Anger, Mania, and Standing Up for Myself

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Last night I had a definite episode of mania. Wanting to stay up all night again, feeling like doing a million things at once, wanting to jump out of my skin, tempted to spend way more money than I should, barely able to sleep. If you read my rant yesterday, then you know that I was already dealing with a lot of anger, so I can’t help but wonder if anger can bring on a manic episode? I honestly don’t know whether that is possible or not, I should probably ask my psychiatrist, but it does seem interesting that after being upset and angry I became so manic.

Something else happened last night that made me even angrier than I had been when I wrote the rant post yesterday. Someone else in that Facebook group commented on the post I had written that only 1 or 2 of my mental or physical conditions could be disabling. They said that the Asperger’s and Bipolar might be disabling, but the PTSD, Social Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia, CFS, Plantar Fasciitis, IBS, chronic infections, Degenerative Disc Disease, and bulging discs are NOT disabling. That really set me off.

At first I just told the girl that she should research the conditions and learn more about them if she thought that. However, she went on to say that I was the one who was ignorant and that I would probably “argue with a brick wall”. That really made me mad. I even asked her why she was being such a bitch because I hadn’t done anything to her. For me, saying something like that is EXTREMELY CONFRONTATIVE, but I also felt so proud of myself for standing up for myself for once in my life. Standing up for myself has always been a real challenge for me, so much so, that many people have told me over the course of my life that I needed to stop being a doormat and quit letting people walk all over me.

In person, I would still likely have a really hard time standing up for myself, mostly because when things become confrontative or stressful, I tend to struggle with selective mutism, which is a common thing for people with autism to deal with. Throughout my life, whenever I was bullied or abused, I almost always found myself temporarily struck dumb, unable to formulate a response or rebuttal. It generally only happens when I feel threatened in some way, but it is very frustrating. I figure standing up for myself online is at least a start though!

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16 thoughts on “Anger, Mania, and Standing Up for Myself

    • I’m not sure why, but the distance provides more of a feeling of safety. I think it might be because I grew up in an environment where verbal confrontation usually became physical, so even if I just hear yelling or angry voices, I automatically freeze up.

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  1. I have a genetic disorder caused by a birth defect it effects my nerves joints it effect how I am overly emotional at times or am lol… I can’t do things in reputation or then I’m down . I can’t do a lot of physical things certain things now looking at me you wouldn’t think I was disable but I am you can’t tell by looking at me. My body is constantly in chronic pain so I can’t sit long stand long it’s a roller coaster and being 4”11 makes sitting in booths stools very uncomfortable . Now I have a disability placard and one day parking my car with my daughter who held me lift thing at a grocery store I got literally yelled at me for parking there saying I was using someone placard. I was so mad I yelled at them showed them my pic on it . I’m sorry if I still do my hair I wear makeup but yes u am disable I miss a lot of things with my kids that consist of long walking distance . I can’t take a nice hike or walk with my hubby . What I’m trying to say that person had no right to say that to you they don’t know they don’t walk in your shoes . Do not let people get to you do what you need to do .

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  2. Great job standing up for yourself! It’s frustrating trying to educate someone who wants to stay ignorant. I find it easier to stick up for myself in writing than in person.

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  3. I hope you can put that woman’s ignorance aside. We do want to teach people, but unfortunately there are so many people in this world that just refuse to learn. And even if they DID research the realities more, which they usually don’t, they may still refuse to accept. Or even if they accept they are wrong, they won’t in a million years apologize and admit they were wrong. I’m assuming this woman you are referring to isn’t a mental health practitioner of any sort, but believe me when I say that even those who are, are frighteningly ignorant at times.

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  4. Read my post today on mental illness misconceptions… I find that people should never “judge” anyone EVER. Because they are never in your shoes, and what I often find to be a personal prison. So from me: F her and YAY you.

    Liked by 1 person

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