The past few days have not been the greatest. I’ve been both super anxious and fairly depressed. I guess it is probably what most people would call a mixed state in the bipolar community. I feel on edge all the time. My brain is constantly telling me something is wrong and that I need to fix it, but I don’t know what it is. The depression is telling me that I am worthless, no one really likes me anyway, and everything I do is pointless.
The depression is making me feel never good enough. It is times like these that no matter what I achieved, I would probably still feel a failure. If I suddenly won the Pulitzer Prize in poetry or had my art showcased at the Louvre, I would still find fault with it and myself in this particular mood. It is a hellish feeling.
This depression is interlaced with anxiety that pushes me to want to achieve, achieve, achieve right now, but in this state I am so all over the place that it is hard to concentrate on anything for long. Not to mention that the depression makes me feel like it is all futile anyhow, even as my whirling mind is telling me that I’m not trying hard enough.
All of this is heightening my chronic pain. I hurt so bad deep in my muscles, I feel like I have been tortured on the medieval rack.
Maranda Russell 
24 responses to “Mixed State or Hell?”
Oh so sorry for all you’re going through. Can’t you get help with your pain or anxiety?
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I do have anxiety meds and have been taking more the last day or so, but it isn’t an instant fix. For the muscle pain I have been using a TENS unit which seems to help the most, even more than the muscle relaxers and pain killers most of the time.
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I hope you find some relief. Hugs.
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Thanks. I’m hanging in there. At least I’m not suicidal, just driving myself crazy.
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Take care ❤️
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Sorry to hear you feel like this.
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Thanks. I know it will pass, but it is awful going through it.
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I am along side. Ditto to some degree. I will not have you going onward alone. I need to think for a while, then speak to you. Chris T. PS 🤓
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♥♥♥
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Really sorry for you
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I appreciate your empathy
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I am so sorry.
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You know , M, take meds for your physical pain but not the for your anxiety. That, you have to fight and I think you can. Stay strong!
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I don’t take any strong anxiety meds, no bezos. I do take Buspirone, but it isn’t nearly as strong as the more addictive ones which is why my doctor doesn’t want to put me on them.
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Okay that is good to know
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Life really sucks sometimes, doesn’t it…
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Yeah
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Thank you for sharing. Helps me to understand how someone Close to me suffers and cannot make himself understood except saying that he feels lousy but there does not seem to be anything medically wrong. He doesn’t know exactly where the pain is that he says he has.
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Glad to help if I can.
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Hang in there. 🙂
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Always lol. Not much better options.
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So sorry to hear this… I pray that you will feel better soon!
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Thank you.
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I’m so sorry you’re hurting and feel the way you are. Hoping things let up soon. 🌸
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