Maranda Russell

Tag: mood disorders

  • First Appointment with New Psychiatrist

    I had my first appointment with my new psychiatrist yesterday (my old doctor unexpectedly retired last month). Yesterday’s appointment had to be via video because of Covid. I was super anxious about it beforehand, not knowing what he was like or if we would be a good match. For a first visit, I would MUCH […]

  • My Sister Would Have Been 43 Today

    Today my sister would have turned 43 if she hadn’t prematurely ended her life around 8 years ago. I still miss her deeply. Part of me is glad she is out of pain, as she struggled horribly with mental illness, physical pain, and serious addiction issues, but most of me just wishes things would have […]

  • Feeling Low After Lawyer Visit

    Today has been a rough day 😦 I had to get up early to go to an appointment with my lawyer to talk about my upcoming SSDI hearing in February. I woke up feeling exhausted, achy, and sick to begin with, my stomach and digestive system freaking out from the anxiety of the change in […]

  • Depression and Gun Ownership

    For at least a year or two now, I have been debating with my husband whether we should get a handgun for home protection. You see, I have an intense fear of home invasions. I often have nightmares about it. I think part of it may stem from being robbed at gunpoint when I was […]

  • It Got Freaking Cold Overnight!

    I woke up this afternoon (I am a late sleeper lol), and as soon as I put my feet on the floor I noticed it was freezing! Fall hit overnight it seems! Or maybe even winter! So, I had to break out my Garfield fleece pajama bottoms, my thick black cat slipper socks, and my […]

  • Short Poetry – Poured Out

    Poured Out By: Maranda Russell Why do I feel like my poetry sucks? I try to write, only to find myself empty, poured out like milk and starting to curdle.

  • Poetry – Anxiety Lament

    Anxiety Lament By: Maranda Russell Clenched teeth and clenched fists accompany defiant eyes. I have high expectations but I avoid them all. Sick in the stomach, sick in the head, sick of this life. I would cry, but I never penciled it in today.

  • I Survived the Birthday Party!

    A few of you seemed like you wanted an update about how my husband’s birthday party went yesterday (if you didn’t read my post yesterday, you can find it here). Most of the really bad nerves happened before the party and on the way there, which is pretty normal for me. I had an IBS […]

  • Birthday Party Anxiety

    Today is my husband’s birthday. At his work (he teaches special education), they are holding a special party for him this afternoon and his coworkers reached out to invite me. I am going to go, but I must admit I am nervous. I’ve never actually met his coworkers since they are fairly new, so that […]

  • A Night Full of Nightmares

    Last night I had a bunch of nightmares. In fact, I woke up feeling like that was all I did all night – face some of my darkest fears. These nightmares didn’t feature vampires, ghosts, ax murderers, clowns, or spiders…they featured the person I love the most in the world, my husband. In these dreams […]