I had a dream that I was in the bath tub when a big, fuzzy black spider jumps into the bath with me. I decide to get rid of it by draining the water, making sure the spider goes down the drain.
I think the spider is dead and gone and get out of the bath, but then I hear a female voice singing “We Shall Overcome” from what sounds like a long distance away. I follow the sound to the drain and watch as the spider slowly climbs up and out of the drain, still singing about overcoming.
The past week or so has been rough. Twice I’ve gotten super sick while out on short trips and had to lay down in the backseat and pray I didn’t throw up till we got home. When getting out of the car I was so dizzy I almost collapsed against the car. Chronic vestibular migraines are no joke. Feeling pretty low but hanging in there. I wish the depression and isolation didn’t set in during flare ups like this…honestly that can almost be as bad as the illness itself.
As many of you know, I’ve had a bunch of health problems for a long time. Even as a kid I had chronic stomach, ear, and sinus issues. At 19, I developed my first chronic pain condition. My medical rap sheet is a mile long.
But, I’ve NEVER experienced anything as disabling as these chronic migraines I’ve had the past few years. Migraines up to 20+ days a month, and pretty much ALL DAY when I have them. The longest straight stretch was 9 days of migraines. I also get excruciating neck pain, vertigo, and nausea with the migraines. Perhaps the worst thing is that when I have them, I can’t read or write. I can’t watch tv. I can’t stand to be in the car. Even if I don’t have a migraine, a long drive will almost always guarantee I’ll develop one, so we plan very few getaways, even when we want, need, and can afford them. There is no escape. Just long days and nights laying in the dark silence, hoping to God the pain stops.
So far meds haven’t worked too well. Botox didn’t work. Tomorrow I try my first nerve block and I’m cautiously hopeful. Still, through it all, I try to remember how lucky I am that I don’t have to work, as I have no clue how I could ever hold down a job like this. I’m thankful that my husband is committed to taking care of me and loving me even when life sucks. I’m glad my kitties bring me a smile. I’m glad to have social media to vent to lol. Looking for things to be grateful for makes you feel better, even at your worst.
Hi everyone! I know it has been a while since you heard from me! I went from blogging everyday or every other day, to struggling to blog once or twice a week, to just not blogging at all for over a month. I think part of it might have been burnout, part of it was a deep depression I was going through, and part of it was feeling somewhat like I put a lot of effort into blogging and didn’t feel like I always got a lot out of it.
Have you ever felt that way? I decided I wanted to concentrate more on my “real” life instead of spending so much time online and on social media. Have you ever felt like maybe you were neglecting your real life by spending too much time online? I think it is a huge problem in today’s society. We miss out on so much by always being on our phones, computers, etc. I want to make sure I am fully present in my life and experiencing real things, not just simulated things or living vicariously through others.
By the way, today is my 39th birthday! I figured it would be a good time to check in, since I’ve been meaning to write something on here but just kept putting it off. Once you get out of the habit, it can be hard to get back in. Anyhow, I can’t believe that I’m so close to 40 now! That used to sound so old! It kind of still does to be honest lol. I feel like I should still be in my 20’s, but here I am!
To celebrate my birthday, I think I’m going to do something I always wanted to do as a kid, but never got to…I’m having a party at Chuck E. Cheese. I’m gonna eat some pizza and chocolate cake, play some skeeball and video games, and pretend to be a kid again. We all need that once in a while.
By the way, I went to an art class yesterday and I created this cute little Halloween picture, thought you guys might like it 🙂
Lately I’ve really been struggling to blog. I don’t feel enthusiastic or motivated about it. I’m not sure if I’m feeling burnout or what is going on. Have you ever gone through this as a blogger? If so, what did you do? Did you force yourself to keep to your blogging schedule anyway and just trudge through it? Did you take a little vacation? Find some outside way to motivate yourself?
I don’t think it is simply coincidence that this feeling has come at a time that I have been fighting off a deep depression, but I’m not sure if that is all of it. To be fair, it has been hard to motivate myself to do much of anything lately, but writing seems especially tedious right now, and I feel like I have nothing of value to say anyway 😦
I love a good affirmation. I came across this one on a Reddit thread of all things lol, but really liked it and thought I would share.
"I'm getting better
in every way
than the day before"
For me, the affirmation supports the concept that you should never compare yourself to others, you should only compare yourself to prior versions of yourself and try to improve your life in regards to that.
Ugh! I’m feeling annoyed right now. You ever feel like people purposefully do (or don’t do) certain things just to annoy you? I know that is probably a skewed viewpoint, influenced by my own sense of self-importance lol, but I just don’t understand why when someone says they will or won’t do something….they can’t just stick by their word.
Sorry for the rant. I couldn’t think of anything else to write about today because I’m so irritated. Maybe you could share something funny or interesting in the comments to distract me. I hope you all are having a better day so far than I am!
I’ve had a really rough few days. Because of acting out behaviors online, my husband and I had set some boundaries for online use. He broke a couple of these boundaries a few days ago. Not a huge violation, but still not honoring the safeguards we put in place is a big deal and I have to treat it as such. So for now, he has moved to the spare bedroom. I’m very sad and I miss him. I feel like I’m suffering as much for his actions as he is.
I am proud of myself though for honoring myself enough to enforce the boundaries we had agreed upon. In the past, I never would have done so. He even said that he felt there would never actually be real consequences and he even admitted that he knew he needed them. He is attending a 12 step program and will probably be switching counselors to a specialist who deals with these kinds of issues. I am glad he is taking the initiative to help himself and try to heal our relationship as well.
I only wish it didn’t make me feel so sad and lonely too.
Today is a bummer. My husband and I were supposed to go to Buffalo, NY for spring break starting today, but I’ve got an awful ear infection and don’t feel up to going, so we had to cancel. I’m taking both antibiotic ear drops and oral antibiotics, but it is still hurting a lot. Earaches are probably one of the worst aches, up there with a bad toothache.
So now I’m bored, in pain, stuck at home, and kind of cranky too. I guess at least I have you guys to talk to lol. Thanks for listening to my little rant. Anyone got any weird, fun trivia, jokes, or funny personal stories you want to share? I could use a laugh.