And the Mood Disorder Strikes Again…

| marandarussell

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I’ve had a really bad couple days. The day before yesterday I had a total meltdown because I couldn’t get a painting right. It was kind of the last straw, as I have been struggling terribly with irritability, anxiety, ocd, and anger lately. At first I thought it was just a phase or one of the mood swings that mood disorders bring, but it has lasted a long time now and I am starting to wonder if it has to do with the new med I have been put on (Lamictal). The irritability and worsening ocd definitely seem to have started as I began taking higher doses of the drug.

Yesterday all the anger, irritation, and anxiety turned into depression and I cried a lot, felt helpless and hopeless, and entertained some pretty dark thoughts. I was in one of those moods where I felt utterly worthless and felt that no one liked me or cared about me, I even felt like my husband was sick of me. That was probably projection as I’M sick of being around me in this state.

Today I’m a bit better (no crying yet), but still feeling low and exhausted. I haven’t been sleeping well lately at all, which isn’t helping. Just not in a good place right now.

33 thoughts on “And the Mood Disorder Strikes Again…”

  2. *hug* Hang in there. One step at a time on the way back.

    TRY to have patience with yourself on your art too. I know it’s hard. I hit walls with my writing all the time. It’s really frustrating when I read posts that say “just do it” also. Sometimes you just have to step back a little and look for inspiration outside of the work 🙂

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    1. Thanks ♥ I think what is frustrating me about the art is that I’m trying an entirely different medium (spray paint art) and it is NOT the same as other painting forms. I am really hard on myself when I don’t just pick things up quickly and I have to actually work at something.

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      1. Well, there you go. Things take time, but overcoming that learning curve is what gives the final win true meaning. 🙂

        I can relate to the frustration though. When I was a kid, I was good at everything really quick. Adult stuff is more complicated though, I had to finally accept. 🙂

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  3. Crying is good, it’s a release my dear. I find the more i lean inyo my feelings and stop resisting them, the easier things get the next go around. Sending you peaceful loving vibes. Keep creating, it’s a wonderful outlet😉❤

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  6. ♡ It may be the “meds”; it’s Crystal Clear Clarity that I AM No Expert and I Quit My Meds and My Yawning Psychiatrist Got Money from My Compensation Case and Hung Me Out to Dry, I Survived

    …♡♡♡…

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      1. ◇ – Diamond Hard – ◇

        ◇ My Marvellous Mom is a Retired Medical Expert; who has Breast Cancer and Refuses Chemo and RadioTherapy Treatment that’s NOT!!! a Cure Trusting instead to HER!!! Amazing, Awesome AutoImmune System and The Divine

        ◇ – Diamond Hard – ◇

        …◇◇◇…

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  7. My closet is really small, but I’ll be glad to clear some things out to make room for you if you want to join me! I’m feeling apathetic at best and holding onto it for dear life so I don’t fall to that deep place where you are. But please know that you’re not alone in how you’re feeling and we’re here for you!

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  8. I hope you’re feeling better….I somehow can understand how you feel….coz I’m quite known to panic, anxiety, restlessness, breathing issues….one step at a time….slow n steady is what I’m doing….take care….

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  10. Maranda, I am sorry you are experiencing a difficult period. I think you may be right that the medication is the problem. Maybe a different drug would work better for you. Someone I know is bipolar and tried drug after drug, suffering effects like you are describing with each one of them. They are now taking medical marijuana, which is not perfect but is working better for them than the drugs. I hope you feel better. Take care. Cheryl

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