The problem isn’t me. Not really. The problem is the world. The gossips. The bullies. The abusers. The narcissists. The shallow. The cruel. The snobs. The judgmental. The callous. The ignorant. The rude. The contentious. The angry. The passive aggressive. The sadistic. The jealous. The violent.
Is it any wonder I fear humanity? Is it any wonder I fear humiliation, rejection, and being misunderstood?
My experiences have taught me that life is harsh, and that is what I’ve come to expect. Not long ago, my psychiatrist warned me about the danger of “expecting everyone to treat me the way my abusers did”, but how easy is that to accomplish when so many others HAVE turned out to treat me that way? I often feel like a wounded gazelle surrounded by lions. I look for empathy, but instead I find savagery.
I love so much that!!!
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Thanks 🙂
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I know a lot of the horrible experiences you’ve had lie behind this post, Maranda, and you have every right to feel this way. But just to push back a bit from another standpoint: wouldn’t at least some of the people who hurt you have ALSO said “the problem isn’t me, it’s the world”? Isn’t it both healthier and truer to acknowledge possibilities (realized and unrealized) of both great evil and great good in each person — in ourselves, in our worst enemies, and in everyone in between? I hope this comment doesn’t come off as insensitive, but I really do want you to be happy and free in the fullest sense, and I just don’t think that dwelling too long in thoughts like this is really conducive to that. (Unless this is more of a performative piece deliberately meant to present a one-sided view … in that case, ignore these comments! As an Aspie, I tend to read things literally, lol.)
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It is sort of a one-sided view. Just a stream-of-consciousness bit I wrote one night, not the entirety of my thoughts for sure.
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Unfortunately all humans have failings and frailties, learn to forgive them!
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I can forgive, but I feel that I can never be unwise. When you’ve been burned many times, your guard is automatically up I believe. I guess my feelings would boil down to “forgive, but proceed with extreme caution”.
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I understand what you are saying I am very cynical towards people until I am sure I can trust them!
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Thank you 🙂
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I agree. The world sucks.
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LOL, some days it does indeed. Today I am in physical pain too, which does not help my mood at all.
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Thanks for having the guts to write that. For anyone with a so-called “invisible” disability (or two, or three!) the world is a dangerous place. On the upside, I think a principle cause of the danger — if not the main cause — is the rampant ignorance and confusion regarding these kinds of disabilities, which I think the above piece has the potential to help dispel and clarify.
Nicely written! 🙂
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Glad you could relate. Much of what I post here is taken directly from my journals, so it is often emotional and sometimes even contradictory, but it is all me.
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I totally get it. 🙂
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I really like this post because it was written with passion by someone who goes through it. These are your thoughts and feelings and as such can be as one sided as you want them to be. I know you write to not only help yourself, but hopefully to help others. God bless you for that Maranda. God bless you.
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Thanks so much Walt!
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My pleasure my friend!
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We aren’t all fearsome. 🙂
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Good to know 🙂
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