Negativity

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Sometimes I worry that I come across as too negative or focused only on the bad on this blog. It is really a fine line to walk, because as someone who is chronically ill, constantly feeling sick, and dealing with several mental health issues, it can often feel like the negative in my life does far outweigh the positive. Most of the things I used to love to do (hike, play tennis, roller skate, go dancing, etc.) are now virtually impossible for me. I haven’t been able to work in a couple years and even when I did, I was constantly in trouble for missing work due to health issues. I used to find a great deal of meaning in being a foster parent, but there is no way I could handle that anymore either. I feel like I’ve lost SO MUCH that it is hard to cope. I’ve always struggled with anxiety and depression, but since becoming sicker and sicker physically, the levels of those mental issues have skyrocketed.

I want to be honest on this blog above all else. Even when it hurts and even when it is ugly and dark. However, I don’t want to give the impression that there are never good moments in my life. There are times my husband makes me laugh uncontrollably. There are days when I do feel well enough to go out to eat or browse through a bookstore. Sometimes I get to watch a tv show I’m addicted to and excited to see. I still get to paint and play with art materials. My crazy cats continue to be crazy and adorable. It isn’t all bad, and I am grateful for the good times, but most days are a struggle and I don’t want to lie about that either.

* Art by Maranda Russell

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20 thoughts on “Negativity

  1. Pets are very good at cheering us up. While I have been ill my cat Salem has rarely left my side. To winter weather and dark nights play havoc with my thyroid condition. I get colds back to back and usually feel low. Then in Summer mild hayfever comes in but Summer is better weather to cope with.

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  2. I wouldn’t worry about this, Maranda. Just from following your blog and videos, you very much strike me as having a really fun side, and as someone who’s able to appreciate life in ways a lot of people can’t – most obviously seen in your art, toy collecting, etc., but also in your sense of humor and just your overall spirit. The people who seem to me “negative” on life are those with resentful dispositions, those who want to rub their own unhappiness on others, etc. You’re none of those things. Life does suck a lot of the time, and sadly, some get hit with things a lot harder than others. Being authentic about this is not negative. Of course, I really hope you start feeling more yourself again soon. But If anything, it’s comforting and encouraging to know that even in the trenches of life there are such beacons of kindness, down-to-earthness, and resilience such as you.

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  3. Having purpose and meaning in life, and each day, do contribute to hope and enjoyment. Certainly, physical conditions can limit what tasks we pursue to give us that sense of purpose. The question then becomes do those tasks need to conform to social expectations to be personally meaningful? (e.g. work gives many people a sense of purpose in our society, but as you noted, when working may not be feasible, what option does someone have, regardless of what other’s expect or strive for). -Oscar

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  4. Thank you for sharing. It’s very humbling having chronic pain and learning new limits. It’s also hard not to discuss it when it’s the main thing going on in our lives. It’s not like it’s possible to go to work or be an athlete(like I used to be) when pain limits us, much less discuss the things we used to do when what we do is so limited. I understand. For those who don’t understand, you don’t need them :). I think art and pets are the best therapy. Thank you for your boldness in sharing your feelings and your blog.

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