Dreary Day for a Dreary Mood

It’s a dreary day here. The fog is so thick, I can’t see past our nearest neighbors’ houses. It kind of matches my mood inside. Feeling sluggish, depressed, and exhausted.

I’ve been having crazy dreams at night, which are leaving me feeling like I haven’t slept. Last night I dreamed that Trump died, but I was surrounded by Trumpers when I got the news and their grief and anger was so overwhelming, I had to pretend to be heartbroken too or I was afraid they would hurt me.

A couple nights ago, I had the EXACT same dream at least three times in a row, even waking up at the exact same moment. That dream was about some weird plot to invite everyone around to this huge mansion or castle-like building and then kill them all off one by one until only the mastermind behind the plot was left. Each time it got down to only the one guy left, I would wake up. It was strange because I wasn’t really in the dream either, it was more like I was watching it unfold from a viewing point, like watching a movie or something.

I’ve also been struggling a lot with insecurity in my relationship with my husband. He is doing everything he can to show me that he is sorry for hurting me in the past and is working on fixing his own emotional issues, but I still feel insecure and scared at times that he will somehow undo the progress he has made and go back to old habits.

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Hi! I am an artist, author, and blogger who also happens to have Asperger’s Syndrome. I have won several awards and honors for my writings and artwork. I suffer from a few severe mental illness and chronic pain conditions (Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, Fibromyalgia, CFS/ME, Ehlers Danlos, Degenerative Disc Disease, etc.), which greatly affects my life and makes me want to advocate for others going through similar things. Other interests of mine include reading, writing, drawing, watching cartoons and movies, collecting toys, hanging out with my family, and annoying my 3 cats.

19 thoughts on “Dreary Day for a Dreary Mood”

  1. Exact same here! from the fog to the terrible dreams (no trumpers thank god lol) to working on things with the husband. πŸ‘β€οΈπŸ˜Š

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Oh lots of us out there

    I joined an online meditation group for a change

    Just to see how they can rejoice at life, feel safe and secure


    It helps me know life can be entirely different

    We worry a lot

    Liked by 2 people

  3. The way you describe your repetitive dream is EXACTLY how I view all dreams and memories, as stated in my blog post “Third Person Perspective”. Just as you and hubby were first dating, you had to work at building trust, and I think that’s where you are now (again, darn it!). There is no time line for when that trust is completely rebuilt (it took me 30 years until I learned to trust – or at least no longer fear – the family member who molested me. Grant yourself time and accept that this is a journey you are both on – separately and together.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. πŸ’œ YOU!!! ARE Doing Great, this isn’t Gonna Resolve OverNight; it’s Crystal Clear Clarity that Any Reconciliation WILL NEVER!!! Work by Walking On Eggshells in False, Fake Comfort Zones that Probably Spawned The Falling Out in The First Place…the Confrontation of Raw Reality in ALL its Brutal, Brutish, Resplendent, Raging, Searing, Savage Splendour is The First and, certainly, The Most Difficult Step on a Journey to Successful Reconciliation; this Fiery, Flammable, Fury Fuelled First Scary Step is followed by Serene Reflection, Honest Self Analysis along with Holding Others Accountable and Responsible for Their Contribution in the Absence of BLAME!!! and Finding Fault, a Very DIFFICULT!!! Balancing Act


    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hi,
    Healing takes time but changing and sticking to better habits needs to be supported by a good system. I am reading a book now that helps to get rid of bad habits but the brilliance of the book is how to create good habits overtime. The type of habits that change or make up your identity in a positive way. Maybe your husband would enjoy the book. I just started reading the book and I am blogging about it through each chapter. The book is Atomic Habits by James Clear. Maybe your husband reading and working through a book like this would ease your fear of him backsliding. Good luck—J

    Liked by 1 person

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