Wishing for a Family

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I’ve been severely depressed the past couple days. Two nights in a row I’ve been teary and weepy and feeling very much alone. Late last night I lay curled up on the bathroom floor crying, a position I often find myself in when depression gets severe.

I do have the support of a wonderful husband and he spent probably a good hour yesterday listening to me cry and talk about how I’m feeling. Sadly, he struggles with much of the same issues I do, so I always feel bad unloading on him because it brings out the same feelings in him that I’m suffering with.

I think what is getting to me the most is just the desire for a loving, supportive family, which I simply don’t have. Most of my immediate family is dead, only one member is still living and they seem to not be talking to me right now for some unknown reason. In some ways it might be best if we don’t talk since the constant ups and downs of the relationship really affect my moods, but it is still not easy to know that your only living close relative doesn’t seem to want anything to do with you or seem to care about you.

I wish I could replace those family relationships I have lost, but where do you find family if you don’t have one? You can’t exactly go shopping for one or even expect friends to step into those positions (if I even had friends). Sure, I could make friends if I tried harder maybe, but it still wouldn’t be FAMILY. It wouldn’t fill the huge hole in my heart left by those who have left me.

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13 thoughts on “Wishing for a Family

  1. If you feel bad unloading on your husband. Can you not come to an agreement whereby you listen to each and give each other a supporting hug maybe. Just an idea of course.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I figure my eventual substitute for family is going to be a farm full of sheep and guinea pigs. And some chickens. I’ll be so busy animal-tending that I won’t have time to notice I have no actual people in my life.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sorry you are feeling this was you. I understand it. I wish my family was different and I wish I had friends too. I’m blessed with amazing children but the rest of my family is not a big part of my life at all. I think loneliness should be given sn illness xayehorynifbirs own. It’s awful and I’m sorry you are going through this. Hugs, Sue ❤🌻❤👍❤😎

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I can certainly relate to what you wrote, Maranda. My husband is often under a great deal of stress. I want to be there for him, but so often need him for me. Cuddling and kisses may seem simple, but they sometimes do a world of good even without saying that much, and they are reciprocal.

    My dad and siblings (and nephew) only live about 35 mins from me by car, but I rarely see them. We’re not having fights, but it’s just that lives get so busy and everyone is dealing with their own stuff. I have reached out a bit, and my brother reaches out to me. A little more of that and we’d probably feel even better.

    I’m glad you have your kitties. I depend on my parrot so much for companionship and love while hubby is at work.

    Hugs

    Liked by 1 person

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