The Cold Commercialism of Society

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I am often disheartened by the cold commercialism of society. As I watch the rise of the giant corporations and mega conglomerates, I feel like life in general is becoming less conducive to humanity and relationships and more about flashy advertisements and raking in the money. Those few people running the world don’t just seem to be garden-variety-greedy anymore, they seem to be Scrooge-McDuck-diving-into-a-swimming-pool-of-gold-greedy.

Recently I was walking around a Walmart, my head almost swimming from all the useless stuff trying to attract my attention, when I suddenly had the impulse to go around the store and ask every employee I could find whether they believe Walmart really gives a shit about them as a person, or if they think they are viewed as a replaceable number only. I resisted the urge, but as someone who spent a short amount of time working as a greeter at Walmart, I can almost guarantee that if the employees answered my question honestly, probably none of them would say the corporation gives a damn about them. And that microcosm of Walmart, represents an entire world of similar sentiments.

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Social Security Disability Rant

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Ok, so I had another subject planned for today’s post, but I need to rant a bit, so I’ll save that topic for later. I hope you won’t mind listening to my frustration today.

So, I’m part of a group on Facebook for people with certain mental issues, and I have noticed many of the people in the group getting social security disability solely for those mental issues, which I happen to share. I am not upset that they got disability for their problems, but I can’t help but compare it to my own situation and feel angry at how I have been treated by the system.

I’ve been fighting for several years to try and get disability benefits, my worst conditions that affect my ability to work are: Bipolar Depression, Asperger’s, PTSD, social anxiety disorder, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, IBS, degenerative disc disease and bulging discs, chronic bronchitis/ear infections, and severe plantar fasciitis. ALL THAT and yet I am still fighting! It pisses me off because I know people who got it much quicker for SO MUCH LESS or just ONE of my conditions. And none of these conditions are light, even the last rejection letter from social security said the conditions are indeed severe…and yet I got turned down AGAIN? I have a plethora of medical evidence and have tried to follow medical advice to the letter. What more can I do???

I DO have an attorney (my 2nd actually), and I am now waiting for a court date, the 2nd time I will have to go to a hearing for this. The last judge I got had a record for barely approving anyone, which seems unfair in itself. How can it be a fair system when some judges approve a majority of people and other judges approve hardly anyone? Were it not for my husband, I would likely be homeless by now.

To make matters worse, one person in the Facebook group insinuated that plantar fasciitis and chronic ear infections/bronchitis aren’t severe enough to affect your ability to work long term. Well, I’ve had the plantar fasciitis for 15 YEARS. I’ve seen specialists, done meds, physical therapy, long-term steroid therapy, custom orthotics, cortisone shots, nothing helped. Doesn’t seem like it will magically get better at this point. It is so severe I have a noticeable limp and have almost passed out from the pain at times when I was forced to be on my feet for long periods of time.

As for the recurring infections, I’ve had chronic ear infections and bronchitis for many years, often getting up to six within a six month period. I’m now on my 3rd course of antibiotics this year (2018) for the chronic ear infections and bronchitis. Again, I’ve seen specialists, tried a host of medications and other treatments (both medical and alternative) and nothing has worked so far. The amount of antibiotics I have had to take has led to issues with antibiotics not working as well anymore, worsening IBS symptoms, and even episodes of MRSA, C Diff, and colitis which I had to be hospitalized for. These are not minor, fleeting problems.

To make matters worse, I have TRIED to work while fighting for disability. The last job I had (working only two days a week) I was let go from for missing work too much due to medical issues, most of which I was in the hospital or ER for, so they know I wasn’t just “faking”. I also tried being a greeter at Walmart, since it is about one of the only places that actually hires really disabled people and I couldn’t even do that due to my social anxiety, depression, and other health issues. I am not even fighting for welfare here, only the benefits I worked for over the years!

Reasons Why I Would Commit Suicide

 

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Kind of a downer subject today, but it is something I feel like I need to say. Please note I am not in any immediate danger, nor am I planning to hurt myself in any way. This is simply a post about WHY I would likely commit suicide if I ever did. I am sharing this in the hope that others will come to care about these issues and learn to empathize with people like me.

