Why I Don’t Have Kids of My Own


My recent renewed passion for baby dolls and stuffed animals has me wondering as it often has, whether I have some kind of suppressed motherhood longing or something like that. Many people have asked me why I don’t have kids of my own, and that is a subject that has several dimensions.

First off, I’m not sure I CAN have kids of my own. When I was 10 years old I sustained some internal damage due to being hit and run over by a delivery truck while crossing the street. It was a scary experience, partly because when I woke up in the hospital I had no control of my legs. They were shaking and moving on their own, but I had no motor control of them. Luckily that didn’t last too long, but the doctors did mention that the internal damage done might cause me issues down the road, including having children.

Perhaps since I always thought I might not be able to have kids, I convinced myself early I didn’t want any? It is also highly suspected that I have endometriosis, which can greatly affect fertility. My husband and I haven’t always been very careful and there are plenty of times I could have potentially gotten pregnant but didn’t, so I figured it just wasn’t in the cards.

Another reason I have not sought out having my own children is my desire to not pass down some of the problems I have struggled with my whole life. Autism and bipolar run heavily in my immediate family – everyone has bipolar or a mood disorder to some extent. Many in my family also share some of my physical ailments that cause me so much agony, making me fear those might be genetic as well. I wouldn’t wish what I have had to live through on anyone, and certainly not on an innocent child.

Lastly, when it comes to the idea of giving birth, it has always terrified me. I’m not sure if I died in childbirth in a past life or what happened, but even as a little child the thought of having a baby terrified me. I always knew somehow that it would be extremely painful and dangerous, even though I never saw it firsthand and no one told me that as far as I remember. I still wonder to this day why the thought of giving birth scared me so much even back then.

I did lean heavily towards considering adoption when my husband and I were fostering, but we never found the right match. When we had to quit fostering due to my increasingly poor health, I kind of gave up on my dream of adopting. I still sometimes daydream about adopting, but with my mental and physical health the way it is, I just don’t think it would necessarily be a good idea.



Blue Bunny in a Kitty Cat Outfit :)


I bought this newborn baby outfit from Dollar General (on sale for 50% off) for my new reborn doll. Since I haven’t gotten the doll yet, I stuck it on this Disney “Shake It Up” bunny from Build a Bear. I thought it looked so cute I had to share 🙂

Doll Therapy for Depression, Grief, and Alzheimer’s?


So, as I said the other day, right now I am in a doll phase, specifically reborn dolls, which are dolls that are made to look and feel more like real infants. While I’ve been surfing the internet reading about these dolls and looking at pics of the ones available, I have also come across several articles about using these dolls as legitimate therapy, which is something I hadn’t even considered.

One article was about reborn dolls being used as therapy with Alzheimer’s and dementia patients. In certain nursing homes they have done studies where they used these life-like dolls to treat anxiety and depression in patients and found that the dolls greatly helped with both of those problems, even making it so that many of the patients no longer needed psychotropic medications.

Interestingly, the article said the therapy works the best if the patient is introduced to the doll while they are still coherent enough to know the doll is not real. I found that rather fascinating. For many of these patients, over time they become truly attached to the dolls and do often start to think they are real babies, but that is understandable given their medical condition.

Another article I read spoke about the therapeutic effect these dolls have had for some parents who have lost small children of their own or who had stillbirths/miscarriages. Some of these grief-stricken parents have even had dolls made to look exactly like the child they lost, which strikes me as truly sad, but if it helps them work through their grief, I think that is a good thing. I do wonder though if some of them may actually end up obsessing over the loss to an unhealthy extent, but to tell the truth, I’m not sure the loss of a child is something you could ever truly get over anyhow.

What do you think about these dolls being used as therapy? Does it seem creepy or weird to you? Or do you think it is a great idea?

My First Reborn Baby Doll!

I’m not sure if you guys will find this interesting or not, but it is part of who I am, so thought I’d share. Lately I’ve been really into toy collecting again, which is a passion of mine that kind of comes and goes. I mostly collect dolls and stuffed animals, although I do have a fairly large collection of action figures and miniature toys as well.

Yesterday I decided to take some old toys I’m done with to Once Upon a Child (a secondhand children’s shop) in hopes of making a little bit of money from selling them. I was surprised to make over $50 from it all! I was hoping to maybe make $20…so that was quite impressive! I spent a bit of the money at the store on some new Build a Bear and doll clothes, but still left with over $40.

I decided to take the money I had left over and buy something I have always wanted…my own reborn baby doll! I love the attention to detail on these dolls and hope that it looks as good in person as it does in the photos. Here is a photo of the 18″ doll I purchased:


I was happy to find one with blue eyes and brown hair (like me!). I’m really excited to see her in person, but since I had to order her from China, it will be a few weeks probably. I hope once I get her that she will fit into actual baby clothes, I have always wanted a doll that I could dress in real baby clothes.

PS…Let me know if you guys find stuff like this interesting or if it bores you. Collecting toys is a passion of mine, so I may share it occasionally, but I don’t want to bore everyone to death.

Girl Scout Inspired ACEO Art Trading Card

Not too long ago, I bought a Girl Scout rag doll from Goodwill that came with a packet of Girl Scout stickers. I decided to try to make an artwork out of the stickers and ended up making this mixed media ACEO collage. I like the way it turned out, hope you do too!