Today my sister would have turned 43 if she hadn’t prematurely ended her life around 8 years ago. I still miss her deeply. Part of me is glad she is out of pain, as she struggled horribly with mental illness, physical pain, and serious addiction issues, but most of me just wishes things would have been different. I don’t hold any real anger towards her final action, but there is a lot of sorrow and wondering exactly what was the final straw.
Has suicide ever touched your life personally? Have you lost a friend, family member, or other important person that way? If so, how do you deal with painful occasions like their birthdays/anniversaries/etc.?
My husband and I had a great time on my birthday trip, although I am exhausted and extremely sore now! It will probably take at least a week for me to recuperate physically, but it was worth it! Here are a few of my favorite photos from the trip:
My birthday is the 27th of October, so my husband and I are going away for the weekend to Louisville, Kentucky (about 2 hours away or so) to find some spooky Halloween fun. I love to visit places that are supposedly haunted or paranormal, so we plan to go to a haunted sanatorium which used to be a tuberculosis hospital in the early 1900s, during the “White Plague”. Needless to say, there was a lot of tragedy there, which seems to breed hauntings.
We also plan to try to find a cursed “witch’s tree” and visit one of the local cemeteries to see KFC’s Colonel Sanders’ gravesite. I need to decide on something to leave at each site as a gift. It is recommended to leave ketchup packets at the Colonel’s grave, but I don’t really get that as I don’t think of ketchup at all when I think of KFC. I’m more likely to think of BBQ sauce, gravy, and honey for my biscuits. As for the witch, what do witches like? Especially nasty ones that will curse you if you don’t please them?
We also might do a little bit of antique shopping and visit a candy shoppe there if we have time. A lot of that depends on how well I hold up though. With Ehlers Danlos, CFS, Fibromyalgia, and chronic back and feet issues, I have to be careful to not overdo it too much. I know I will come back exhausted and sore and need to recuperate for a few days, but I don’t want to have to recuperate for weeks if I can help it!
Yesterday was my 36th birthday! I had a great day! My mother and her new husband, Bruce, took me and my husband out to eat at Perkins where I had some delicious spiced pear and cranberry waffles, then we went back to my house and visited for a while. Those of you who follow my blog regularly probably know I have a rocky relationship with my mother at times, but yesterday was actually really nice.
My mom also gave me some gifts, including cash and all this stuff:
The llama dances to the tune of “Pocket Full of Sunshine” and is so adorable!!!
After my mom and Bruce left, my husband gave me his gifts for me:
The t-shirt is awesome since I adore black cats and that lyric is from one of my all-time favorite songs (by Simon & Garfunkel). The black skeleton candle and Hello Kitty card are big favorites too!
A good friend of mine also sent me a little care package which was extremely sweet:
I’m looking forward to reading that book since the movie looks pretty cool too. And you can never go wrong with ponies and cats!
Overall, I had a great day! Thank you to everyone who helped make it special!
A few of you seemed like you wanted an update about how my husband’s birthday party went yesterday (if you didn’t read my post yesterday, you can find it here). Most of the really bad nerves happened before the party and on the way there, which is pretty normal for me. I had an IBS attack about a half hour before leaving the house (nausea, diarrhea, cramps – the whole shebang). On the drive to the party, I noticed my right leg was shaking pretty bad (a sure sign of anxiety), which made driving even more uncomfortable.
However, once I arrived at the school, it didn’t go too bad. Checking in at the front office wasn’t nearly as scary as I had imagined, although the receptionist was kind of grumpy. They had me stay in the office until the party was ready, as they wanted to surprise my husband. When they were ready, I joined the kids in my husband’s class and his assistants on their way back to the classroom from music class. We all got to my husband’s classroom and sang Happy Birthday to him and had some cupcakes. There was a ton of other food there as well – a huge assortment of candy, an amazing cream cheese peanut butter cake, chocolate covered pretzels, chips and salsa, and more.
Meeting my husband’s assistants (and a few other school employees) went ok. They were nice and friendly, although I did feel pretty shy. I had to ask my husband a few times if they were kidding or not when they said certain things, because I genuinely have a hard time deciphering whether people I don’t know well are being sarcastic or for real when they talk. One of the highlights of the party was meeting one student’s therapy dog. Meeting people fills me with anxiety, but meeting animals is always pure joy! I also got a couple hugs from my husband’s students, which was sweet.
After the party I was definitely relieved to get back home, but proud that I went. I know it meant a lot to my husband, so it was worth it.
Today is my husband’s birthday. At his work (he teaches special education), they are holding a special party for him this afternoon and his coworkers reached out to invite me. I am going to go, but I must admit I am nervous. I’ve never actually met his coworkers since they are fairly new, so that is a little intimidating to me (having to meet them all at one time).
For some reason, I am super nervous about having to go to the office to check in as a guest…I know I am 35 years old and it is kind of ridiculous to be nervous about something so simple, but I am what I am. I am also worried about the drive, because it is about a 40 minute drive and that is way out of my comfort zone as far as driving goes.
I must admit when I first heard about the party, my first instinct was to say I couldn’t make it. Anxiety is a powerful force. But in the end, my love for my husband won out and I want to be there for him more than I want to be comfortable or free from anxiety. I guess love is an even more powerful force…