The dollies and my bunny say hello! The baby doll in the panda suit is a new addition to my collection, but sadly, he has some issues (floppy, loose head) and I may have to return him and get another one. The outfit that the bunny is wearing I got at a thrift store for less than a buck! Good deals! I also got some more vintage puzzles that I’m sure I will be sharing images of soon!
Ok, now with the cuteness aside, I’ve had a rough few days. A lot of mood swings, anxiety, and depression. I’ve also been feeling insecure and sometimes like I don’t even know who I really am. I wonder if that is why I try so hard to figure out what conditions I actually have and what is wrong with me…because I need an outside force (be it a doctor or diagnosis) to TELL me who I am. I know this kind of feeling is normal when you are a teenager and just figuring out who you are, but I’m 35 freakin’ years old! Shouldn’t I know by now?
I even find myself questioning my blogging efforts. I wonder if anyone really likes the stuff I am into (particularly the toys and puzzles and stuff like that), or am I just boring everyone? But if I talked about nothing on the blog but my mental and physical problems, wouldn’t that get boring in itself? See, I am doing far too much overthinking and that always leads to picking out flaws and beating myself up. It wouldn’t matter WHAT I did on here, I would feel like it isn’t worthwhile sometimes and like I am a burden to others.
I know in my heart, that these feelings of inadequacy are not something that anyone else can clear away for me. It wouldn’t matter how much praise or reassurance I received from others as long as I am still doubting myself inside. I guess at least I recognize that. I appreciate all you guys sticking with me through all the ups and downs. Having a place to open up like this makes a huge difference.
Maranda Russell 
24 responses to “Feeling Insecure and Confused”
I love your blog just as it is. And that panda suit is oh so adorable.
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Aw thanks! I think the panda baby is adorable too. I was bummed it had an issue, but if I do return it, I’ll likely get another one.
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Don’t worry about what others think but if you’re as confused and anxious as you say maybe it is time to speak to a professional. I remember being very anxious about a health issue and when I spoke to my doctor I felt much better. I think I was making myself feel worse because of my anxiety and telling my doctor about it helped immensely. Good luck.
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Yeah, I do see a psychiatrist and a counselor regularly. I think sometimes I get more anxious because my psychiatrist is so busy that I can only be seen once every 2-3 months and that is rough if I feel like I need med changes or something in the meantime. Psychiatrists are really in short demand and overbooked around here, so it isn’t just mine, it is an issue many have.
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I hope you get to talk to someone soon.
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Your blog is yours to blog about whatever you want. Please don’t post stuff you think others want to read but p post the stuff that’s important to you. A genuine blog attracts followers 🙂
Questioning your identity, who we are, is something some of us continue to question for a long time. I think I know who I am now but it’s taken over fifty years. So please don’t feel bad about that.
I shall look forward to seeing your puzzles 🙂 Your new doll is cute ❤
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I do try to be as genuine as possible. Sometimes that is hard when I go through periods of confusion like right now, but I figure I’ll just be real about going through that too. I wonder if my frustration about identity might be related to my Aspergers trait of wanting to classify everything and finding myself hard to classify because as humans we are all complex and hard to pin down? I’m not sure, but it is a possibility.
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I think you’re probably right. I came to that conclusion after I was diagnosed. My diagnosis as being aspergic certainly helped me in identifying and accepting myself.
I hope you feel better soon ❤
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My parents used to tell me that a part of happiness is being true to yourself. It’s when you push your true self away to make others happy that you begin to lose out. Yes, they were hippies. 🙂 But I think there is truth there.🌸
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I like that, hippie parents might be the best parents lol.
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Another reborn! Yay 😄! I understand what your saying, and about feeling insecure. I had a YouTube channel all about making miniature items, but I realised I wasn’t actually enjoying making the items on camera (it’s difficult filming that sort of thing I found) and then editing the videos, I realised instead of doing this for my own enjoyment, it was more about getting lots of people watching my videos, having subscribers etc. I think you have a brilliant balance on your blog, its refreshing your open about your mental health/ struggles. I use to blog about my mental health on a different blog, it’s great your sharing your experiences and thoughts. I read each blog you write (sorry I don’t always reply and what-not that’s not because I don’t like the blogs!) and would be disappointed if you stopped writing! 🙁 and without your comments on my blog (your the only person who reads my blog I think as well) I doubt I would have kept blogging! So I massive thanks to you, because your comments mean such a lot 😃! I know it’s easier said than done but believe in yourself 🙂 ps, keep the blogs with the reborns and teddies coming, they’re my favourites! 😊
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❤ Aw, thanks so much! I enjoy your blog because I love dolls and you are quite talented! I ran a YouTube channel for quite a while too. Even did ok. Right now I still have over 2,500 subs there and almost a million views, way more than I have here, but I enjoy writing more than I enjoy making videos, so it is hard to keep the interest going there. I also was getting some really nasty comments on YouTube, which was hard on me.
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Thankyou ☺️ wow 2,500 subs! Well done 👍 sorry to hear about the nasty comments on YouTube, don’t worry your not alone, I got some nasty comments too (luckily nothing major) luckily They didn’t bother me at the time, but if I do do this YouTube channel about reborns that I’m currently doing videos for, I’ll probably choose not to have the comments box below and instead post a link to my website if people want to ask me questions because trolls hopefully won’t be bothered to go to to my website just to post a nasty comment 🤞🤷🏼♀️
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we love your blog! its neat to have someone thats into dolls, stuffies and toys! so keep doing what youre doing! we get insecure too! it happens! xo
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Aw, thanks so much for your support! ❤
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Self doubt. So many of us have it. When I get a compliment on one of my poems, my first thought is always “are they just being nice?” It’s a tough one to overcome but I’m getting there. You will, too.
I love the things you share. It doesn’t matter who’s into what. We get a peek of your life. It’s pretty cool. Keep writing!! 😊
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Thanks so much Dorinda 🙂 And I know exactly what you mean about receiving compliments on your poetry. When I have written poetry in the past and shared it, I felt the same way.
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Aren’t we silly?! We should be proud that we have that affect on others… Let’s work on that, shall we?
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Sounds good 🙂
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No matter what age you are you will go through periods of self doubt, I know that I do, all that you share on your blog is about humanity and I’m sure that all your followers do share your concerns!
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Thanks so much Malcolm 🙂
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I love your posts and your blog , don’t stop. I just bought some figurines to start my fairy garden … after graduations are over . I’m going to start . So keep posting about your doll collection.
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Awesome! I have been posting more about my toys and collecting on my YouTube vlog (Maranda’s Toys and Books) and my instagram with the same name. On this blog I think I am going to focus mostly on more personal stuff.
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