*Note: I wrote this a while back and am not currently feeling suicidal, but I thought it might be interesting to share this poem as it does illustrate a real mental struggle I have dealt with on and off for many years.
Suicidal Ideations
If I only had a dollar
for every time
I have looked down
from a great height,
shook a full bottle of pills,
held my breath under water,
or inhaled exhaust fumes
while thinking
I could actually do it,
I could end it all –
I would have more
than enough
to pay for all the
therapy sessions
I obviously need.
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marandarussell
Hi! I am an artist, author, and blogger who also happens to have Asperger’s Syndrome. I have won several awards and honors for my writings and artwork. I suffer from a few severe mental illness and chronic pain conditions (Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, Fibromyalgia, CFS/ME, Ehlers Danlos, Degenerative Disc Disease, etc.), which greatly affects my life and makes me want to advocate for others going through similar things. Other interests of mine include reading, writing, drawing, watching cartoons and movies, collecting toys, hanging out with my family, and annoying my 3 cats.
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Maranda Russell 
And then all your friends would be mourning the loss of a true friend and talented lady!
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Aw thank you, the thought of others is what would always stop me when the thoughts are at their worst. I always tell myself if I can just hang on one more day, it will probably pass, at least a little. Most of the time that is true.
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💖🌹💟(((((Big Hugs))))). I would Miss you. Xxx
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Aw thanks. I’m hanging in there 🙂
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I’m glad. 👍☺🌹💟
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Amazing poem. You really captured the realities of suicide within this piece. Thank you for sharing. Powerful stuff.
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Thanks so much, I’m not surprised you could relate, although I wish none of us felt that way. I consider every day I do make it through a victory, and that often helps me to keep going. I might not be able to survive years, but I can do one more day…
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I feel the same way. Just getting out of bed each day is victory. Not everyday is like that, but we keep fighting for a better tomorrow.
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It’s been about 22 years since I have heard those two words. Back when my son was a sophomore at the Catholic University of America in DC, I received a phone call at work. It was the university psychologist telling me my son was in his office expressing suicidal ideations and that I needed to arrange for him to come home. He said my son had promised him that he wouldn’t do anything before getting home. two words a parent should never have to hear about their child. And when they do, they get the child the help they need. He kept his word and is 42 now, still on meds for anxiety and depression, but holding down a good job. I know what you go through, having seen it first hand. Be strong Maranda, you are loved and needed.
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Thanks so much Walt, and I’m very sorry to hear that your son has had to go through this as well, but am glad he had you to stand by his side, I’m sure that made a huge difference.
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We are very close and helped each other through the death of his Mom, my first wife, when he was 28. We’ve been through a lot together.
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Wow, that is rough.
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