I Hate Disappointing People

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You ever go to a doctor’s appointment and feel like you somehow disappointed them? That’s how I’m feeling today. I went to see my psychiatrist and while he didn’t say anything overly negative or mean, I just left with the feeling that somehow he was a little disappointed in me.

Perhaps I am projecting here, but I kind of feel like he isn’t quite as supportive as my other doctors about my going on SSDI. Not because he doesn’t think I have real problems and medical conditions, but because he seems to think I have a lot of potential and maybe he thinks if I get disability I’m just going to sit around and do nothing the rest of my life.

This may be partly my fault if he has that impression. After all, I don’t normally talk about all the stuff I do enjoy doing while there. I only see him every couple months for a short visit, so I tend to focus on what is going wrong, not what is going right. I don’t talk about all the art I make and sell or the books I write and sell. I don’t talk about my blogging. I don’t talk about all the people I correspond with on social media. I didn’t mention that I was recently made a board member on the International Board of Sensory Accessibility. I didn’t tell him about the art contest I submitted three artworks to this month. I don’t tell him about the online communities for chronic illness, chronic pain, autism, and other conditions that have given me a chance to support others and receive support myself.

I kind of wish I had mentioned some of those things now. Maybe next time.

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Over 1 Million Views on YouTube!!!

I am not the type of person to typically “toot my own horn” or brag about my achievements, but my psychiatrist and psychologist both say I need to “become my own cheerleader” in a way and learn to celebrate small victories, so I figured I would take the time to mention that my YouTube channel, Maranda’s Toys & Books, just passed the 1 MILLION views mark! To me, this is huge!

I simply can’t believe that over 1 million people have wanted to watch something I created! That is simply crazy. I know for huge YouTubers, 1 million views is probably what they get on one single video, but for me, I am just so proud that I hit such a benchmark! So, just for today, I’ll say “Go me!!!” and do a little happy dance in my mind (since my body is too tired to do it with me)!