Flaking Out Due to Sickness

Yesterday I was supposed to go to therapy, but I was feeling really sick and ended up calling off. Whenever I have to do that, I always end up feeling bad, like it is my fault that I have these health problems and often have to cancel appointments or activities.

Honestly, nowadays I don’t even schedule much of anything outside of medical appointments because I would rather not plan anything than have to feel like I’m letting myself or others down if I’m too sick, depressed, or anxious to go. It really isn’t a fun way to live, and it frustrates me. I often feel like I’ve almost given up on living a normal life and that saddens me.

On the plus side, I am fortunate to have a supportive husband and still have a place to live and food to eat even though I am too sick to work a regular job. I really don’t know how people like me make it without support, especially since it can often take years to get any help from disability. If I had tons of money, I would spend it helping out those who are in similar predicaments, whether they struggle with autism, mental illness, physical illness, or a combination of all of the above like me.

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21 thoughts on “Flaking Out Due to Sickness

  1. It is not your fault. If you had the choice to not be ill even for one day you would take it I know. I have hypothyroidism I am lucky to mostly have good days. But I have not so good days myself where I have little to no energy. More so in Winter to end of Spring. I have undiagnosed seasonal affected disorder aka S.A.D. summer and Autumn are my best months if the hayfever is mild. I love fresh flowers but they irritate my nasal receptive sense or I have a blocked up nose unable to smell how beautiful they are.

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    • I think S.A.D. probably affects a lot more people than are aware of it. I have hayfever and hypothyroidism as well, so I can relate 😦 Right now I’m doing allergy shots to try to help the constant sinus and ear infections, but it doesn’t seem to be helping much.

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  2. Hi, I have been having mixed states, very mixed up my poetry went south along with my art. After 48yrs of this I know it will be better soon it is difficult to see when we are sad or mixed up but it will be better. Have faith while in good or bad times he hears us.

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    • I’ve had mixed states too, it can be quite odd and take a toll on creativity like you said. I wish I still had faith, but I’ve become quite a skeptic over the years. However, I think it is great if people can find comfort in their faith. Sometimes I wish I still had mine when shit hits the fan.

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  3. Maranda, you know that your ability to talk to us about yourself is extraordinary, and you should be very proud of yourself. It’s ok if you’re not up to going out. Those who know and love you will not judge. There will be other days when the timing is right. And I’m glad to hear the student issue is not happening. Hang in there, my friend! ou’re doing great ❤

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