Lately I’ve been thinking that I really want to embrace positivity and “raise my vibration” as they say in spiritual circles. I want to fear life less and feel more secure in who I am. I want to learn how to extend the dedication and loyalty to myself that I so easily give to those closest to me.
I want to focus more on love, peace, hope, joy, and oneness, and focus less on division, anger, despair, and apathy. To be honest, I feel that I’ve somewhat been stuck in a mire of negativity and pessimism since my sister killed herself six years ago. The trauma from that event caused such a raging storm of guilt, confusion, pain, regret, and loss of faith in anything I used to believe in.
I don’t want to undo the last six years, because I feel I have learned a lot and some of the things I have let go of needed to be let go, but I need to learn how to live for myself and my future now. I can’t change the past, but I can shape a better, brighter future.
I want to make a difference in other peoples’ lives too. I want to inspire and encourage others. I want to learn how to trust again.
As I mentioned recently, now that I have a new, better phone, I (hopefully) plan to start making YouTube videos again more regularly. I figured I would occasionally share videos here on my blog too in case any of you are interested.
This one that I made yesterday is just a fun overview of my newest favorite paganish/mythological toys/collectibles and books:
Aren’t these Anubis and Bastet figures (the two in the back) I got at Indianapolis Children’s Museum adorable? I put together a cute little display featuring them (along with their more traditional figures), a raven/wolf candle made by Tamed Wild, and some feathers and seedpods. I think my next display will be unicorn inspired. I enjoy doing these little seasonal (or just random) decorations.
Yesterday was busy! In the morning, my husband and I went to a program at our local library put on my Wright Patterson Air Force Base about the history of UFOs and Project Blue Book (one of the programs that they had to investigate UFO reports). It was interesting, although obviously they didn’t share anything major about government secrets or possible cover-up programs.
The guy giving the speech did have a good sense of humor. I especially enjoyed this graphic he shared:
In the evening, we went to a local church for a meditation group. We did an hour of meditation called the “Twin Hearts” meditation which focused mostly on the heart and crown chakras. After that, we did some fun Tarot card readings just for kicks.
It was kind of funny, because I’ve studied the Tarot system and symbology, but my husband who has never done any card reading at all was called “more advanced” by the instructor. I will have to admit though that he surprised me with his perceptiveness and the things he saw and felt from the cards which I never would have thought of. He normally struggles to get out of his left brain thinking, but I guess maybe images help him to do so.
We used two separate decks, a dragon themed one and an archangels themed one. My favorite was the dragons!
(Ok, I’m breaking the wordless rule, but these pictures were taken yesterday at a local park that was hit hard by a tornado recently. I still found some beauty to share though!)
For years now, I have considered writing a book about my teen years, when I got swept up in a fundamentalist, almost cult-like religious environment for several years. Boy, was I a mixed up kid back then! I’m using my actual diary entries from that time to illustrate what I went through psychologically trying to be this perfect “Christian” that the church I was going to at the time said I had to be. Here is a sneak peak at the introduction to the book:
“This book is one I’ve thought about writing for a while now and finally decided to just do it. As the title suggests, this is indeed one of my own diaries from when I was a teenager and was being influenced by a fundamentalist Christian mentality that sought to isolate me from everyone around me, put fear and anxiety into my heart concerning every choice I had to make, and weighed down my conscience with constant guilt over every little real or imagined transgression.
I am using the first journal I happen to have, started when I was 14 and about to enter high school. The journal covers the time I was most influenced by fundamentalist, almost cult-like ideas.
This religion told me it was wrong to wear pants as a woman. They told me it was wrong to cut my hair or wear jewelry and makeup. They told me it was wrong to listen to secular music, go to the movies, or watch tv. The internet was evil as well. They told me it was wrong to have friends that weren’t “holy” believers. They tried to make me feel like women were simply made to be complements to men, not to have dreams, goals, or lives of their own.
This religion had me constantly fearing the presence and “possession” of demons and thinking that my future didn’t matter because Jesus was coming back soon anyway, so I wouldn’t live long enough to have much of an earthly life. They even discouraged use of “man-made” medicine because it supposedly showed a lack of faith in God’s healing powers.
I have lightly edited the journal entries to make them easier to read, but have otherwise left the content as is. I have inserted italic comments in parentheses when I felt I needed to clarify something. I did leave out parts I felt were uninteresting or just don’t matter overall. I hope you enjoy reading it and can see how fundamentalist religious environments can be extremely damaging to children and teens.”
Every once in a while I have a dream where I realize in the middle of it that I am dreaming and I have the ability to take the dream over and do whatever I want to do. Last night this happened again. I became aware that I was dreaming and that nothing I saw around me was real, but instead of deciding to fly off to some other land or into outer space, I decided to stick around the environment I was already in and see what my sleeping mind had conjured up out of nothing.
It was actually rather fascinating to study the “set” of my dream. I noticed all the little details – the plants (color/shape/flowers), I noticed how a few rocks were randomly scattered over the ground and even counted them, wondering if the number had any significance. I felt the textures around me, including puffy cotton balls growing off to the side, marveling at how real it felt to my touch, even though I knew none of it was real.
I wish I remembered every single detail that I studied, but like most dreams, once I woke up, bits of it started to fade like wisps of smoke. I do remember it was an outdoor setting obviously and there was a small bridge and a stream of water. I would almost say it was a little like a Monet water garden painting.
It always interested me that I’ve heard some experts claim we don’t dream in color, but if that is true, they obviously have never visited my dreams!!! I feel texture, pain, and pleasure in my dreams. I taste. I smell. I hear. When I am there, it is just as real as where I am right this minute.