Why I Don’t Like Porn

| marandarussell

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I’ve never liked porn. It used to be because I was a Christian and felt like it was “sinful” to look at porn. After leaving the church, my moral beliefs about porn became confused, but I still felt that something was off about the whole thing.

So, being me, I started investigating the porn industry to try to figure out a logical moral stance on the issue. The first problem I came across is probably the most serious issue with porn in my opinion – far too many women (and probably some men too) in the porn industry are forced into the profession through human trafficking. In other words – SEXUAL SLAVERY. Additionally, many underage girls are used in porn and their ages are lied about.

Another issue I came across was the prevalence of violence and physical/verbal abuse (specifically towards women) to be found in porn. Some studies suggest that up to 90% of porn on the market features some kind of violence or abuse towards women. What do you think this does to the minds of young kids and teenagers who watch?

Lastly, porn has some real-life personal problems for men particularly. Porn has a real addictive quality to it. Many men get to the point where they can’t stop watching even if they want to. Many addicted men develop erectile dysfunction, even young guys, because watching porn often can make your brain unable to respond to any sexual stimuli other than porn. This has ruined many relationships, as men become unable to perform sexually with their wives, girlfriends, etc. Further, the secretive nature of addiction (if involved) can take a toll on any relationship.

One good website to find out more about these facts and porn studies is truthaboutporn.org. They feature a huge database dedicated to scientific studies about the harmful effects pornography can have.  They also explain how porn can damage individuals, relationships, and society in general.

Feel free to share your own thoughts, feelings, and experiences about porn in the comments if you wish! I have often wondered if maybe we need an “ethical” porn option (guaranteed to be free from sexual violence, abuse, trafficking and underage participants) , but even that wouldn’t address all of the harmful effects porn can have on individuals and relationships.

33 thoughts on “Why I Don’t Like Porn”

    1. Yeah, you don’t realize how harmful it really is until you look at the studies. It is frightening how many teens are already addicted to it. I can’t help but wonder what that will mean for the future.

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  2. A complicated issue in a couple of small ways. Overall, I’d agree with you that most “adult content” is an extremely distorted view of sexual relationships. Your suggestion about ethical porn may be the closest thing to a solution. Theoretically, we already have that here in the U.S. (and presumably the rest of the West) with strict laws on age, etc… California even passed a law a year or two ago that condoms are required for porn filmed there.

    Anyway, the laws don’t stop the pedophiles and other freaks completely, but they at least guarantee a harsh prison sentence. Pedos and rapists have a rough time in prison also. Other inmates do NOT take kindly to them. Even then that doesn’t do much to stop porn from foreign countries though.

    I think my issue with sites like the one you mentioned is that they just lump all porn together. There are films geared towards women, like 1993’s “Cabin Fever”. Those are more of a “trashy romance novel” turned into a graphic film. That’s a FAR cry from hardcore BDSM porn. Promoting healthier stuff like that MIGHT be the key to undoing some of the damage the bad stuff causes. Censorship won’t work there. It’ll just drive it underground where it’s harder to regulate.

    Something has to be done to reverse the idea that the hardcore BDSM is what all women want though, and that kind of domination is what makes a “man”. There IS a VERY small percentage of women who are into that. I do not understand it at all myself, I just know it’s true. I’d put the actual submissives and curious about that at maybe 1/2 of 1 percent though. Boys (I won’t call them men) have to be taught that 99.5 times out of 100, their partner is going to have a VERY bad reaction to being choked or similar treatment. It is NOT a “just try it, once you do you’ll love it” thing.

    It’s funny you posted this, as I’d been thinking about doing a post or series of posts along these lines in my erotica blog (not the main, safe for work blog).

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    1. Thanks for the input. I do know there are some regulations in some countries, but the porn companies seem to like living dangerously and skirting legalities in the studies I’ve seen…even in the west. I’ve heard personal stories of underage girls and women abused and trafficked in the west too, so it still happens sadly.

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      1. Yes, it does still happen. Atlanta has a HUGE sex trafficking problem as an example. That part is wrong, and I’m not pretending otherwise.

        What I am saying is that further efforts to clean up the industry would benefit more than driving it underground like booze during prohibition.

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      2. Just a simple Google search for articles about ethical porn and if it really exists will highlight many issues still occurring in the porn industry. Those are mainline news sources, and not generally conservative ones. Also, as one ABC article I read said, even if ethical porn exists, it is likely not “free porn” which is the majority of what is viewed online.

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      3. As someone else mentioned in their comments, these types of “recruiters” target a certain kind of girl from dysfunctional families, so some young girls don’t have their parents (or anyone else) to fight for them sadly.

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    2. Another thing I read an article about once was how some US porn companies seek out underage girls to “recruit” for as soon as they turn 18 and can legally do porn. Some of these “recruiters” would even hang around high school football games to scope out cheerleaders and such. To me, that seems so creepy and predatory. I assume this would happen mostly in areas where the porn/sex industry is big like LA, Las Vegas, etc.

