I’m a High-Strung Mess

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I am currently a high-strung mess. As my SSDI hearing looms nearer and nearer, I find myself obsessing way too much over it and almost panicking about the fact that I feel powerless over what will happen in the end. I am trying to do absolutely everything I can think of to prepare for it and make sure we have good medical documentation especially, but that in itself is stressing me out because it means having to be assertive and ask for things from my physicians which I despise having to do. I HATE having to ask ANYONE for ANYTHING. It is just the way I am, but sometimes you have to do the things you hate…

I do not do well when I feel like I am not in control of a situation. My anxiety can’t handle the uncertainty and the endless waiting. I would almost rather deal with the worst case scenario immediately rather than be in limbo for months waiting for someone else to decide my fate. On top of that, I feel like I am annoying those around me (lawyer office employees, doctors, my poor husband) because of my intense anxiety state. I talked to a paralegal today and she told me to take a deep breath and relax lol. If only I could! I can do the deep breath, but the relaxing part just ain’t kicking in.

The heightened stress is taking a physical toll too, as it always does. My upper back/shoulder/neck area is flaring again to the point that I am regularly rolling on Lidocaine and had to take some Tramadol. The pain is so bad I can’t do any household tasks, which makes me feel bad too. Even typing this is painful and requires frequent breaks.

Now I feel like my whining is probably annoying all of you too lol. Sorry if that is the case, but I just needed to vent!

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Never Argue with Ignorance!

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I made this little drawing to remind myself to not put too much effort and energy into trying to argue with people who are willfully ignorant and are unwilling to see or hear any evidence or opinion other than their own. Far too many times (especially on Facebook), I have been drawn into pointless, never-ending arguments that boil down to people who absolutely refuse to even consider any facts or studies that do not support their preconceived notions.

Of course, I am not saying that I can never be ignorant. Just yesterday I had someone correct me on a misconception I had about Roe vs. Wade, and I was thankful that they told me something that I hadn’t known, because now I feel that I have a better overall concept of the subject. This desire to be better informed makes me confused when people make it clear that they have no wish to be informed by facts at all.

This drawing is currently for sale on my Ebay store, so if you like it, check it out!