This week has been stressful. I’m not sure if I’m just overreacting to things because I’m autistic and hypersensitive to everything (especially changes in routine), or if this would even throw many normal people off their game, but since Monday:
- I had to wait hours at the BMV to renew my driver’s license and then sweat it out when they weren’t sure if my two forms of address verification were acceptable. (Thank God they ended up accepting them in the end so I didn’t have to do the whole process over again.)
- Our electricity went out Monday night (along with 3,000 other homes and businesses in the area, eventually they did get it restored.)
- My husband’s birthday was on Monday and I ended up going to 4 different stores looking for a birthday balloon for him because everyone was out 😦
- My psychiatrist appointment got moved up today from 3pm to 2pm which meant I had to alert my husband who drives me. He then had to check to see if the school could get a substitute teacher in earlier to relieve him so he could take me.
- I almost got kicked off Instagram again (I got warnings again but luckily they haven’t kicked me off yet. I think I may have discovered the issue. I have used an app to track unfollowers and I think that might be what they were picking up on as a “3rd party”. So, I’m just not going to use that app right now.)
I’ve been kicked off Instagram now for about 3 days. Tomorrow is listed as the last day of my “punishment”, so I assume I will get to use my account again either tomorrow or the next day. So what did I do to get kicked off? I have no freaking clue.
The message they sent said something about giving a 3rd party access to my account to increase likes and follows, but I know damn well I didn’t give ANYONE access to the account but me. I couldn’t even afford to hire one of those companies that buys you followers if I wanted to lol.
It really is ironic, because I always thought that if I did get kicked off social media, it would probably be Facebook or Twitter, and it would be for criticizing the government. I have seen people get punished on social media for supposedly spreading “fake news” when what they were really doing was sharing proof of corruption in the government or expressing anti-war views. I could easily see that happening to me, but this?
I will say that this short suspension has made me realize how much social media has become a part of my daily routine. It has really thrown me off and caused anxiety because I can’t respond to comments, messages, or otherwise interact on IG.
If you want to follow a social media felon, look me up @marandarussell.art on Instagram!
Man, I’m pretty bummed today. I was supposed to go ghost hunting at a local cemetery with a paranormal investigation group, but yesterday my earache turned into a raging ear infection and between the ear pain and the nausea from the antibiotics, I had to choose to stay home and rest. I guess there will likely be other opportunities, but still wish I could have gone.
Among other news, my first SSDI payment got messed up and didn’t come. Took me two days and multiple phone calls to multiple agencies to get it solved and will hopefully get my payment within the next couple weeks. I had a huge meltdown over the whole situation Thursday, which probably didn’t help my immune system and may have contributed to my current infection. I can’t help but notice that my already weak immune system takes a nosedive when I’m stressed or upset.
Even thinking about it now makes me mad lol. The worst part was that the automated phone answering systems would NOT let me talk to a live person for the longest time! Ugh. It was like a labyrinth to find my way through to talk to a living, breathing human. I realize this post is pretty negative and maybe a bit whiny lol, but that’s where I’m at today. Hope you are all feeling better than I am at the moment!
My migraine, neck, and back issues have been flaring up on and off ever since my bad MRI experience almost two weeks ago. I feel like I’m not getting anything done and am struggling to get the bare minimum of my daily routine done. All this has me feeling depressed and has killed my enthusiasm for the new book I started writing.
The logical side of me knows the pain will eventually subside, but while I am stuck in this misery it feels infinite and everlasting. Chronic pain wears you down, destroys creativity, and can stomp all over your goals – at least anything short term. I hope I’ll be back to normal someday soon.
Yesterday I saw my new neurologist for the first time to try to figure out why I am suddenly having so many migraines. I must say the visit didn’t start out well. For one thing, they only see new patients first thing in the morning, and I am NOT a morning person. However, I did make it there on time at 9am in the morning, but then I ended up waiting to see the doctor until after 11am!!! Needless to say, I was not a happy camper.
The doctor seemed rather grumpy when he finally came in too. Maybe he was having a bad morning (I would think so with being that behind schedule for a specialist), but after waiting two hours, dealing with a grumpy doctor was not ideal. I will say that even though he was a bit grumpy, he was thorough at least. He asked tons of questions and investigated all the leads I could provide, even bothering to request additional medical records and taking a second look at my imaging tests that have already been done.
By the end of the visit, he had decided to send me for an EEG to check for possible mini strokes or seizures, and another head/neck MRI to see if my cervical issues have worsened in the past two years or if anything else has changed. He also wants me to be tested for Meniere’s disease, an inner ear disorder that may be contributing to my vertigo, ear pain/pressure, and tinnitus.
He noted that my neck was constantly spasming, so he switched me to another muscle relaxer and also put me on Topamax to try to help prevent the migraines (we are hoping it might help my fibro pain some too). I guess we’ll see how it goes from there.
That headline isn’t exaggerating. I had a horrible dental cleaning experience yesterday. Now to be fair, my teeth are extremely sensitive, just like everything else on my body (thanks autism), so cleanings are never fun for me anyhow. There are always at least a few painful nerves hit during the process.
However, yesterday the lady who regularly cleans my teeth was on maternity leave so I had a new lady who was incredibly slow, annoying, and seemed to manage to hit about every nerve on every tooth, at least on the front ones. I can’t recall the number of times I flinched from the pain. At least a couple times I teared up. I was starting to wish I was having a filling instead, because at least then I would be numbed up some.
I feel bad calling the lady annoying, but to be frankly honest, she was. She was one of those people who just talks and talks and talks, which drives me crazy. It was especially hard not to be annoyed when I was already having a bad experience. A few minutes into the cleaning I was tempted to get up and say “I’m sorry, but I just can’t do this today”, and reschedule for when my normal person gets back. I managed to tough it out though. Glad it is over and my regular cleaner should be back before my next cleaning!
She could never let me sleep.
That would put us
on equal footing
and allow me
to be fully awake
she would sneak into my room,
shake me awake
and cry loud, calculated tears
while I practiced
hiding my true feelings
and tried my hardest
to become a limp, gray rock
held barely out of reach.
I’m still struggling with bad neck pain. Yesterday it felt a little bit better, so I figured I would try to get out of the house for the first time in a while (other than ER visits). Unfortunately, once I got in the car, the vibrations from the car itself and the movement from driving kicked the pain back into high gear. I did at least make it to Wendy’s so my husband and I could get some dinner, but then it was straight back home because I was in too much pain to do anything else.
Honestly, after two weeks of these headaches and severe neck pain, I’m starting to worry this might be a long-term problem, just like my right shoulder blade and the arches of my feet. I’ve been incredibly depressed the last few days, partly because of the pain itself, partly because I can’t do much of anything, and lastly because I worry if my body continues to deteriorate at the rate it seems to be going, I may eventually become completely home-bound. I believe that all these chronic pain issues are mostly related to my Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, which sucks even more because there is no cure for connective tissue disorders 😦