If I were to ever commit suicide, there are two likely scenarios why, and both have a lot to do with our often selfish American culture/government and the view that many people have that everyone should just “fend for themselves”, regardless of their actual ability to do so. I honestly cannot see myself committing suicide simply because of depression, loneliness, bipolar, Asperger’s, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, or any of the myriad other struggles I face on a daily basis. I have survived those things for years and will likely continue to do so. However, if I did ever kill myself, here are the two likely culprits:

  • Lack of medical care. This is a real possibility. In our country, basic healthcare is not guaranteed to everyone like it is in most of the developed world. Were I unable to afford treatment for my conditions (especially the depression, anxiety, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, and other chronic pain/illness conditions I have) I can see myself being simply unable to bear the pain for extended periods of time with no relief in sight. If you have never had a pain condition that unbearable you are extremely lucky, if you have had conditions like that, you likely understand how lack of treatment, and especially adequate pain relief, could drive you over the edge.
  • An inability to provide for myself or take care of myself without any help. Due to the many conditions mentioned above (and the associated conditions I didn’t mention), it would be extremely hard for me to provide entirely for myself. If my husband were to die and I was unable to get help for basic survival, my greatest fear of becoming homeless and penniless might indeed come true. There is a great lack of resources for many of the conditions I have, especially for Asperger’s. High-functioning is a title I semi hate because it gives people the illusion we don’t really struggle as much as lower functioning autistics or that we should be able to “fit in” with the “real world” and be entirely self-sufficient. Many of us simply can’t. We try. We fail. We fail again. And again and again… We panic. We often have ptsd and enormous amounts of social anxiety. We feel like little kids trying to “play” at being an adult. We struggle with selective mutism. We have meltdowns. We are intellectually intelligent, but often severely lacking in common sense and street smarts. We suffer sensory issues that neurotypicals can’t even imagine dealing with. Combine all that with the bipolar, and is it any wonder that half the time I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing in this world?

*Art by Maranda Russell

I Love a Good Conspiracy

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Admission time…I LOVE a good conspiracy. JFK. Roswell. 9/11. The Illuminati. Skull and Bones. I love it all. Sometimes I think conspiracy theorists can go too far (Sandy Hook being a hoax comes to mind), but overall, I’m willing to view evidence either way and see why people come up with the conspiracy theories they cling to. Sometimes the evidence makes me highly suspect foul play, even if I can’t prove it. And that’s the thing, I will tell others I suspect a potential false flag, but I won’t make a proclamation that I know the truth for sure. Of course I could be wrong. There are some things I do not believe were false flags that I could be wrong about too of course.

So with the Las Vegas shooting, I have been taking in media from a mainstream perspective as well as watching some videos and supposed “evidence” that the shooting may have actually been a state sponsored false flag (false flag does NOT mean it didn’t happen, just that the government planned it). I have not been convinced either way. The footage of gunfire possibly coming from the 4th floor is rather fascinating, but not conclusive proof. Of course motive is a question whether you believe the media narrative or the false flag narrative. False flags normally are done to demonize a group of people, give an excuse to start a war, or distract from something else the government doesn’t want you to notice is going on. With Trump in office, God only knows what they might try to distract us from!

Regardless of whether things like this are crazy people gone rogue or some kind of sinister plot cooked up in Washington, I do support banning high capacity assault weapons. In my opinion, normal people just don’t need access to those weapons. Of course, that doesn’t mean I trust the government either, but heavily armed governments vs heavily armed rebels just ends up with dead people everywhere. I like to believe there is another way to make change, which definitely needs to be made. I’ve studied how the US government supports terrorism around the world and it convinces me they are undoubtedly capable of inflicting such things on their own people should it suit them.

So yes, I do enjoy a good conspiracy and might post about them, but that doesn’t mean I am putting aside all skepticism. I’m just skeptical about both sides.

A Few Words About Applying for Government Disability Benefits

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(The below was written out of simple outrage from what I have seen happen to fellow human beings who are genuinely too sick and weak to work, but are expected to wait years for any help from the government programs they have paid into all their lives. I am fortunate to have other resources to survive on while unable to work, but not everyone is so lucky. Many homeless you see on the streets are actually disabled veterans and citizens who deserve so much better…)

Applying for government benefits, even those you have worked for and earned yourself, can be a ridiculously long, complicated, and humiliating process BECAUSE they design it to be so. They want to break you down, make you give up, make you give in. They expect the sickest and weakest among us to jump through hurdles on command, knowing it is almost an impossibility unless there are others propping us up.

