First off, I wanted to share that I got another monetary donation to my blog! Thank you so much! It looks like the donation came from China, which is really cool, I didn’t even know I had regular readers in China!
Also, I finally got my SSDI payment for last month…and even more exciting, I got all my backpay!!! We plan to use the backpay to do some repairs around the house and on the car, replace some electronics and appliances that are breaking down, and hopefully build a porch onto our house! I love spending time outside, but being directly in the sun for very long makes me physically ill (vampire genes?), so having a porch with a roof will really help.
I also got a new phone with a much better camera, so I am hoping to be able to make more YouTube videos and maybe do some YouTube livestreaming. We’ll see though. I already have a lot on my plate, but I do have over 3,000 followers on YouTube and would like to communicate with them more. Here’s a cute pic from when I was playing around with the new phone last night:
I was inspired by this Instagram photo by the Instagram account lucifer.mob, to create my own abstract version of the image, so I used my art markers to do this ACEO drawing:
It is definitely much different than the inspiring image, but I still think I caught the spirit of it well and I like my version! As of right now, this artist trading card is still available for sale on my Ebay store if you are interested!
By: Maranda Russell
and clenched fists
accompany defiant eyes.
I have high expectations
but I avoid them all.
Sick in the stomach,
sick in the head,
sick of this life.
I would cry,
but I never
penciled it in today.
Today is my husband’s birthday. At his work (he teaches special education), they are holding a special party for him this afternoon and his coworkers reached out to invite me. I am going to go, but I must admit I am nervous. I’ve never actually met his coworkers since they are fairly new, so that is a little intimidating to me (having to meet them all at one time).
For some reason, I am super nervous about having to go to the office to check in as a guest…I know I am 35 years old and it is kind of ridiculous to be nervous about something so simple, but I am what I am. I am also worried about the drive, because it is about a 40 minute drive and that is way out of my comfort zone as far as driving goes.
I must admit when I first heard about the party, my first instinct was to say I couldn’t make it. Anxiety is a powerful force. But in the end, my love for my husband won out and I want to be there for him more than I want to be comfortable or free from anxiety. I guess love is an even more powerful force…
Last night while I was watching the 4th season of American Horror Story (Freak Show), I had the idea to write a poem using a similar technique to the “blackout poetry” idea, but instead of using print, I would take a few random phrases or words from the tv show I was watching and put them together to make a poem. It was pretty fun and I do like what I came up with:
American Horror Story
By: Maranda Russell
Laundry detergent commercials
offer their brand of oddity
to the outside world.
Should you hear
nice don’t pay the bills!
So what do you guys think of my idea? Do you like the resulting poem? It is odd, but I like it.
When I joined Instagram a little while back, I originally started out trying to follow back everyone who followed me. My thinking was simple, if you are kind enough to support me, I want to support you. I still follow back many of my followers, but there are a couple kinds of profiles I have stopped following – those who ONLY post photos of themselves trying to look “cool” or “sexy”.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with trying to take an occasional photo of yourself in a funny “aren’t I so cool” pose, or showing off your sexy side…but when EVERY SINGLE PHOTO on your account is you in shiny sunglasses trying to look macho or “hot”, closeups of your thighs and butt, or your face pinched into pouty expressions, that just shouts fakeness to me.
I want to follow people who are real. I love following artists, other creative types, people who are passionate about their hobbies, inspiring people who are honest about their personal struggles, or people who share fun pics of their family, pets, and everyday activities. Am I the only one that has an aversion to the overly narcissistic, seemingly self-obsessed multitudes on social media?
I want to begin this post by sharing a horrible dream I had last night. I was sitting in row G of a live outdoor show (my dreams are pretty specific sometimes), when someone behind me threw up all over my head. It was disgusting! I still remember the smell and feel of the vomit as it trickled down my face and hair. Ick! By the way, how do you “smell” things in a dream? I don’t know, but I sure did!
Ok, now that I got that off my chest, on to the main topic of this post. I am frustrated with doctors. Why? Because time and time again, I have had to fight to get testing that I feel is important, because many doctors tend to think I am just being a hypochondriac or overly anxious when I tell them I suspect a particular diagnosis.
However, time and time again, I have been proven RIGHT when I finally got the testing. C Diff, MRSA, medication allergies, asthma, CFS, fibromyalgia, costochondritis, pancreatitis, Aspergers, bipolar…all of these are conditions I highly suspected long before I actually got diagnosed, and yet, I had to fight to even get them checked out because doctors thought I was just being paranoid.
The most recent testing I am fighting for is Ehlers Danlos (EDS). I meet the major and most of the minor criteria for the condition, but have been fighting to even get a referral for testing. EDS is often comorbid with high-functioning autism, so that is what first made me interested in the condition. I am positive I score at least 6 or 7 out of 9 on the Beighton Score (higher on the Brighton Score).
I guess I can sum up this post in one sentence: Why is it so damn hard to get a simple test done???
I think I caught my husband’s cold 😦 My throat feels like it is on fire, I’m running a low grade fever, and now I’ve started coughing too. So, I think I’m going to take it easy today and just lay around the house and do nothing. Maybe watch another animated movie on Netflix (this week I already watched “The Secret Life of Pets” and “Moana” for the first time, “Moana” is definitely a new favorite of mine now). I’m thinking maybe “The Emoji Movie” next.
My husband is running over to McDonald’s to get me a happy meal since they have new My Little Pony toys, and then he is going to pick me up some Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, Milk Duds, and some Halloween Oreos…so I’ll be set to sulk in my bedroom for a few days if needed. Sorry if this isn’t the most exciting post in the world lol, but this is my life…
By: Maranda Russell
are drawn in peaceful beauty –
their ephemeral wings
tucked in tight,
their eyes closed
in gentle repose,
and their chubby palms
cupped beneath rosy cheeks –
but ask yourself
as you turn away,
what happens to their charges
while they slumber on the job?