Reasons I’m Depressed Right Now

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  • My cat will die tomorrow. After 14+ years together.
  • A meetup group that I was truly enjoying and was beginning to feel part of disbanded for the foreseeable future.
  • I feel artistically lonely. I wish I had others in my “real” life who had the passion for art and literature (especially poetry) that I have.
  • There is a good chance I am going through early menopause and that is triggering my major increase in migraines and making my hormone levels go crazy, affecting my mood as well. The doctor says this could go on for years 😦
  • I have been fighting off migraines the last few days.
  • I wish I had someone to watch movies and tv shows with that really got into them like I do. My husband is just not a movie/tv guy.
  • There will always be a huge hole in my life where my family should be, as all of my immediate family members are dead other than my mother, who I have a shaky relationship with.
  • Climate change catastrophe and human ignorance. The realization that if scientists are right about climate change, we are likely causing our own extinction, as well as the extinction of much of life on earth. It is pretty much too late now and we humans are not willing to make the changes needed to save ourselves and the world even if there was time. In the end, industrialization may have been the absolute worst thing that could have happened to the world. I guess we can hope the scientists are wrong, but it isn’t looking good from what I see.

47 thoughts on “Reasons I’m Depressed Right Now

    1. Hmmm, I guess just the normal stuff that I’m glad I’m not homeless, that I have food to eat, that I have a caring husband. I don’t have anything special to be happy about right now, but there are always some things I’m grateful for.

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  1. It’s kind of hard to like soemthng like this, you know.

    First of all, it does no good to worry about things you can do nothing about, like climate change.

    I believe they call this castrophic thinking. I do the same thing. Or I used to.Don’t worry about it until it happens, and the odds that it will happen in our lifetime are slim. Depending on how old you are. I know I will never see it.

    It’s unfortunate that your husband isn’t supportive. But it is not for me to say he is. I do not know. But maybe he could suffer through a movie occasionally.

    You’re not alone. I have no family except for an estranged brother who might call me twice a year. He wouldn’t now if I was dead or alive or left the state because I have no inclination to tell him if I do. That we he will never know if I’m dead or alive and can’t collect on that 50k life insurance policy my selfish mother took out on me and made him the beneficiary.

    Neither do I have anyone in my “real” life either who enjoys the thingsi do like literature & poetry. But I’m okay with that. I have enough friends online that do and support me.

    As far as your group is concerned, have you tried contacting any of them? Better yet, seek out and join another group. I’m sure there are plenty of groups even if they aren’t necessarily geared toward your specific problems.

    I joined cocaine anonymous once, just for kicks. You can get a lot of laughs out of ex-addicts and alcoholics, and it doesn’t take long to find someone who is worse of than you. Heck, just look out in the street all these homeless people is enough to make anyone depressed.

    But, count your blessings. You do have a husband, which is more than I even have. I can’t land a girlfriend to save my soul, and this recent one I met, I don’t even know if she will call me when she gets back from her cruise she probably hooked up with some camana boy.

    So don’t despair. Be like the Hulk.

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    1. I wouldn’t say my husband is unsupportive, and he does sometimes sit through movies with me, but he just doesn’t connect to them like I do. I’ve always connected deeply on an emotional level to stories whether they be in writing, movies, tv series, or whatnot. He is definitely more left-brained and has a hard time appreciating fiction in any form.

      I do talk to the friends I’ve made in that group regularly, they are just going through a lot right now too, so not sure when we will be able to get together. It is hard when you get used to having people around and then they aren’t there. At least it is for me. Part of it may be the change in routine thing. Part of it might be that it is hard for me to open up in the first place in person, so it is hard to just jump into another group, you know? I am trying a new book club, but they don’t meet until the first of Feb.

      Maybe I should try an addict group, even though I’m not addicted to anything but maybe sugar lol. I didn’t always like how supportive they seem to be.

      I am sorry to hear about your girlfriend troubles, as lonely as I feel sometimes, I am thankful I’m not trying to do the dating thing. I know I would be horrible at it. I’m pretty sure my husband is on the autistic spectrum too, so I doubt either of us would have even talked to each other had we not met online first.

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    2. And for the climate change thing, it is hard for me not to mourn and feel sorrow when I see so many species already facing extinction. I’ve always been a huge animal lover, actually liking many animals more than most humans lol. It breaks my heart to see the natural diversity of our planet already breaking down.

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  2. Maranda, I understand the pain of losing a pet. My own daughters lost a cat after she was with us for several years.

    I appreciate you enjoy movies. I enjoy viewing the older genre of films from the 1930s through the 1960s.

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      1. I love them too.
        Im sad that you are sad.
        I wish I could reach out and hug you but I’m too far away. Despite that, I send a hug and prayers for tomorrow. I’m not going to tell you that it’s easier. It’s bloddy awful most of the time. What I will tell you and remind you of is that you are valued. Listen to the loving and supportive comments, especially tune into Charles sense of humour to just try and get through this. One hour at a time, it’s easier that way. I know from experience. 🌺🌸🌻🤗

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  3. In regard to human extinction, we sure are stubborn. Denialists can never give me an actual reason they deny climate change so in my view it is addiction and fear of change. Hugs for the awful situation with your beloved cat.