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      1. You’ve “heard” but have you seen first hand evidence (videos, arrest reports) or just hear-say from sites like that one? In California, that would get them arrested as sexual predators. Here in Tennessee they’d have more to worry about from parents armed with shotguns, LOL. Again, it probably happens, but I suspect is MUCH rarer than you’re being led to believe.

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  3. I don’t want to tell other consenting adults what to think, read, watch, etc. But I do feel negative about porn right now personally as I think it’s given a huge percentage of men very unrealistic ideas about what normal women look like, act like, and want. Perhaps it’s what helped to ruin dating for me later in life, idk, as the men I met were so explicit and gross about sex immediately upon contact. Like hello can’t we get to know each other for a while geez

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  4. hello .very very well said about Porn, i hate/detest it .as a child i was Abused sexually i was SHOWN Porn .such a
    Sick EFFECT .my story of Abuse is in a Authors Book .people never see the every day effects .there views/judgements
    are very Snotty Nosed
    my blog,http;//mark-kent.webs.com
    twitter.supersnopper

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  5. Yes, based on my own research as well, what you’re saying is true about porn addiction, close connections with trafficking in large swaths of the porn industry, etc. And I also don’t believe in the possibility of “ethical porn.” For one thing, it’s pretty obvious that while a great many porn actress/actors *are* of age, have technically consented, and haven’t strictly been trafficked, they are broken, damaged people. In the vast majority of cases, they were not just as “free” to enter a more socially acceptable profession, to get a college degree, etc. — from everything I’ve heard and read, so many grew up in awful, often sexually or otherwise abusive family situations, and/or faced real poverty, and/or developed chemical dependencies very early and needed to finance them, etc., in addition to cases of straightforward trafficking. If there are a very few exceptions out there, to me that only proves the rule. And even porn that doesn’t employ human actors — that employs dolls, animation, etc. — still involves what you mention about porn’s effects on the user: it creates dependence, it re-wires the brain so that it associates sexuality with this sort of stimulus rather than human intimacy, it habituates the user into seeing others as sexual objects they can “use,” etc.

    I’m glad you have this perspective even after leaving Christianity. I notice, though, that you frame this post in terms of personal taste (“Why I Don’t Like Porn”), even if it’s a very *strong* personal taste, rather than moral conviction (“Why I Think Porn Is Wrong” or something). You may disagree on this, but I’m skeptical that one *can* hold such a moral conviction — consistently, anyway — apart from a religiously- or at least metaphysically-grounded sexual ethics and vision of human flourishing. Of course, lots of garbage about sexuality is taught in parts of the church (e.g., everything associated with “purity culture”), but there are definitely more intellectually robust approaches too (e.g., the “Theology of the Body” framework of Pope John Paul II).

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    1. Thanks for your post! I think ethics related to anything that harms human beings is simply part of humanism, which can definitely be secular. You don’t need religion to feel empathy for the pain of others and want to stop it. I do think religion helps many to have a set of ethics and morals and it can be good for that, but isn’t essential for empathy and compassion.

      I agree that the concept of “ethical porn” is highly unlikely to work or remain untainted by corruption even if tried.

      And yes, there definitely is a connection between young girls from bad families and backgrounds and being enticed into porn or sexual trafficking. It is very sad.

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    1. So I hear! I honestly haven’t watched a lot of the stuff that is online. I saw some porn magazines and porn videos as a kid and have seen a bit of online porn, but never really delved deeply into it, which sounds like a good thing.

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      1. I noticed a difference in what was offered in the 70s – 80s was quite misogynistic but tame, in the nineties it shifted to be predatory, at least that’s what we picked up at uni in terms of violence – we trying to work with whether there was a link between that type of porn and sexual assault.

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  10. A GREATLY NEEDED DISCUSSION, YOU ‘VE HIT THE NAIL ON THE PROVERBIAL HEAD IN MANY WAYS! i’LL CHECK OUT THAT WEBSITE. I AM A CHRISTIAN AND IT WASN’T REALLY A FACTOR TILL INTRODUCED TO IT AT WORK MY WIFE KNOWS THAT I STRUGGLE WITH IT.

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  12. Glennon Doyle (Doyle-Melton at the time) wrote about her experience with her husband and pornography. She depicted that pornographic fantasy transported her husband away from her during their intimacy. His use of pornography contributed to his/their disconnection.

    Young people are so vulnerable, and this content is so prevalent. Please, if this content exists, can we all keep it locked away from kids? Firewalls, lock boxes, whatever it takes.

    And please help decrease demand for these products so that no one will want to make it

    It matters to love young people and accept them on their own terms. They are so vulnerable.

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  15. I appreciate your thoughtful synopsis on the problems. After some research – porn definitely rewires the brain and takes over the dopamine rush – tying happiness to porn. A very sad thing to think about those involved unwillingly in the industry as well – I think surveys show 9/10 would leave the industry if they could financially!

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