Being Too Clingy and Possessive

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I can be a bit possessive, especially when in a close relationship. I’ve always been like that. Even as a kid I would get jealous sometimes if my friends had other friends or wanted to do stuff without me. I’m not sure why, but I am easily prone to feeling left out or threatened by outsiders. However, I know this dynamic isn’t exactly healthy and I am trying to learn to let go a bit and not be so demanding by monopolizing anyone, specifically my husband.

It may be my autism, since I have heard it is typical of autistics, but I don’t make close relationships easily. I usually only have one or two truly close relationships at a time, and I can definitely be guilty of being clingy or insecure about those relationships. For the past 16 years, my closest relationship has been my husband (as it should be), but my husband is a bit different from me in what he needs socially.

Socially I only need those one or two people, although it can be terrifying if those relationships are threatened, since it is so hard for me to connect with others and build closeness. My husband on the other hand seems to desire more social interaction and the chance of making more friendships than I do. He wants to feel a part of things more than I do, as I am more of a homebody.

So, I have been working at letting go some and not feeling resentful or frightened by him reaching out for other friendships. It is still hard sometimes and honestly there is still a big part of me that thinks he should need absolutely nothing else in life but being with me…but I know that isn’t realistic or healthy. Does anyone else out there struggle with issues like this?

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17 thoughts on “Being Too Clingy and Possessive

  1. I do, 1000%. And to top it all off, Im super paranoid of the other relationships Im not part of and what they could mean. If Im honest, Im afraid my husband will find someone normal, and make a run for the hills from this cup of crazy 😒… Not for good reason, quite irrational, but yeah, 1000%

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Well if you ever need to hold someone’s hand “virtually”, I’m here. I struggle to give my husband room – in my mind, he should be dedicated to ME. And maybe that’s not realistic or fair. But hey, he married me and I didn’t promise to be either. Lots of laughter. Stay well.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m really reluctant to get close to anyone at this point. My last partner was as much of a homebody as I was, so that worked really well. With friendships in the past I didn’t necessarily feel possessive but I’d sometimes feel inadequate that I had just a few friends but they had much larger circles of friends.

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  3. Yes, me too. It’s not as bad now as it use to be. I think age has helped. If I was to die first I’d like to think that my husband will have friends to support him. When my daughter was a teenager and confided in another mum who had befriended her, I told myself that I would have benefited greatly if I’d had someone outside the family to support me. I was in my forties then. So when I was younger than that I had terrible problems trying to restrain myself and often it didn’t work and it just added to my lack of confidence and self esteem.
    Recognising there is an issue and writing about it will reduce its impact on you I’m sure ❀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, I am glad that it is something I have realized and that I am trying to make some concessions to make our relationship even better. I often think too of if something were to happen to me, I wouldn’t want him to not have anyone to lean on or talk to.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah, I do find it helps some to talk it out. Keeping it all buried inside is really destructive. I did that growing up and in my teens, but in the past few years I’ve learned to face it and address it.

        Liked by 1 person

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