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  4. Oh dear Maranda, I can so sympathise with you, on all those points you’ve touched on(except menopause, and I recently lost my little dog) …… oh to have a friend or someone close, who has my passion for poetry……. maybe a song to cheer us up…

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    1. I think that will be easier once the dread of having my cat put down is over later today. It has been hard knowing that is coming and not being able to do anything about it. I am glad he won’t be suffering anymore.

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  5. I cannot possibly begin to comment on every one of your heartbreaks, although I would love to. I am truly, truly sorry for all that you are going through. My first husband beat me, cheated on me and divorced me. I lived alone for many years and I was so lonely. I did not have custody of my 4 children- they were taken away from me. My fiancé died, (many years ago) at age 31, on Mother’s Day, three months before our wedding day. I have not been allowed to see my grandchildren for four years. One of the mothers (my daughter) told her children terrible things about me and my husband, and the children now hate us and no longer want to see us. I am home alone ( I have no car and do not drive. I live out in the country- there are no buses) ten hours a day, five days a week. I have stage 4 kidney disease. I started the new year off being diagnosed with breast cancer. It is my second time getting cancer and I am at high risk for getting it again. I am having a total mastectomy of both breasts and chemotherapy. My hair will fall out. I mean all of my hair including eyelashes and eyebrows. I will be very sick for months. I will be as weak and lifeless as a wet dishcloth. My sons live far away and never call me. They rarely answer the phone when I call. And my daughters ( mothers of my grandchildren) have not spoken to me in four years. One daughter was told I have cancer and she still never called. Yet I still have so many things to be grateful for and I still have joy in my heart. Please read my blogs and today.
    ❤️Terri D

    https://willowbentleysmama.wordpress.com/2020/01/20/joy-in-the-hard-times/

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    1. Wow, you have had an extremely hard life. I am so sorry that you have been put through so much and continue to be put through hell. I know we all have times when our troubles seem to loom larger than normal. I guess it is just getting through those hard times and working towards trying to make things better if they can improve at all that shows our strength.

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  6. I am writing your name down and I will pray for you. My church is my family. They love me, encourage me and pray for me. May I suggest you find a Bible preaching church? Don’t wait for people to introduce themselves to you- you speak up and introduce yourself to others. Jesus will pour out his love to you through others. Jesus loves you so much He died in the cross for you. If you repent of your sins and have faith in Jesus you will become a child of God and He will help you through these hard times.
    ❤️Terri D

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    1. I really appreciate your prayers! Unfortunately, my experience with religion and churches have been pretty negative. Especially the more strict denominations like the one I was born into where they have a bunch of arbitrary rules about clothing, hair, entertainment, etc., but show very little mercy, compassion, and love. I have sort of been searching for a spiritual community and have found a couple places I feel might fit, but I guess time will tell.

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  7. Oh Maranda, any one of these is enough, not all of them. I think today is ‘the day’. Hang in there. It’s going to be shitty awful, but there can be brighter days ahead and hopefully some migraine-free ones (I really, really feel for your pain with those, absolute nightmare). Please take good care of yourself and know we’re thinking of you and loves you muchly  ♥
    Caz xx

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  8. I’m sorry. Hope you can hang in there.

    It’s a crappy world isn’t it? There’s a lot of problems, a lot of suffering and injustice and the depressed mind sees it with a clarity that our politicians could do with.

    But it’s also a beautiful world, all at the same time. There are things of incomparable wonder happening everything second as well. That’s why we carry on despite the garbage foisted on us

    I hope you find better health soon, I hope you find the strength to find a community (offline) that brings you comfort and joy.

    Best wishes.

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  9. I am really sorry to hear about your cat. I had to put my cat down two years ago and he was my heart. I understand how painful it is to lose a pet that is a part of us. I am sorry about your family situation also. I do have most of my family of origin still with me except my Dad who passed twelve years ago. I am single though and am almost 40. I’ve never been married and feel like it probably isn’t in the cards for me. I tell you this because there is always something we have that someone else wishes they did. I know I am blessed with my family and my career. I try to be grateful for what I have, but it is hard when there is something else I want and almost feel like I need to be happy. I know that a man won’t fix me though even if I feel like he would. Marriage comes with a whole different set of issues. Anyway – I hope what I said makes sense. I hope you feel better though I know you are going through some rough times and need time to grieve and heal.

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    1. Makes perfect sense. I am very grateful for my husband, overall we have a great relationship, although things have been tough lately just because of the grief we share over our dying pet and both of us having various health challenges. I’m hoping that now that the worst is over with our kitty we can begin to heal from that.

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