Personal post – Worst disability of mine

As many of you know, I’ve had a bunch of health problems for a long time. Even as a kid I had chronic stomach, ear, and sinus issues. At 19, I developed my first chronic pain condition. My medical rap sheet is a mile long.

But, I’ve NEVER experienced anything as disabling as these chronic migraines I’ve had the past few years. Migraines up to 20+ days a month, and pretty much ALL DAY when I have them. The longest straight stretch was 9 days of migraines. I also get excruciating neck pain, vertigo, and nausea with the migraines. Perhaps the worst thing is that when I have them, I can’t read or write. I can’t watch tv. I can’t stand to be in the car. Even if I don’t have a migraine, a long drive will almost always guarantee I’ll develop one, so we plan very few getaways, even when we want, need, and can afford them. There is no escape. Just long days and nights laying in the dark silence, hoping to God the pain stops.

So far meds haven’t worked too well. Botox didn’t work. Tomorrow I try my first nerve block and I’m cautiously hopeful. Still, through it all, I try to remember how lucky I am that I don’t have to work, as I have no clue how I could ever hold down a job like this. I’m thankful that my husband is committed to taking care of me and loving me even when life sucks. I’m glad my kitties bring me a smile. I’m glad to have social media to vent to lol. Looking for things to be grateful for makes you feel better, even at your worst.

Why I’ve Been MIA (and my 39th birthday!)

Hi everyone! I know it has been a while since you heard from me! I went from blogging everyday or every other day, to struggling to blog once or twice a week, to just not blogging at all for over a month. I think part of it might have been burnout, part of it was a deep depression I was going through, and part of it was feeling somewhat like I put a lot of effort into blogging and didn’t feel like I always got a lot out of it.

Have you ever felt that way? I decided I wanted to concentrate more on my “real” life instead of spending so much time online and on social media. Have you ever felt like maybe you were neglecting your real life by spending too much time online? I think it is a huge problem in today’s society. We miss out on so much by always being on our phones, computers, etc. I want to make sure I am fully present in my life and experiencing real things, not just simulated things or living vicariously through others.

By the way, today is my 39th birthday! I figured it would be a good time to check in, since I’ve been meaning to write something on here but just kept putting it off. Once you get out of the habit, it can be hard to get back in. Anyhow, I can’t believe that I’m so close to 40 now! That used to sound so old! It kind of still does to be honest lol. I feel like I should still be in my 20’s, but here I am!

To celebrate my birthday, I think I’m going to do something I always wanted to do as a kid, but never got to…I’m having a party at Chuck E. Cheese. I’m gonna eat some pizza and chocolate cake, play some skeeball and video games, and pretend to be a kid again. We all need that once in a while.

By the way, I went to an art class yesterday and I created this cute little Halloween picture, thought you guys might like it 🙂

WordPress Plan Question

Does anyone know what will happen if you choose NOT to renew your paid WordPress plan? Will you go back to the free version and still be able to post and see past posts, or will you lose it all? When I started on WordPress, it was free, except for the fee I paid annually (about $20) to get my own domain name.

I still pay the domain name fee. However, I was considering letting my Personal WordPress plan expire next month (the one that costs $4 a month). I started using an upgraded plan because I wanted a chance at getting ad money, but it just isn’t worth it as the ads don’t pay much of anything and I spend more on the membership plan than the ad revenue I get back.

Have any of you recently cancelled a paid WordPress plan and went back to a free blog? If so, how did the transition go. Did any important changes happen I should be aware of?

Fellow Blogger Drama

(If you enjoy personal drama posts, you’ll like this one lol. I’m not going to name the person or blog, as I don’t think that is necessary or constructive, but the whole set of circumstances hurt my feelings and disappointed me and I wanted to vent.)

Ok, so I had this blogger friend. One that I thought of as a close friend and great source of mutual support. Something rare to find in the blogging community. She also blogs about many of the issues I blog about (mental illness, etc.) We encouraged each other consistently and even supported each other outside of WordPress by reading and reviewing each other’s books. I really thought of her as a close blogging/online friend.

Then one day she posted about a medical procedure that I had been told by my psychiatrist was dangerous and could have some serious side effects. I mentioned what I had been advised about the procedure by my doctor in a comment on the post, although I did explain that I certainly was no expert on the subject and wasn’t entirely sure if my doctor gave me completely accurate information and that I would have to investigate the subject further.

Because of me even questioning the safety of the procedure, it seemed like she just cut off all communication with me. I waited a while thinking maybe I hadn’t worded things right and had hurt her feelings or something and wanted to give her time to cool off. However, even though I tried to keep supporting her because I wanted to salvage our friendship, she refused to respond. Eventually I decided to email her and apologize if I had misspoken, hurt her feelings, or offended her as I definitely did NOT have any intention of doing so.

She emailed me back (I do appreciate that, because had she not, I never would have gotten any closure on the whole issue), and told me that since I had “promoted stigmatizing misinformation” that she pretty much blocked me automatically across the board.

So, am I the asshole for thinking this was an overreaction and being very hurt by the blatant rejection of someone I had considered a close blogger friend? How would you feel?

Mothman Pizza?

My husband and I went to Point Pleasant West Virginia for a few days to visit the Mothman museum and other touristy-type stuff. While there, we went to a local pizza place that boasted a “Mothman shaped pizza”…not sure it really looks like the Mothman to me lol…

What do you think? Do you see the Mothman there? At least it tasted good, although a few pieces were super olive-y!

Struggling to Blog – Depression or something more?

Lately I’ve really been struggling to blog. I don’t feel enthusiastic or motivated about it. I’m not sure if I’m feeling burnout or what is going on. Have you ever gone through this as a blogger? If so, what did you do? Did you force yourself to keep to your blogging schedule anyway and just trudge through it? Did you take a little vacation? Find some outside way to motivate yourself?

I don’t think it is simply coincidence that this feeling has come at a time that I have been fighting off a deep depression, but I’m not sure if that is all of it. To be fair, it has been hard to motivate myself to do much of anything lately, but writing seems especially tedious right now, and I feel like I have nothing of value to say anyway 😦

Annoyed

Ugh! I’m feeling annoyed right now. You ever feel like people purposefully do (or don’t do) certain things just to annoy you? I know that is probably a skewed viewpoint, influenced by my own sense of self-importance lol, but I just don’t understand why when someone says they will or won’t do something….they can’t just stick by their word.

Sorry for the rant. I couldn’t think of anything else to write about today because I’m so irritated. Maybe you could share something funny or interesting in the comments to distract me. I hope you all are having a better day so far than I am!

Stupid Decisions and Sandwiches

Note to self – if the coloring of the meat on your sandwich looks off to you, don’t eat it, even if it smells/tastes ok!

Man, I’ve had a miserable last 20 hours or so. I’m not entirely sure, but think I might have gotten food poisoning, or if nothing else, some slightly spoiled meat really upset my stomach. Guess that will teach me to get takeout from a sandwich shop and then run a bunch of errands in hot weather before getting home to refrigerate the leftovers.

I think today is going to be a lazy day of recuperating. The saddest part? The sandwich didn’t even taste that good 😦