We are uncomfortable
in this world
not made for us.
Divine providence?
Grand design?
Or just another
cosmic punch line?
We are uncomfortable
in this world
not made for us.
Divine providence?
Grand design?
Or just another
cosmic punch line?
Think this through:
Why would any kind, loving, graceful deity demand the torture and death of something innocent in order to be able to bestow simple forgiveness for wrongs committed against them? Why would they create such a system?
How would you feel about a human being who demanded the torture and death of an innocent 3rd party in order to be able to forgive a person who wronged them in some way?
Why would a deity demand humans forgive freely but refuse to do so themselves?
Let me know your conclusions if you wish!
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Do you know how I
picture God myself?
As one single fish,
enormous,
creative,
scattering millions
of lucky little accidents
like caviar –
deep in his dark sea
caverns,
each tiny black marble
waiting their turn
to wash up
on life’s sandy
shore.
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I meant to share this poem around Easter, but forgot. Guess I had too much going on. This poem just sort of wrote itself, with the images of both the commercial and sacred aspects of the holiday mixing together in my mind. It is not meant to be offensive to religion, but instead, to compare and contrast the cheerful, innocent brightness of welcoming spring with the actual gruesome reality of a crucifixion and resurrection:
Scrambled Savior
Easter
pastel eggs
poor Jewish carpenter
whipped, beaten, and scrambled
last supper
omelet
Like many others with Aspergers and OCD traits, I enjoy making lists and organizing my thoughts in a linear fashion on paper. While flipping through an old notebook, I found the following lists of “What I Believe”, “What I Do Not Believe”, and “What I Am Unsure Of”, and thought I would share it just for fun. Since I am not religious anymore, I made this list to try to figure out and pinpoint what I personally believe or no longer believe.
What I Believe
What I Do Not Believe
What I Am Unsure Of
Many people jump to the conclusion that I am an atheist because I am not religious anymore and can be very critical of organized religion. However, I am not an atheist. I do often listen to atheist podcasts and read atheist books, but I also sometimes listen to and read material from spiritual or religious sources (even the crazy ones, although I listen to them more for amusement). I find myself overall agreeing more with secular thought, but I do feel that differing points of view are essential for having a realistic, down-to-earth view of life.
If I had to choose a label for myself spiritually, it would be agnostic. I’m not really sure what the hell is going on. I’m not a deist, because I’m not positive that there is a greater being or consciousness, although I hope there is to an extent. I don’t believe in the specific gods of any earthly religions, but I wouldn’t mind if there were some wiser (and hopefully caring) beings, or at least some sort of a meaning to all that is.
Because of the state of the world and the suffering, abuse, and slaughter of the innocent, I find it hard to believe in an “all good” being in power, unless that being gave us a choice about being here and what we would face. If earth were some kind of “school” where we choose the lessons we want to learn or the experiences we want to have, then I could see how the powers that be could still be moral and have values. Otherwise, their absence and inaction in the face of so much injustice and pain speaks volumes.
I do not believe in “original sin”. I do not believe in a God who must spill innocent blood in order to be able to forgive someone else for doing something wrong (seriously, how is that even ok???) I do not believe in a being that has such a huge ego all they want is to be worshiped for all eternity (too Donald Trumpish for my taste). I do not believe that there is necessarily an afterlife or heaven/hell, but if there is I would not be shocked or upset unless there was some kind of tyrant running things. If there is some sort of being in charge of it all, I simply hope that they are just and kind, but not cruel or punitive.
During meditation time tonight, I got to thinking about forgiveness and love and ended up writing down a letter to God, in which I expressed all the things that are on my heart. The letter ended up taking the form of an apology…both for the things that I think I personally have done (willfully or unknowingly) and that the human race as a whole does. Of course, I know I have left much out, there is no way I could compile even a list of all the mistakes I’ve made, let alone the whole world, but I think this is a beginning…
Dear God,
I’m sorry that sometimes we are all just plain idiots.
I’m sorry that we often misrepresent you, without even meaning to.
I’m sorry that we fail to understand and apply even the simplest of your teachings, but have no trouble arguing about every little thing.
I’m sorry that we often ignore you, or even insult you.
I’m sorry that we try to make you fit into our own image or idea instead of really getting to know you.
I’m sorry that we are quick to anger, but slow to love.
But most of all –
I’m sorry that we have often trashed your beloved creation and not even cared.
Tonight I’ve been thinking about what a paranoid kid I used to be. I started thinking about the subject when 3 of my cats started acting totally crazy tonight. For some reason they are agitated, anxious messes and seem to think there is something scary in one area of the house, even though I see nothing there. It was starting to creep me out a bit since I am the only adult awake in the house right now. So those thoughts brought back childhood fears and paranoid delusions. Now I am wondering is every kid the freaked out mess I was? Here are a few examples:
So what do you think? Was I extra-neurotic as a kid or are these pretty common fears among children? What were your weird fears as a kid?