I’m Writing a New Book! Diary of a Brainwashed Fundamentalist Teenager


For years now, I have considered writing a book about my teen years, when I got swept up in a fundamentalist, almost cult-like religious environment for several years. Boy, was I a mixed up kid back then! I’m using my actual diary entries from that time to illustrate what I went through psychologically trying to be this perfect “Christian” that the church I was going to at the time said I had to be. Here is a sneak peak at the introduction to the book:

“This book is one I’ve thought about writing for a while now and finally decided to just do it. As the title suggests, this is indeed one of my own diaries from when I was a teenager and was being influenced by a fundamentalist Christian mentality that sought to isolate me from everyone around me, put fear and anxiety into my heart concerning every choice I had to make, and weighed down my conscience with constant guilt over every little real or imagined transgression.

I am using the first journal I happen to have, started when I was 14 and about to enter high school. The journal covers the time I was most influenced by fundamentalist, almost cult-like ideas.

This religion told me it was wrong to wear pants as a woman. They told me it was wrong to cut my hair or wear jewelry and makeup. They told me it was wrong to listen to secular music, go to the movies, or watch tv. The internet was evil as well. They told me it was wrong to have friends that weren’t “holy” believers. They tried to make me feel like women were simply made to be complements to men, not to have dreams, goals, or lives of their own.

This religion had me constantly fearing the presence and “possession” of demons and thinking that my future didn’t matter because Jesus was coming back soon anyway, so I wouldn’t live long enough to have much of an earthly life. They even discouraged use of “man-made” medicine because it supposedly showed a lack of faith in God’s healing powers.

I have lightly edited the journal entries to make them easier to read, but have otherwise left the content as is. I have inserted italic comments in parentheses when I felt I needed to clarify something. I did leave out parts I felt were uninteresting or just don’t matter overall. I hope you enjoy reading it and can see how fundamentalist religious environments can be extremely damaging to children and teens.”

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Hi! I am an artist, author, and blogger who also happens to have Asperger’s Syndrome. I have won several awards and honors for my writings and artwork. I suffer from a few severe mental illness and chronic pain conditions (Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, Fibromyalgia, CFS/ME, Ehlers Danlos, Degenerative Disc Disease, etc.), which greatly affects my life and makes me want to advocate for others going through similar things. Other interests of mine include reading, writing, drawing, watching cartoons and movies, collecting toys, hanging out with my family, and annoying my 3 cats.

21 thoughts on “I’m Writing a New Book! Diary of a Brainwashed Fundamentalist Teenager”

  1. Should be an interesting read. I was going to be a preacher when I was little. Everyone knew it would happen. But my Catholic Church saw my hallucinations as visions. Like I was a seer of sorts. I guess that future was washed off by Hurricane Katrina. But the fear and shame is still there. I left God, but I God never left me. I still have nightmares of going to Hell. Keep strong on your path.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Back then I always wished and prayed for the gift of prophecy lol. I think writing this book will be healing for me and hopefully eye-opening to others or comforting to others who have been hurt by fundamentalist religions.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This is a great idea to base it around your diary entries and give us an insight into who you were as a teenager. And I for one would definitely be interested to read about the ‘almost cult-like religious environment’ you were caught up in. It sounds like you went through some very challenging years; has it been cathartic to write about, or difficult given the intimate nature of it? xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So far I’ve only gotten a little bit into the writing, but I’ve felt a combination of all kinds of things while going through my old journal entries – sadness, humor, nostalgia, sentimentality, anger – a whole host of emotions.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Maranda, best wishes with the book. Just as you, I would have been very uncomfortable attending a strict, fundamentalist church. I am thankful that my church experience was more caring, loving, and in the mold of what Jesus taught.

    Liked by 1 person

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