Even My Dream Self is Depressed


I’m still struggling quite a bit. Feeling lethargic, numb, and exhausted all the time. Still not wanting to get out of bed, even though I’m not finding much refuge in sleep either, since my dreams the last couple nights have been overrun by nightmares. Quite an assortment of bad dreams too: A dream about my husband not loving me anymore, a dream about giant ants, a dream about trying to get kicked out of high school. Even in my dreams I’m miserable. During the high school dream the reason I wanted to get kicked out was because I was so depressed I just couldn’t function and wanted to go home and crash.

I’m hoping this depressive episode passes soon. I’m not sure if it is maybe exacerbated by seasonal affective disorder since I haven’t seen the sun in a while, or if this is just a shitty coincidence, but I wish I felt better.

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Hi! I am an artist, author, and blogger who also happens to have Asperger’s Syndrome. I have won several awards and honors for my writings and artwork. I suffer from a few severe mental illness and chronic pain conditions (Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, Fibromyalgia, CFS/ME, Ehlers Danlos, Degenerative Disc Disease, etc.), which greatly affects my life and makes me want to advocate for others going through similar things. Other interests of mine include reading, writing, drawing, watching cartoons and movies, collecting toys, hanging out with my family, and annoying my 3 cats.

26 thoughts on “Even My Dream Self is Depressed”

  1. My heart goes out to you. I’d say the winter definitely isn’t helping but regardless of the causes, the fact remains that it isn’t easy or nice to feel how you’re feeling. Having nightmares is especially bad because we expect at least to be somewhat left alone in our sleep. As someone else said here, hang in there.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sorry about this

    Well can you force yourself out of that bed

    Go hike uphill until the only thought is can I put one foot in front of the other

    Go help others, give without regard for reward

    Take a walk through the children’s ward at the hospital

    List all the things you are grateful for

    Those judgments about your feelings and thoughts pass on by

    Stay present and disregard thought and dreams
    Good luck

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hope this gonna be just a short time. Have experienced the same in winters and I’m always starting this season with loads of tricks and force myself to accept, that this is just my brain not working properly. Like if you had liver issues or something like this. Makes it a bit easier for me to force myself into action against this fucking bad depression! Wish you strength… And a comfortable couch 😁

    Liked by 1 person

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