Maranda Russell

Tag: emotions

  • Feeling Shitty

    To be honest, I’m feeling pretty damn shitty today. Bad mood all over. I also can’t seem to do anything right today. I’ve knocked half the shit I tried to pick up or handle on the floor today. Feeling unloved, unlovable, and like everything is ultimately pointless and I don’t even like my own company […]

  • Complicated Mother’s Day

    Mother’s Day always creates such a barrage of mixed emotions for me. There was a lot of trauma, abuse, mental illness, and foolish decisions that marked my childhood. My mother was far from a perfect parent. Luckily, she does admit to that and seems to be really trying to be a better person now, but […]

  • When Friends Say Cruel Things It Sticks With You

    It is strange how negative words can stay with us for a lifetime and hurt long after they are spoken. Today, I was reminded of a conversation I had way back in middle school. My friends and I were having a conversation about birth order statistics and how the oldest is often the smartest and […]

  • I Miss Having Kids Around

    Today my husband and I went to go see one of his students dance in a special recital: Seeing all the cute little kids dressed up in their costumes and dancing made me really miss having kids around. I used to be almost constantly surrounded by kids between foster parenting, volunteering with the kids at […]

  • When Someone You Loved Embraces Ignorance

    I have to be careful how I word this post as there is a slight (but unlikely) chance the person I am talking about might read it. However, it has been weighing heavily on my mind so I wanted to talk about it. There was a person in my personal life I was really close […]

  • Out of Anxiety Meds & Body Dysmorphia

    I’ve had a rough few days. I think the main problem is that I’ve been out of my anxiety meds for a while because Buspirone is on national back-order for some reason, and my pharmacy doesn’t know when/if they will get it back in. I contacted my psychiatrist today to ask him to prescribe something […]

  • I Want My Hot Water Back!

    Our water heater sprung a big leak, so today I’ve been stuck at home waiting for it to get fixed. The hallway carpet was soaked through before we noticed the leak, so trying to dry that up has been a hassle as well. I really hope it doesn’t cause mold to grow where I can’t […]

  • I Don’t Owe Anyone Anything

    Yesterday I had rather a bit of a breakthrough moment. Now, to most people with healthy backgrounds and relationships, this will likely be a bit of a “duh” moment, but to people like me who were groomed to be codependent caretakers, it is an immensely important realization. My “eureka moment” can be summed up in […]

  • It Got Freaking Cold Overnight!

    I woke up this afternoon (I am a late sleeper lol), and as soon as I put my feet on the floor I noticed it was freezing! Fall hit overnight it seems! Or maybe even winter! So, I had to break out my Garfield fleece pajama bottoms, my thick black cat slipper socks, and my […]

  • Short Poetry – Poured Out

    Poured Out By: Maranda Russell Why do I feel like my poetry sucks? I try to write, only to find myself empty, poured out like milk and starting to curdle.