I’m Back on YouTube!

I took three months off YouTube to focus on my written blog here and just because I was feeling a bit burned out making videos. Now I’m going to focus on my toy and children’s book channel (Maranda’s Toys & Books) as far as video-making goes, so if you guys are into that kind of stuff and want to subscribe to my channel there, please do so!

Here is my “comeback” video:

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Feeling Insecure and Confused

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The dollies and my bunny say hello! The baby doll in the panda suit is a new addition to my collection, but sadly, he has some issues (floppy, loose head) and I may have to return him and get another one. The outfit that the bunny is wearing I got at a thrift store for less than a buck! Good deals! I also got some more vintage puzzles that I’m sure I will be sharing images of soon!

Ok, now with the cuteness aside, I’ve had a rough few days. A lot of mood swings, anxiety, and depression. I’ve also been feeling insecure and sometimes like I don’t even know who I really am. I wonder if that is why I try so hard to figure out what conditions I actually have and what is wrong with me…because I need an outside force (be it a doctor or diagnosis) to TELL me who I am. I know this kind of feeling is normal when you are a teenager and just figuring out who you are, but I’m 35 freakin’ years old! Shouldn’t I know by now?

I even find myself questioning my blogging efforts. I wonder if anyone really likes the stuff I am into (particularly the toys and puzzles and stuff like that), or am I just boring everyone? But if I talked about nothing on the blog but my mental and physical problems, wouldn’t that get boring in itself? See, I am doing far too much overthinking and that always leads to picking out flaws and beating myself up. It wouldn’t matter WHAT I did on here, I would feel like it isn’t worthwhile sometimes and like I am a burden to others.

I know in my heart, that these feelings of inadequacy are not something that anyone else can clear away for me. It wouldn’t matter how much praise or reassurance I received from others as long as I am still doubting myself inside. I guess at least I recognize that. I appreciate all you guys sticking with me through all the ups and downs. Having a place to open up like this makes a huge difference.

 

Stuffed Animal Love: Eeyore, Care Bears, Build a Bear

No serious topic today. I just wanted to share a couple pics of my cute stuffed animals. The first is a Build A Bear rabbit wearing a little polka dotted kitty outfit I bought at Walmart yesterday. By the way, tip for parents: newborn or 1-3 month baby clothes fit most Build A Bears great and are much cheaper than buying actual Build A Bear clothes!

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I also took a pic of the Eeyore I got last Christmas (one of my favorite stuffed animals!) and a pink Care Bear that my Mom got me. Is it just me, or is Tenderheart Bear looking rather coyly at Eeyore? I wonder what has been going on behind my back?

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My First Reborn Baby Doll!

I’m not sure if you guys will find this interesting or not, but it is part of who I am, so thought I’d share. Lately I’ve been really into toy collecting again, which is a passion of mine that kind of comes and goes. I mostly collect dolls and stuffed animals, although I do have a fairly large collection of action figures and miniature toys as well.

Yesterday I decided to take some old toys I’m done with to Once Upon a Child (a secondhand children’s shop) in hopes of making a little bit of money from selling them. I was surprised to make over $50 from it all! I was hoping to maybe make $20…so that was quite impressive! I spent a bit of the money at the store on some new Build a Bear and doll clothes, but still left with over $40.

I decided to take the money I had left over and buy something I have always wanted…my own reborn baby doll! I love the attention to detail on these dolls and hope that it looks as good in person as it does in the photos. Here is a photo of the 18″ doll I purchased:

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I was happy to find one with blue eyes and brown hair (like me!). I’m really excited to see her in person, but since I had to order her from China, it will be a few weeks probably. I hope once I get her that she will fit into actual baby clothes, I have always wanted a doll that I could dress in real baby clothes.

PS…Let me know if you guys find stuff like this interesting or if it bores you. Collecting toys is a passion of mine, so I may share it occasionally, but I don’t want to bore everyone to death.