I worry every day about the death of America, and every day I watch her die a little bit more.
You've now been baptized circumcized sterilized traumatized hypnotized actualized monetized computerized privatized subsidized economized commercialized
The bathroom wall moves. It ripples and sways with the mournful, desolate sound of the radio. Ocean blues and greens meant to calm only inspire vertigo. What are those things I see? Leaves? Seashells? Jealous sea foam? I lay back, releasing my grip as the tub empties and my consciousness follows circling slowly, among the dirty water before it all disappears down the drain together.
Waiting for your call I pace, I sit, I lay down, I stand up, I check the time, I wipe the sweat away, I pretend to read, I sweat more, I change shirts, I remember to breathe, I evaluate my chest pain, I fidget and tic, I freeze, catatonic as the phone rings, and I am exhausted before I even begin.
Just 17 days after my last ER visit for the same reason, I had to pay another visit this past Sunday because I had yet another migraine lasting 3 days or longer. This is getting to be a habit and that is really not a good thing. Some of these migraines are lasting longer than 72 hours which puts them into a dangerous category that less than 1% of migraine sufferers have called status migrainosus. Reportedly this is one of the 4 ways that migraines can actually kill.
Needless to say, this is not reassuring. I am meeting with my doctor to reevaluate my meds and hopefully that will help, but who knows. I’m afraid to get my hopes up at this point. If I’m not as active on WP, please don’t think it is because I am ignoring you all, I am just not up for much right now.
Depression barges in again. No invitation. No explanation. No deposit. No references. No promises. And no move out date.
I collect memories, or perhaps, more accurately, they collect me. They've taken over the bed and the bedroom. They've wandered down the hall to congregate in the guest room. Still too crowded, some migrate to the couch, the stove, and the fridge. A few have even taken up swimming in the bathtub or driving my old Saturn. Like Tribbles, or Gremlins, they multiply fast - and require constant supervision.