the dream, I was a little girl and my mom (who wasn’t the same mom I have in real life) had just gotten together with this creepy guy. The guy told me he had some weed, but if I told my mom, he would kill me. Of course, I had to then go tell my mom. When the guy got home and found out I had told on him, he decided to kill my mother in front of me instead of killing me.

How did he kill her? By stapling her to death. Yes, with a stapler. At one point, he used the stapler to beat a small hole in the side of her head, then decided to rape her in front of me, but instead of normal rape, he raped her by sticking his dick in the hole in the side of her head, which pushed her brains and other stuff in her head out the other side.

What the fuck is wrong with my brain?!! How did it come up with this shit???

Why I Don’t Like Porn

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I’ve never liked porn. It used to be because I was a Christian and felt like it was “sinful” to look at porn. After leaving the church, my moral beliefs about porn became confused, but I still felt that something was off about the whole thing.

So, being me, I started investigating the porn industry to try to figure out a logical moral stance on the issue. The first problem I came across is probably the most serious issue with porn in my opinion – far too many women (and probably some men too) in the porn industry are forced into the profession through human trafficking. In other words – SEXUAL SLAVERY. Additionally, many underage girls are used in porn and their ages are lied about.

Another issue I came across was the prevalence of violence and physical/verbal abuse (specifically towards women) to be found in porn. Some studies suggest that up to 90% of porn on the market features some kind of violence or abuse towards women. What do you think this does to the minds of young kids and teenagers who watch?

Lastly, porn has some real-life personal problems for men particularly. Porn has a real addictive quality to it. Many men get to the point where they can’t stop watching even if they want to. Many addicted men develop erectile dysfunction, even young guys, because watching porn often can make your brain unable to respond to any sexual stimuli other than porn. This has ruined many relationships, as men become unable to perform sexually with their wives, girlfriends, etc. Further, the secretive nature of addiction (if involved) can take a toll on any relationship.

One good website to find out more about these facts and porn studies is truthaboutporn.org. They feature a huge database dedicated to scientific studies about the harmful effects pornography can have.  They also explain how porn can damage individuals, relationships, and society in general.

Feel free to share your own thoughts, feelings, and experiences about porn in the comments if you wish! I have often wondered if maybe we need an “ethical” porn option (guaranteed to be free from sexual violence, abuse, trafficking and underage participants) , but even that wouldn’t address all of the harmful effects porn can have on individuals and relationships.

Best CBD Creams for Pain

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As my regular readers know, occasionally I will partner with another company or website to share information that I feel may genuinely help some of my audience. Today, I’m sharing this post from AgingInPlace about the Top 10 Best CBD Creams for Pain – Top Picks for Seniors.

I know many of my readers do suffer from chronic pain and are senior citizens, so I thought maybe this information might help some of you. Of course, I am not yet a senior citizen, but I have still found that CBD has helped my own pain quite a bit. It can be intimidating at first to know which CBD company to give a try (there are simply SO many out there!), so hopefully this resource can help narrow down the choices.

If you have experience using any of these products or just CBD in general, feel free to chime in and tell us how it worked for you in the comments!

A Look Inside My Personal Journal!

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I didn’t really have a good idea for a blog post today, so here are a few random little bits of prose from my journal that I like and thought I’d share:

I want to cause chaos. I want the entire world to feel the insecurities and fragility that creates the glass enclosure I dare not shake or shatter.

I lean towards darkness, but not cruelty or evil. The comforting dark. The mysterious dark. The exciting dark. The natural dark. The darkness inside is strong, but it need not be frightening. 

I believe in justice, in fairness, in self protection, and in reflecting negativity back to its source, but I do not believe in malevolence. 

I should have been a whore when I was younger. I was a good girl – I ran from impropriety. I feared intimacy. I swam in self-doubt and self-consciousness. I was afraid to be sexual. I was afraid to be sensual. I was afraid to be attractive. 

TikTok Fun Videos (Creepy and Cute)

I’ve been having a great time making TikToks lately lol (follow me on there, @marandarussell2). I find it is a platform where I can just be creative and have fun and not worry about gaining enough followers, advertising, trying to promote my art or writing, etc. It is great to have an outlet that is purely for entertainment and not a cause of stress. The short length of the videos makes it easier to do them when I only have a spare minute or two.

I figured I would share a couple of my recent TikTok vids here today. First, we have a creepy one:

And here is a cute one:

WordPress Played Me!!!

Man, WordPress got my hopes up today and then just dashed them. I came to my blog site as I normally do and saw this on the side panel:

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8,974 followers??? Yesterday I had around 1,700!!! Of course, after the elation swept through me, my common sense kicked in and I wondered how I could have possibly gotten over 7k followers in one day, especially when my other numbers (post likes, comments, etc.) look about the same. So I checked my blog stats page and I’m still at between 1,700-1,800 followers. Oh well.

Thanks for the heart attack WordPress…and the letdown.

Stores Reopen Today!

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Here in Ohio, non-essential retail stores reopen today! I have been in a depressed funk this past week, so I plan to go out and try to cheer myself up. I know I want to go to the bookstore (bookstores, how I have missed you!) and probably Goodwill. Don’t worry, I will be cautious and try to maintain my distance from others, but I need to feel a bit of normalcy return to my life!

Honestly, I think I likely already had coronavirus a couple months ago anyhow, although I would need to be tested for the antibodies to know for sure. Of course, I have heard reports that you might be able to get it more than once, so still doesn’t hurt to be careful.

Hair salons reopen at the end of the week I think, and it will feel good to get my hair cut again. Funny how you miss little things like that when you can’t do them for a while.

What is going on where you live? Are you still under lockdown? Are things slowly opening back up? Do you plan to go back to normal activity if they do reopen?