Lately I have really been struggling with motivation to blog. Due to a depressive slump, I’ve been having trouble with the desire to do much of anything, but blogging especially has fallen by the wayside.
It makes me feel bad because I truly do appreciate this community and love the interaction I get with all of you, but when the whole world feels dark, it is hard to even try to reach for some light.
I’m not sure if my current state is just a continuation of the depression I was already feeling, or if it is worsened by gradually switching mood stabilizers (Seroquel to Lamictal), but I am hoping the situation improves soon. I have only been on the Lamictal since Monday and am only on the first dosage level, with at least two increases planned, so maybe my brain is just struggling to adjust.
I’m hoping my passion for blogging will return eventually, but for now, I’m trying to hang in there. If I’m not as active as usual, all of this stuff is probably why.
Man, WordPress got my hopes up today and then just dashed them. I came to my blog site as I normally do and saw this on the side panel:
8,974 followers??? Yesterday I had around 1,700!!! Of course, after the elation swept through me, my common sense kicked in and I wondered how I could have possibly gotten over 7k followers in one day, especially when my other numbers (post likes, comments, etc.) look about the same. So I checked my blog stats page and I’m still at between 1,700-1,800 followers. Oh well.
Thanks for the heart attack WordPress…and the letdown.
I’ve never really been one to do the whole planner thing, but I see how much fun others seem to be having doing it on Instagram and their blogs, so I decided to give it a try. Yesterday I bought a simple but cute planner and a planner sticker kit, because I figured the cute stickers would make me more likely to “stick to it” – pun intended.
I have already set up the Jan-March months and am going to keep track of my goals I set for my art, writing, and blog this year. Here are the goals I set:
- Create at least 2 artworks larger than ACEO cards each month (I love doing ACEO art, but want to do larger artworks as well)
- Submit poetry to a contest or publication at least once a month (to help with this I ordered the 2020 Poet’s Market guide)
- Promote at least 2 Instagram posts a week
- Post on my blog every other day (pretty much keeping my current schedule)
- Make $1,000+ selling art in 2020 (this was my goal last year too and I think I may have met it or come close, but I didn’t keep track of it well)
I like being able to set goals I can actually control like most of the ones above, rather than abstract numbers of followers/subscribers that I have no control over, although I do set a new goal for Instagram and blog followers each year just for fun.
For 2020, I am aiming for 2,000 followers on my blog and 5,000 followers on IG. Of course, I would LOVE to sail past both of those goals!!!
Every once in a while I have a dream where I realize in the middle of it that I am dreaming and I have the ability to take the dream over and do whatever I want to do. Last night this happened again. I became aware that I was dreaming and that nothing I saw around me was real, but instead of deciding to fly off to some other land or into outer space, I decided to stick around the environment I was already in and see what my sleeping mind had conjured up out of nothing.
It was actually rather fascinating to study the “set” of my dream. I noticed all the little details – the plants (color/shape/flowers), I noticed how a few rocks were randomly scattered over the ground and even counted them, wondering if the number had any significance. I felt the textures around me, including puffy cotton balls growing off to the side, marveling at how real it felt to my touch, even though I knew none of it was real.
I wish I remembered every single detail that I studied, but like most dreams, once I woke up, bits of it started to fade like wisps of smoke. I do remember it was an outdoor setting obviously and there was a small bridge and a stream of water. I would almost say it was a little like a Monet water garden painting.
It always interested me that I’ve heard some experts claim we don’t dream in color, but if that is true, they obviously have never visited my dreams!!! I feel texture, pain, and pleasure in my dreams. I taste. I smell. I hear. When I am there, it is just as real as where I am right this minute.
Been super unmotivated and blah today. I wanted to write a post but didn’t want anything that would take too much brain power lol, so decided to list the things I DID manage to get done today as a way to give myself a little pat on the back for even trying!
Stuff I Got Done Today:
- Writing this post (still in process)
- Put dishes up and cleaned kitchen (it desperately needed it)
- Got my husband to change the trash
- Listed several new artworks on my Ebay for sale
- Called my mom back (had to leave a message, but that is actually preferred in the mood I’m in lol)
- Had a tuna sandwich and the last Reese’s Pieces cookie for lunch
- Gave all my kitties some love
- Read a picture book about Mary Shelley (the creator of Frankenstein)
- Showered and all that other hygienic stuff
- Watched some Disney Channel
- Watered my plants that are still alive after a week! World record for me probably!
I think the title and video pretty much say it all:
By the way, if you are struggling with any mental health issues of your own, make sure to check out BetterHelp‘s online resources!
Here is my tweet-sized entry for this week’s photo prompt Twittering Tales challenge:
The train draws near in a cloud of fog – the headlight shining through the mist just enough to illuminate the faces of those waiting to board.
I tip my hat downwards to hide my own expression. I do not want to see. I do not want to be seen. Human attachments will hinder my plans.
While reading a book called “Flash! Writing the Very Short Story”, written by John Dufresne, I came across the writing form called a abecedarian. This writing form is where you write a story or other form of creative writing where each new sentence starts with a new letter of the alphabet, going sequentially from A-Z of course. I thought it sounded fun and tried it myself, with a creative writing piece I call On Climate Change:
Another world is not an option. Before we give up on this one, let’s at least put up a fight.
Clean up your mess. Don’t think you can cut corners. Everyone has to learn to work together. Failing to do so, may lead to the annihilation of us all.
Give up the fossil fuels. How? Imagination – learn to use yours. Join together, share ideas. Keep trying. Let no temporary failures steer you off course.
Make clear the risks we face. None of us live alone, quit acting like we do. Open your eyes, open your mind, open your heart.
Practice makes perfect, but persistence wins the game. Quit fighting each other and fight the corrupt system. Right the wrongs that have persisted too long.
Stop worshiping consumerism. Turn your trash into treasure. Undo the damage our selfishness has created.
Voice your appreciation for the strong, proud nature of our mother planet. Watch how she rallies to protect her own. X-ray her heart and share the joy you find within.
YOU hold the future in your collective hands. Zealously protect and celebrate your beautiful home while she is still beautiful.
I hope you liked this little writing exercise. It was indeed fun and I think I might try it again sometime and maybe do a fiction piece.
It took me a couple days to come up with something this week for the Twittering Tales hosted by Kat Myrman, but I finally have something. As I explained before, this writing challenge is to simply write a short story, or poem, or whatever you want as long as it is under 280 characters (the length of a tweet).
Here is this week’s picture prompt and my entry for this week below (photo from Pixabay):
“Route 66? I remember that road.”
“Great, thanks for the reminiscing, but that doesn’t tell us how to get there.”
“That is a road you only find by following your heart, not a map.”
“Thanks Big Bird, but we aren’t exactly looking for Sesame Street!”
“Shame..I could get you there too.”