Honestly, I think they hope that you will die on your own before they have to do a damn thing. I can picture Uncle Sam with fingers crossed, hoping you buckle under the stress and poverty, or even end up taking your own life from the hopelessness and despair of feeling useless, discounted, and vilified by a media that touts how “easy” it is to fool the system and labels those who are disabled as leeches or lazy.

Apparently discrimination laws don’t apply to the government either, since they clearly indulge in age discrimination, something every lawyer will blatantly tell you up front. Even publicly, you can find legal representatives in the field explaining why you are simply fucked if you dare get too sick before age 35, 40, or even 50. So if you are a young adult or middle aged person struggling with a chronic illness or severe pain condition, you had better tell it to get lost and come back in 10 or 20 years. Yeah, that works. After all, young people aren’t allowed to be sick or disabled.

You know, it is really funny, that many of the same people who are so public about being pro-life are also always trying to cut social safety net programs like disability or make them harder to access. If they could, I think sometimes that the government would perform adult abortions on those too weak or sick to continue to prop up their sick, twisted system. Getting rid of us all would be so much easier, wouldn’t it?

Ebook Release, “From Both Sides, A Look into the World of Foster Care from Those Who Know It Best”

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I am very proud to announce the release of a book that has been in the works for quite awhile now. This project wasn’t just another story I wanted to share, this was a very personal, intense book for me to write in many ways. As a foster parent who has undergone much heartache and frustration navigating the foster care system, I wanted to share a bit of that experience with others. However, I also wanted to give a voice to all the many kids who seem to fly under the radar and get “lost in the system”.

To achieve both ends, I divided the book into two sections. The first half of the book is written from the point of view of kids in the system. I did use a few of my own experiences with my own foster kids in this section, but also interviewed many current and former foster youth which really helped to open my eyes to the way foster kids really feel. Of course, since some of the questions I asked were rather deep, I interviewed kids that were at least nine years old, which I’m sure influenced some of the content. My husband and I have always fostered preteens or teens as well, so you may want to keep that in mind when reading this book. My heart really does ache for the older kids in the system because they are the ones that usually fall through the cracks and sit in the system for years or until adulthood. Even if they do get put up for adoption, it can be very hard to find adoptive families for older kids.

The second section of the book is told from the point of view of foster parents. In this section I did use more of my own experiences, but also included stories and feelings from other foster parents I talked to. I openly tackled subjects such as mental diagnoses, attachment problems, prejudice, abusive foster parents, loss and the reason behind why I personally chose to be a foster parent. In many ways I laid my own soul bare for this project, but I felt that the subject matter deserved no less. The book itself is written in an autobiographical prose/free verse poetry form that is very easy to read and understand, but gets quickly to the heart of the matter and the deep emotions that the foster care system often evokes.

My hope for this book is that it will inspire, encourage and comfort foster kids and foster parents in some way. I hope that they will read this book and feel like saying “Yes! Someone finally gets it!”. I also hope that those not directly involved in the foster care system will read the book so that their eyes can be opened to the real challenges and injustices present. Only by bringing attention to the problems of the foster care system can we hope to make some positive changes. As I said in the dedication of the book, “Here’s to hoping that someday EVERY foster child can find a happy ending, no matter their age or circumstances.”

To read this ebook for yourself or find out more about it, please visit the book’s Amazon page. Right now “From Both Sides” can be purchased for the Kindle for only $2.99.

Is the adoption process unnecessarily hard?

If you deal with the social service system for very long, you will no doubt start to hear complaints (and maybe even form your own) about how intrusive the system can be.  As a foster or potential adoptive parent, you will soon see and experience this firsthand.  Of course, before you can even be considered as a foster or adoptive parent you have to attend lots of classes, undergo extensive background checks, go through a lengthy home study and answer a lot of personal questions that may seem to have nothing to do with foster care or adoption. 

At first, most people don’t complain too much about this, after all, we want to make sure that children are being placed with families who are safe, sane and loving (especially considering all of the horror stories that you will see on the news about bad foster or adoptive parents).  The problem comes in when social services starts treating foster or potential adoptive parents like they are criminals or are always under suspicion. 

Continue reading on Examiner.com: Does social services make it harder than necessary to adopt? – Dayton Adoptive Families | Examiner.com http://www.examiner.com/adoptive-families-in-dayton/does-social-services-make-it-harder-than-necessary-to-adopt?CID=examiner_alerts_article#ixzz1GcubaF8d