Feeling Low After Lawyer Visit


Today has been a rough day 😦 I had to get up early to go to an appointment with my lawyer to talk about my upcoming SSDI hearing in February. I woke up feeling exhausted, achy, and sick to begin with, my stomach and digestive system freaking out from the anxiety of the change in routine as they always do.

The meeting went ok, I suppose. The lawyer seems really nice and genuine, but the whole thing depressed me. For one thing, it isn’t easy to have everything that is wrong with you physically and mentally just laid out on the table for everyone to see. It isn’t fun facing the reality of my own limitations and self-perceived flaws. I know I can’t help having mental and physical issues, but it SUCKS to have to dwell on them and think about them more than I already do normally.

The lawyer wants me to try to get my doctors to fill out some forms to take to the hearing and that gives me high anxiety. I hate having to ask anyone to do anything, it is just the way I am. I have a deep fear of rejection. What if they say “no” when I ask them to fill out the forms? Then I will feel even lower than I already do. I know my doctors are caring people who try to help me and they will probably be more than willing to help, but my brain just can’t shut off the “what ifs”.

I came home from the lawyer visit, cried for a little bit, then crashed for a few hours in bed. I still feel like absolute crud, but am trying to get back into my normal routine. I am desperately in need of some self-love and comfort right now, but that isn’t easy for me to do.

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Hi! I am an artist, author, and blogger who also happens to have Asperger’s Syndrome. I have won several awards and honors for my writings and artwork. I suffer from a few severe mental illness and chronic pain conditions (Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, Fibromyalgia, CFS/ME, Ehlers Danlos, Degenerative Disc Disease, etc.), which greatly affects my life and makes me want to advocate for others going through similar things. Other interests of mine include reading, writing, drawing, watching cartoons and movies, collecting toys, hanging out with my family, and annoying my 3 cats.

22 thoughts on “Feeling Low After Lawyer Visit”

  1. I understand why you feel the way you do and one statement you mentioned that stood out, so I’m paraphrasing it… “It isn’t easy having everything that is wrong with you…laid out on the table for everyone to see.”

    I am not a psychologist, but I am an abuse survivor that has been through a great deal in my life. I perceive that you feel some sort of “shame” attached to this in your mind, and I just want to say that there is NO SHAME in having a debilitating illness, whether it is mental, emotional or physical. My husband went through jumping the hoops for SSDI after he was severely hurt at work. The BS they put us through took over 2-1/2 years.

    Yes, it does suck to have to go through the dog and pony show required by the government (and I will choose not to jump on my soapbox about this subject right now), but when you take a 1/4 turn in your perception you will see that you are making a huge step forward – this shows your resilience, your determination to continue to help yourself through all of this.

    You have worked long and hard and the truth is you have EARNED this and have the right to these benefits and what you have EARNED is highly respectable. So, be kind to yourself. Hold your head up and know that there is no shame in any of this.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Okay I have been their ! It was hard for me as well having my physical history laid out like that too . .. but do what the lawyer says he knows what he’s doing. I hated asking my doctors as well ..my orthopedic was good about it my my Dr well a bit hesitant but sent all my records through .. my neurologist was wonderful so focus on the drs that know your condition the best. I know it’s exhausting mentally and physically . But worth it . Keep the faith . Thinking of you🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I went through the exact same thing as you; trying to get ssi benefits for my various physical and emotional disabilities; I wish you the best of luck. It was so difficult to sit in front of all these people and describe going to restroom 50 plus times a day and the fact that I have bi-polar and high anxiety but it was necessary to get the benefits ( I was denied by the way;even with a lawyer) Its takes a lot of courage to go that hearing and I commend you. I also struggled contacting doctors but don’t make the mistake I did; make all your appointments and get all of the documentation because you will need it. I really hope you get the benefits you need because trying to be employed with a disability and trying to make ends meet is more difficult than people realize. Good luck and be strong.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much, I am trying to do the best I can to make the hearing go well, but it is just exhausting to have to worry about all this on top of my physical and mental issues I deal with all the time anyhow. I am so tired, but I have to keep going.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Every time you do things out of your routine, even if you don’t have a choice, it’s an achievement, so well done. I have not gone to appointments and things, then I get other appointments that have more people and scary forms to fill in. Sounds so stupid. You are so strong.

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  5. We spend so much of our lives trying to “rise above” our disabilities, it’s hard to have them all made visible and to be judged on whether you’re disabled enough, or just faking it to get the little scraps of social services you need to survive. It’s hard, hard. But you have to show them your worst or they won’t believe you’re really sick. It’s a crazy process that’s terribly disheartening and takes forever. You’re doing what you need to, and hopefully, it will all be resolved soon. Good luck from me, too.

    Liked by 1 person

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