Funny Weird Dream

I had a dream that I was in the bath tub when a big, fuzzy black spider jumps into the bath with me. I decide to get rid of it by draining the water, making sure the spider goes down the drain.

I think the spider is dead and gone and get out of the bath, but then I hear a female voice singing “We Shall Overcome” from what sounds like a long distance away. I follow the sound to the drain and watch as the spider slowly climbs up and out of the drain, still singing about overcoming.

Death & sparkles

Want to check out a cool, funny, cute kids graphic novel? Check out Death & Sparkles by Rob Justus! Death himself teams up with the last Unicorn on earth (who is also a huge social media star) and things get as crazy as you would imagine! Multiple trips to the unicorn afterlife, reptilian aliens who want to save the world from climate change, turtle hoarding, video games, rainbow unicorn vomit, eating bugs, and LOTS of cupcakes make this a ridiculous but fun read.

Short monologue – Time traveler

Why am I leaving?

No, I’m not traveling back in time to stop Hitler.

Nope, not Mao either.

Yeah, that whole holocaust thing was a disaster, but that’s not my assignment.

Nope, I’m not allowed to save JFK or MLK, even if I’d love to meet those two.

Yes, stopping slavery earlier would be noble, as would working to prevent the coming climate disaster.

Unfortunately, I’m being paid to go mess with history for one reason and one reason only…to stop the discontinuation of Cap’n Crunch Choco Donuts. Bezos loves his cereal.

Prose Poetry – Houseplants

I murder houseplants. Not intentionally, mind you, but the result is still the same…dead flowers, dead leaves, dead roots. I’m pretty sure I’ve even killed the dirt (if that’s possible).

Regardless, for some unintelligible reason, people keep gifting the little pots of green hope to me. I swear, sometimes I’m convinced I can hear their little floral voices begging for mercy and a swift end as their tiny veins dry out and the edges of their delicate fronds curl up, eventually crinkling, splintering, and fluttering down to settle on the ceramic base below.

Over time, I’ve learned to look away from this process, as it tends to bring me down. I only wish I could grant my victims a similar solace.

Stupid Decisions and Sandwiches

Note to self – if the coloring of the meat on your sandwich looks off to you, don’t eat it, even if it smells/tastes ok!

Man, I’ve had a miserable last 20 hours or so. I’m not entirely sure, but think I might have gotten food poisoning, or if nothing else, some slightly spoiled meat really upset my stomach. Guess that will teach me to get takeout from a sandwich shop and then run a bunch of errands in hot weather before getting home to refrigerate the leftovers.

I think today is going to be a lazy day of recuperating. The saddest part? The sandwich didn’t even taste that good 😦