Afraid of Living

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I am not afraid to die –
but I am not yet
unafraid of living.

I’m not sure I have ever written truer words than the 3-line poem above. This little gem came to me while taking a bath last night, so I repeated it to myself like a mantra until I got out of the tub and could write it down.

It is true that I am not afraid of death. I am a bit afraid of the actual feeling of dying, mostly because of the instinctual anxiety I fear it would bring. However, I am not afraid of being dead. In fact, I rather look forward to it. If there is something after death, it will be awesome to explore and find out what else is out there. If there is nothing after death, it will just be like the times I have passed out or been put out for surgery…simply a loss of consciousness which often sounds like a relief in itself. No more worrying. No more pain. No more anxiety or depression.

However, living is scary. Knowing I may have years and years of dealing with anxiety and depression ahead of me. Knowing that I will likely suffer from chronic pain and chronic illness until I die. Knowing that my degenerative conditions will likely worsen with time. Fearing that my husband may get sick or die and I will be alone. Fearing financial ruin. Fearing homelessness. Fearing potentially abusive situations. Fearing the entire planet going to shit (a justifiable fear from my point of view). Fearing that I may end up committing suicide if life becomes unbearable (not the ending I would desire for my life).

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3 New Elfchen Poems – Rock On, Ephemeral, Projection

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Tomorrow I have a dentist appointment and haven’t been feeling too good anyhow, so thought I would post tonight. Here are a few more elfchen poems for your reading pleasure (with a few slight poetry form rule breaks lol):

1.
Woosh!
Down the
electric slide feet
first and head banging.
Rock on!

2.
Captivating,
moonlight glinting
off a rocky
ocean shoreline, lonesome
yet ephemeral

3.
Projection
please stop
blaming others for
your own bad ideas –
evolve

More Elfchen Poems – Suicide, Trump, Potemkin

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Here are a few more Elfchen poems (5 line poems that have the following number of words per line: Line 1 = 1 word, 2 = 2 words, 3 = 3 words, 4 = 4 words, 5 = 1 word, the words on line 1 and line 5 should not be the same word).

1.
Suicide
time to
open those cuts
and suction the blood
flowing

2.
Pity,
you believe
the orange gremlin
in the white house?
Sucker.

3.
Potemkin
funny name
on the cover
of a paperback novel
misread

(My apologies to any Trump supporters for #2 lol, as you can tell, I am not a supporter)

(For #3 I just had to write something because I love the name Potemkin)

Micropoetry: 3 Elfchen Poems

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Recently I discovered Elfchen poems, which are 5-line poems that follow this pattern:
Line 1 – 1 word
Line 2 – 2 words
Line 3 – 3 words
Line 4 – 4 words
Line 5 – 1 word (different than the first line word)

It is also common to take the last word of someone else’s Elfchen poem to start off your own new one.

Here are several of my first tries with this poetic genre:

1.
Always
means never
when you live
in an unstable world,
alone.

2.
Stronger
and yet
weakness creeps in
settles on the edge,
waiting.

3.
Unsaid
the words
lie firmly under
your tongue in cheek,
bitter.