The whole covid mask thing has been a struggle for me. Probably for several reasons:
#1 – I have bad asthma, especially in hot weather and wearing a mask makes it much worse. Sometimes to the point that I have to escape a store or building immediately so I can breathe again before I have a full-out asthma attack (masks are required in buildings in our county).
#2 – I’m autistic. I have sensory issues galore and masks drive me crazy. I don’t like the feel of them and for me, I never really adjust. Of all the kinds of masks I’ve tried, the only ones I can even kind of stand are the surgeon ones, but even those bug me, and I can only bear them for a short time.
#3 – I have a little piggy nose, so I can’t keep a mask up, it is always slipping below my nose. It has gotten to the point that sometimes I quit pulling it up because it will just slip down again in 2 seconds, and it is easier to breathe with my nose uncovered anyway.
#4 – Anxiety. I think this plays into the asthma and the sensory issues thing. The more my asthma and sensory issues worsen, the more my anxiety kicks in, till the point where I’m not even sure if I’m having trouble breathing because of the mask and asthma, or because of the anxiety.
At this point, I pretty much just try to do outdoor activities or if I do have to go to a store or something, I get in and out as quickly as possible. Thank God I don’t have to work at a business. I don’t know how I would survive.
So what has your experience with masks been? Do they bother you? Did you adjust and get used to them? Are they required where you live? Do you have any of the same issues I have with them?
You guys seem to enjoy my weird dream stories, so here is a new one for you. This dream was actually super long and convoluted, so I’m not going to tell the whole thing, but know that it involved a home invasion, sitting forever in a social service office to report said invasion (maybe they defunded the police?), my husband ultimately dying (very sad part), and my mom driving me crazy (like normal).
The best part of the dream though was while we were hanging out at the office, waiting to report the home invasion, my husband and I were given the task of sorting some paper bits by color (no idea why). My husband was a little sharp with me (smartass), asking if I was going to help, so I got pissed and refused to help.
In return my husband first started just collapsing and making me carry him around…but then he went on to shapeshifting! What did he shapeshift into? A wolf? No. A bat? No. Bigfoot? No.
He shapeshifted into a burger and fries. Then I was told that this must mean he was hungry, so I needed to feed his fries to himself (the way I was told to do this was to take three fries, line them up with one in the middle and the outside two fries would eat the inside fry).
Next, he shapeshifted into Obama (no clue why). And then from there he shifted back to his regular self and ended up hospitalized and ultimately died (very sad). Maybe I didn’t feed him enough fries…
Ok, I had a weird experience this morning. I woke up to a loud, male voice urgently calling out my childhood nickname (Mandy). At first, I thought it was my husband, so I got up to see if he was ok, but quickly saw he wasn’t here and his car was gone. I texted him to make sure he was ok because I felt kind of weirded out, then went back to bed.
Right before I fell back to sleep, I had an image flash before me (with my eyes closed) of some children’s alphabet blocks spelling out the word “Dad”. I found that weird too, but went back to sleep.
When my husband got home, he had to have me unlock the door, because somehow the lock that can only be unlocked from inside was locked. I hadn’t touched the door all morning, and my husband couldn’t have possibly locked it from the outside.
When I sat down to breakfast, I decided to use the GhostRadar app (similar to the spirit box they use on ghosthunting shows) on my phone to ask if my dad (who passed away when I was 12) had been here. The first three words I got were “house”, “visit”, and “parent”. I was a bit blown away by that.
Maybe it is the bipolar, but I tend to go through cycles where I stop taking my antidepressant or bipolar medicine because I start thinking either it doesn’t really work for me, I decide I would rather try natural alternatives, or I start thinking that the new agers are right and the pharmaceutical industry is trying to poison us all or trying to block or destroy our pineal gland with the medicine so that we can’t have real, meaningful spiritual experiences (or so that we can’t exercise any innate psychic powers – whatever they may be).
During these times, I do at least taper off. I’m not stupid. I don’t do the cold turkey thing. And honestly, I DON’T notice much of a difference with some of the meds, even after being off them for a month or more. However, I do notice a difference with the antidepressant and I notice it quickly. I’m not sure sometimes though if it is really the medicine or my fear of going off of it since I have taken antidepressants for YEARS and feel almost dependent on them at this point.
Anyone else experience anything like this cycle of suspicion, doubt, and desire to be off the psych meds for good?
Lately I have really been struggling with motivation to blog. Due to a depressive slump, I’ve been having trouble with the desire to do much of anything, but blogging especially has fallen by the wayside.
It makes me feel bad because I truly do appreciate this community and love the interaction I get with all of you, but when the whole world feels dark, it is hard to even try to reach for some light.
I’m not sure if my current state is just a continuation of the depression I was already feeling, or if it is worsened by gradually switching mood stabilizers (Seroquel to Lamictal), but I am hoping the situation improves soon. I have only been on the Lamictal since Monday and am only on the first dosage level, with at least two increases planned, so maybe my brain is just struggling to adjust.
I’m hoping my passion for blogging will return eventually, but for now, I’m trying to hang in there. If I’m not as active as usual, all of this stuff is probably why.