Wisdom Teeth Surgery Anxiety

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Not long ago I had an infected wisdom tooth, so unfortunately, the surgery I have been putting off to get my wisdom teeth out is now more of a necessity. I am scared shitless, and I’m not even sure why.

I keep telling myself it is a minor surgery. Outpatient even. I’ll go, get them out, come home, and likely crash for a few days. Then hopefully it will all be behind me. The teeth are impacted, which makes the surgery more complex, but I will be put out for the operation, so I’m not sure why I am so panic-stricken at the idea of having to do this.

To make matters worse, the first appointment I could make to get it done isn’t until the end of August, so I have an entire month to keep freaking myself out. I keep trying to distract myself or think positive thoughts, but I feel such a sense of dread that I just can’t shake, and it is making me spiral into a depression as well.

I did the typical Aspie thing, and tried to make myself feel better by finding as much information as I could about the procedure to lessen the anxiety, but it hasn’t helped much. I could quote you stats of all the risk factors (and ways to prevent them), draw you a diagram of the procedure, or explain step by step what will be done, but it isn’t helping me to let it go.

Maybe this is my OCD coming out in full force (an inability to NOT fixate on something I wish I wasn’t thinking about at all), or maybe it is just the anxiety of the unknown, since I have never had surgery of any kind before or been put out for any kind of operation…but I wish my brain would just shut the hell up about it! I’m sure my poor husband would find that a relief too since he has to deal with his basket case wife for the next month ūüė¶

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I’m getting my first picture book published!

Yesterday I received the news, a publisher officially wants to publish my picture book manuscript.¬† It’s only a small press, and my book will only start out with a small run, but depending on how hard I am willing to work to promote it, the sky is the limit.¬† I am so excited and can’t wait to hold my own book in my hands.¬† I think the first thing I will do when I get it is to sniff it and savor that new book smell.

Along with all the excitement and the pride, comes a lot of nerves though.¬† I keep hearing the same refrain go through my head: what if no one wants to buy my book?¬† What if I set up a book reading or signing and absolutely no one comes?¬† Or even worse, what if a bunch of people come and I get all tongue tied or want to puke while talking to them?¬† What if none of the local bookstores will even let me come speak?¬† And one of my biggest fears of all…what if I don’t even like my book?¬† After all, I’m not illustrating it, so what happens if the book looks nothing like I imagined?¬†

If only I could shut all of these thoughts down long enough to actually enjoy the process.  Is this normal?  Do all writers go through these panic attacks before they sell their first book?  Someone please reassure me that I am not freaking losing my mind!