Time Flies Mixed Media Collage

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“Time flies” is an expression we often hear, and there may be some truth to it, especially when it comes to “time flies when you’re having fun”. I’ve noticed time doesn’t fly nearly as much if you are depressed or in pain, which is unfortunate, since that is the time it would be best for time to pass swiftly. Just another little unfair quirk of reality. However, I am thankful for the times that do run as swift as a flooded river, because the memories of those good times help get me through the days when time crawls by like a wounded caterpillar. In appreciation of those good times, I created the above little mixed media collage ACEO artwork and thought I would share it with all of you.

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Timid Tears and Fearless Frowns

"Lust and Envy" by Maranda Russell

Have you ever had
a timid tear
lace its way down
your cheek
and then hide
‘neath your ear?

Or tried to
smile – only
to find
a fearless frown
that refuses
to mind?

~ Art and Poetry by Maranda Russell

At the Crossroads

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You string me along
like floss
then toss me away
like a song.
You want me
only when it’s
convenient –
when your pastel
world loses
color and you
need me to
brighten the walls.

But now I see
your game –
I’m wise to your
disguise.
Not afraid to
walk away, I
leave you at
the crossroads
facing your own
demise.

~ Art & Poetry by Maranda Russell

Bulging Discs, Traction, and Pain Management

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Well, I found out yesterday that as well as having degenerative disc disease throughout my cervical and thoracic spine, I also have a bulging disc that is pressing on the nerves surrounding it and likely causing most of the excruciating upper back pain I have been experiencing for several years now. The doctor wants me to do traction therapy and then see pain management for injections and other pain modalities that might help. I’m pretty bummed about it.

On one hand, I am thankful they aren’t pushing for surgery yet, but on the other hand I know the doctor isn’t ruling it out and that kind of scares me. I know for some people traction works wonders, but for others it doesn’t. I hope it helps me. Anything that keeps me from having to be eventually sliced open is a good thing in my opinion. I figured I would share this information with an old drawing I did years ago entitled “Crick in the Neck” (pictured above). I figured it fit the subject matter well, and it was always one of my favorite drawings I’ve done. If the treatments do help the pain, it would be really good for my art and my writing, as both are hard to do when my back is acting up (since the pain shoots down into my arms as well).

Blah Painting for a Blah Day

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Kind of a blah, muddled painting for a blah, muddled day. Just not feeling it today…any of it. Really tempted to go back to bed, but I already slept 11 hours or so. I can always tell when I’m super depressed because I sleep A LOT. The normal 8 hours of sleep becomes 12 hours a night. And even then, I want to sleep all day too, I just try not to allow myself. I always did like that joke about how being “super depressed” is just like being “regular depressed”, except that for “super depression” you wear a cape. I need a cape.

Turtle in a Half Shell Gouache Abstract Painting

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I affectionately call this abstract ACEO painting “Turtle in a Half Shell”. Now how many of you have the TMNT theme song stuck in your head? You’re welcome 🙂

Bad Depression

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I’ve been really struggling with depression lately. And I mean really struggling. Like, can’t get out of bed struggling. Like sleeping more than half the day struggling. Even when I do finally get out of bed, I often find myself back in bed soon after, lying there staring at the wall and the ceiling for unlimited amounts of time. I do still have an appetite at least, but I think a lot of that is the meds, which make me hungry almost all the time. Of course, sometimes with depression I do tend to comfort eat as well. So along with the desire to do absolutely nothing, I am also plagued with anxiety about gaining weight from being hungry all the time. I don’t see the doctor again until the day after Christmas, so I am just having to muddle through the best I can, but it is really hard. I feel like I am constantly fighting just to function at all. Even washing my hair or brushing my teeth seems too much for me most of the time and I have to force myself to do it. This level of lethargy is ridiculous, and sometimes I wonder how I’m alive at all.