Ironically enough, someone commented on my last post about how maybe some of the drugs I’m on are part of the problem with my digestive issues recently. They were right about part of it at least. Turns out the stomach pain and nausea (and possibly some of the constipation) were caused by all the NSAIDS they had been giving me for the migraines lately. The toradol shots, the ibuprofen and naproxen I was told were safer than the other pain relievers when it comes to rebound headaches, etc.
So, now it seems I’ve developed ulcers and gastritis. Yikes. No more NSAIDS for me, at least for right now. They also found a hiatal hernia, but didn’t know if that was actively causing any problems at this point as it didn’t look very big yet.
So, now I’m just chilling out at home, eating bland foods, watching horror movies on tv, reading on my new Kindle Fire, and letting my body heal.
I’ve had a rough few days. I think the main problem is that I’ve been out of my anxiety meds for a while because Buspirone is on national back-order for some reason, and my pharmacy doesn’t know when/if they will get it back in. I contacted my psychiatrist today to ask him to prescribe something else, hopefully he will do so soon. I was going to try to just hang on until my appointment with him at the end of the month, but I am having some real anxiety issues cropping up without my meds.
For one thing, I’ve been having some body dysmorphia issues, which happens now and then. I’ve heard that issues like these are common among high-functioning autistic people. I’m not trans or anything like that. I don’t want to be a man. But, for some reason, ever since I hit puberty, I’ve always felt kind of uncomfortable in my own body. I’m not sure why. I don’t think I’m extremely ugly or anything like that, but it is like there is some kind of disconnect in my brain when I look in the mirror. I feel like my body looks wrong somehow or like it isn’t the body I should have. It is hard to explain.
I think part of it has to do with always feeling unfeminine. Like I said, I don’t want to be a man, but I’ve always felt like I’m not very good at being a woman either lol. I feel like a tomboy, I always have, yet sometimes when I look in the mirror I look more like a woman than I feel. It is weird. I also have always wished I was thinner, more flat-chested, and athletic-looking overall, but my genes just don’t cooperate with me. It is funny to me when I hear women saying they want bigger boobs. I’m always like “why would anyone want that?”, but I know everyone has their own insecurities, and some people obviously have different ones than I do.