Wordless Wednesday – Halloween Tree & Decorations

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(Still need more tiny ornaments for the tree, but so far so good)

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Poetry – Halloween Tree

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Halloween tree
orange glitter
on twisted branches
holds up the bodies
swaying
in the breeze.

(Yesterday I bought my first Halloween tree to decorate with ornaments at Target. I’ve wanted one for years and finally got one. It is a spooky black tree with orange glitter on it and prompted me to write this little poem. If I am able to find enough ornaments and such to decorate it with, I will try to share a pic later!)

Poetry – The Joker

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Why so serious
the clown asks,
eyes shut tight
trigger cocked
and pulled.

Another fiery
explosion,
corpse fireworks
light an artist’s
starry night
sky.

(This poem pretty much came to me fully written while in the bathtub, as sometimes happens lol. I had to jump out and grab a notebook and pen before I forgot it, leaving wet footprints in the carpet and water droplets on the page. My favorite line by far is “corpse fireworks”! Did you notice my subtle nod to Van Gogh as well? By the way, “The Dark Knight” is my favorite superhero movie of all time because of the great Joker performance!)

Mixed State or Hell?

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The past few days have not been the greatest. I’ve been both super anxious and fairly depressed. I guess it is probably what most people would call a mixed state in the bipolar community. I feel on edge all the time. My brain is constantly telling me something is wrong and that I need to fix it, but I don’t know what it is. The depression is telling me that I am worthless, no one really likes me anyway, and everything I do is pointless.

The depression is making me feel never good enough. It is times like these that no matter what I achieved, I would probably still feel a failure. If I suddenly won the Pulitzer Prize in poetry or had my art showcased at the Louvre, I would still find fault with it and myself in this particular mood. It is a hellish feeling.

This depression is interlaced with anxiety that pushes me to want to achieve, achieve, achieve right now, but in this state I am so all over the place that it is hard to concentrate on anything for long. Not to mention that the depression makes me feel like it is all futile anyhow, even as my whirling mind is telling me that I’m not trying hard enough.

All of this is heightening my chronic pain. I hurt so bad deep in my muscles, I feel like I have been tortured on the medieval rack.

New Paradise Galleries Reborn Doll – Meet Kat!

Yesterday I got my newest Paradise Galleries reborn doll in the mail. These dolls are higher end baby dolls with limited number produced, but they are still mass produced, so they aren’t one-of-a-kind reborns. I chose this doll because I loved her face and the slightly sad expression she has (plus she has brown hair and blue eyes like me):

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I named her Katerina (Kat for short). I bought this new Halloween outfit for her at Target recently and was waiting for her to arrive to try it on:

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I know some people might think collecting dolls like this is a weird hobby for an adult, but I don’t care. It brings me happiness and it gives me an excuse to shop for all the cute little stuff in the baby section of the store, without all the hassle of actually taking care of a real baby lol. All the cuteness, none of the work!