This morning I woke up thinking about my online reputation and what I would like it to be. When others read my poetry and personal blog posts (especially the ones having to do with mental illness, autism, or chronic pain/chronic illness) the things I strive to represent are honesty, openness, relatable vulnerability, realistic hope when possible, comforting solidarity, the healing power of sharing our pain, and the courage and inspiration to keep going, even when things feel hopeless.
However, since I myself struggle from mental illness and chronic pain, being transparent and honest means that often my viewpoint comes across as dark and bleak. I don’t try to hide that or tone it down when it happens, because to me, that is part of being honest and vulnerable enough to share what the experience of dealing with those issues is like on a daily basis. Putting a happy face on it would be lying.
My only worry is that sometimes the reality of dealing with daily mental and physical pain is that you can start to sound whiny. Part of me says, “well, of course, you are going to sound whiny now and then if you are in pain all the time! No shit!”, but for some reason our culture makes whining out to be such a negative thing that most of us want to avoid that look at all costs.
Maybe we as readers and audiences have to decide rather we really want full honesty and openness (even if it includes some whining and negativity) or if we pretend to want the truth, but in reality just want a short, scrubbed clean, feel good version of life. I know which I prefer, but I guess everyone has to decide for themselves.
These migraines are killing me. Today’s the 8th day in a row, beating my last record of 7 days. It is affecting my whole life. I can barely function.
The stress of dealing with marriage counseling and the hurt over my husband’s online behavior that I see as a betrayal of our relationship is probably playing a big role in this particular flareup, which makes me feel resentful too. Almost like he is putting me through this. He is doing everything he can to make amends, and I deeply appreciate that, but the hurt is still there.
I have to debate every day whether I should even take migraine relieving medicine (no matter how much pain I am in) as I run the risk of causing rebound migraines if I take more than a few pills a week. It is SO frustrating 😦
Three days straight of migraines that won’t go away. They’ll ease up a bit when I take migraine medicine, but then they come back. Sadly, my migraine medicine (Sumatriptan) is one that you aren’t supposed to take more than 4 pills a week, so I don’t know what I’m going to do if they keep coming back. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. If I’m not very active on WP, you’ll understand why.
I know many of my readers do suffer from chronic pain and are senior citizens, so I thought maybe this information might help some of you. Of course, I am not yet a senior citizen, but I have still found that CBD has helped my own pain quite a bit. It can be intimidating at first to know which CBD company to give a try (there are simply SO many out there!), so hopefully this resource can help narrow down the choices.
If you have experience using any of these products or just CBD in general, feel free to chime in and tell us how it worked for you in the comments!
Not having a good day so far. My plantar fasciitis is acting up bad. For those unfamiliar with the condition, it is an extremely painful condition that affects the arch and inside heel of the foot. I’ve been staying off my feet, but it still throbs so painfully I ended up taking an opiate last night. I’ve been icing it and trying to do all the stuff you are supposed to do during a flare up, but this is definitely the worst it has been in a while.
Unfortunately, staying off my feet also means that I am either sitting or lying around all day, which is not good for my neck/back issues. When I do have to get up, I limp around carefully. I have also been taking NSAIDS and muscle relaxers, but don’t think they do much of anything.
Do any of you suffer from plantar fasciitis? If so, I feel for you. This condition sucks!
The past few days have not been the greatest. I’ve been both super anxious and fairly depressed. I guess it is probably what most people would call a mixed state in the bipolar community. I feel on edge all the time. My brain is constantly telling me something is wrong and that I need to fix it, but I don’t know what it is. The depression is telling me that I am worthless, no one really likes me anyway, and everything I do is pointless.
The depression is making me feel never good enough. It is times like these that no matter what I achieved, I would probably still feel a failure. If I suddenly won the Pulitzer Prize in poetry or had my art showcased at the Louvre, I would still find fault with it and myself in this particular mood. It is a hellish feeling.
This depression is interlaced with anxiety that pushes me to want to achieve, achieve, achieve right now, but in this state I am so all over the place that it is hard to concentrate on anything for long. Not to mention that the depression makes me feel like it is all futile anyhow, even as my whirling mind is telling me that I’m not trying hard enough.
All of this is heightening my chronic pain. I hurt so bad deep in my muscles, I feel like I have been tortured on the medieval rack.
Well, things are still a bit rough. My back is still not doing great although it has been a slight bit better. I have been able to cut back a little bit on the pain killers, which I am thankful for. I hate having to take opioids too often. Unfortunately, I did trip over my TENS unit cord and that didn’t do my back or my knees and legs a lot of good:
I was thankful the fall didn’t make my back way worse though as that easily could have happened.
Yesterday I even felt up to going down to a nearby thrift store and just walking around a little bit to see if I could loosen my back up any. I even found a new Eeyore to add to my collection while there (the pink and light blue one on the far right):
Well, my back is no better after 5 days, so I ended up visiting the ER last night. They gave me a steroid shot and 2 trigger point injections. It was the first time I’ve had trigger point injections and they hurt like hell! Luckily, the pain is brief, but I couldn’t help yelling out a bit in pain and squeezing my husband’s hand like a stress ball during the procedure.
Unfortunately, the shots didn’t seem to work. I’m not any better than I was before going to the ER. That makes me think that it is probably my spine causing the issue – either my degenerative disc disease or my bulging discs. At the ER doc’s suggestion, I also bought a TENS unit and have tried it out a couple times. I’m not sure it is helping either, but I figure at this point I’ll try anything.
I’m so very tired of this constant pain. This is enough to drive a person crazy.
Sorry I haven’t written in a few days. I threw my back/neck out again and it has been bad. Probably the worst it has ever been. I have been constantly downing pain killers and muscle relaxers and still no change. Usually the worst only lasts a day or two during these flareups, but now I’m on day 3 and it still hurts to move in any direction.
Naturally, this has me rather depressed too. I had appointments and fun plans this weekend that I had to cancel due to the pain. I feel like it doesn’t matter how hard I try to be social or how much I try to take good care of myself, my efforts always end up jinxed.
This is why I normally end up isolating myself, because I feel like all my health issues make me unreliable. It feels like no matter how understanding other people are, when I have to call off at the last minute several times, they start to get frustrated (and understandably so).