More Alcohol Marker Drawings

I recently created these two ACEO artworks with my Brea Reese alcohol markers. I like the way they turned out. The first one I tend to think of as an abstract mother figure:

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For the second one, I created a strange, somewhat geometrical face shape. The markers left the blue lines surrounding the face, but I kind of like them since they circle around the face:

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These two artworks already sold, but feel free to check out my other art for sale on my Ebay store!

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Hounds of Hell Painting

I love the way this abstract acrylic ACEO painting turned out! It was a pure abstract, no subject in mind, but lo and behold, when I was done, I saw what I like to call “the hounds of hell” within its image. Do you see it?:

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This piece is currently for sale on my Ebay store if you would like to check it out!

Art for Bad Mood Days

Having a bad day? Just want to tell the world to F-off? Let a painting say it for you:

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Ironically enough, I actually wasn’t in a bad mood when I painted this small acrylic picture, I just thought it would be rather funny to combine the naive, childlike art style with a wee bit of apathetic swearing. As of right now, the original is still up for sale on my Ebay 🙂

Whales in My Artwork

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I’ve done several abstract whale-themed artworks over the years because I simply love whales! Especially killer whales! I like the way this gouache ACEO painting turned out. At first I wasn’t thrilled with the almost translucent quality of the blue over the red, but over time I’ve grown to actually like the effect. This piece already sold and has found a good home, but I still wanted to share it 🙂 Hope you all have a whale of a day!

Bipolar or Borderline? Part 1

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Although I was recently diagnosed with Bipolar type 2 mood disorder, honestly, I wonder myself if it might not be Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) instead, or even in addition. The reason I say this is that so many of the stories of other Borderlines hit close to home and so do the symptoms. My greatest fear is fear of abandonment, and has been since childhood. It doesn’t matter if that abandonment comes from rejection or death, it all feels like being abandoned to me.

As a child I wouldn’t even spend the night at friends’ houses normally because I would have panic attacks at night and end up calling my mom to come get me. I was always afraid something would happen to my family or they would somehow be gone in the morning if I wasn’t there with them all the time. This fear became much, much worse after my dad died when I was 12. After that, my fear centered on my mom dying or leaving me, which wasn’t helped at all when she remarried when I was 15 and started dumping me off on anyone she could while she went on trips with her new lover.

When I got married at 20 years of age, that fear transferred to my husband. At first I feared he would just get sick of me and leave or find someone else he liked better. I was extremely insecure for a long time. I would get upset over the silliest things, like thinking he loved the kids he worked with more than he loved me. It was ridiculous. The one and only time we have been apart since being married was when I went with a church group to Tennessee for a week. One night during that week he told me he would be home by 10pm, so I called him after that and couldn’t get an answer. I freaked out, and ended up leaving 19 tearful messages for him within an hour because I was so scared something had happened to him.

Fortunately, I have matured over the years and my fear of my husband leaving me or cheating on me has greatly reduced due to his loving nature, although deep down I know I must still have some of those fears because I have nightmares about those things happening. However, now my fear focuses mostly on my worries that my husband will die before I do…a fear that might be somewhat justified by my being about a decade younger than him. This fear of something happening to him is so strong it literally gives me panic attacks if I think about it too much.

My fear of abandonment and rejection greatly affects my ability to develop other relationships because I tend to push people away before they can get too close, mostly out of fear of them rejecting me once they really get to know me. I know I have poor self-esteem and a flawed self-image, which I’m sure I will address further in part 2 of this post.

* Art by Maranda Russell

Abstract Care Bear

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This acrylic abstract ACEO painting was inspired by a stuffed, plush Care Bear toy I received for Christmas. Can anybody guess which Care Bear it was that inspired the painting? Comment below and I’ll let you know if you guess right!

Just a Big, Black Hole

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The last couple days have been rough. You ever felt like you were a giant black hole of emptiness and need that sucks the joy and positivity out of everyone and everything around you? If not, you are lucky. If you can relate, I’m really sorry to hear that because it is a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad feeling. Luckily, I do have a loving, compassionate husband who was there for me to hold me and make me feel loved even when I feel the most unlovable. I also have good online friends who are always willing to lend an ear when I need to vent or get something off my chest, and that means the world to me (you probably know who you are if you are reading this).

Today is pretty nasty weather-wise, so we might be snowed in a day or two if we get as much snow and ice as predicted. Luckily, I am feeling a bit better mentally and am just enjoying watching the snow fall while my kitty cats cuddle around me and my husband watches Star Trek. I hope you all have a great weekend! Thanks for putting up with me!

* Art by Maranda Russell