Joker Movie – Thoughts and Feelings

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First off, I think this is a great film to really make you think about society and some of the true causes of violence and group anger. This movie can be interpreted many different ways and honestly can make you forget that it has anything to do with the superhero universe. It is gritty and realistic. Phoenix gives an amazing performance, just as everyone has been raving.

Now, on to my actual thoughts and feelings. The first 3/4 of the movie or so is just incredibly sad. I was actually relieved when it started turning to senseless violence because it was a break from the sadness, even though you knew the violence stemmed from that abuse and pain shown in the earlier parts of the movie. My heart ached for this man’s mistreatment at the hands of others all his life, partly because I have also experienced abuse and trauma for much of my life.

This movie brought to the surface many questions I have asked myself my entire life about accountability and assigning fault. In the Joker’s case, he has obvious mental health issues, seems to have suffered severe brain damage as a child, and would likely score sky high on the ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) test. The brain damage, trauma, and abuse together may have not allowed this man to have any other kind of ending than the tragic one we see.

Think of it this way, we know that trauma can dramatically change an adult’s personality (think of veterans with PTSD). We also know that brain damage as an adult can make a kind, loving person cruel and abusive (think of athletes who have suffered severe brain damage and underwent entire personality shifts). Now, imagine these things happening to the brain of a child while the child’s brain is still developing. Also, imagine that the child doesn’t get medical care for the injury or illness quickly as the athlete or veteran hopefully would, so there is no hope of minimizing damage or healing appropriately. How much damage can that do to the child’s brain and personality?

It also makes me think about family legacies where abuse, malignant personality disorders, and mental illness have reigned for generations (much like my own family and probably Joker’s from what little we can see in the film). I’m fairly positive that most of my “ill” family members developed their personality disorders in very early childhood as is believed to be the case in psychology. From childhood they never developed empathy the way they should have. They never grew out of the petulance of the 2-3 year old attitude. Although they seemed terrifying to me when I was a child, I almost feel sorry for them now because they are permanently stuck in immaturity.

I wish they showed empathy, but I ask myself how I can expect someone to show something that they have never had. How can I realistically ask them to be something they could not be even if they wanted to be? Some might think this way of thinking is defeatist, but I simply see it as realistic. It does help keep my hopes from getting too high only to be dashed yet again.

 

Joker and American Horror Story Fun

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Today my husband and I finally have the time to go see the Joker movie. I am really excited. I hear it is quite dark and nihilistic, similar in some ways to the Heath Ledger version of the Joker from The Dark Knight movie. I know it probably doesn’t help my depression, but I love dark, bleak movies like that.

Maybe I relate to them because of my depression. I have too much empathy for people to become a mass murderer or abuser, but I must admit that there are many times that I feel like life is pointless, everything we do is pointless, happiness is pointless, pain is pointless, etc. I feel like that most often when in a severe depressed state. I think that is why I look up to artists like Kurt Cobain, Vincent Van Gogh, Edvard Munch, Sylvia Plath, etc., because they expressed similar feelings at times.

This week I also have been catching up on the tv show American Horror Story and watched the 8th Season called Apocalypse. I loved this season! They brought back the witches from the Coven season which was one of my favorites, and I always love an apocalypse-themed story, but my favorite part of the season was Michael Langdon. Partly because I found him kind of hot, and partly because I found him often hilarious as the Antichrist. The poor guy showed us how uniquely stressful and confusing it could be to try to figure out how to bring about the end of days! Why doesn’t this “son of satan” stuff come with a guidebook???

Party Like It’s Your Birthday…

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Yesterday was my 36th birthday! I had a great day! My mother and her new husband, Bruce, took me and my husband out to eat at Perkins where I had some delicious spiced pear and cranberry waffles, then we went back to my house and visited for a while. Those of you who follow my blog regularly probably know I have a rocky relationship with my mother at times, but yesterday was actually really nice.

My mom also gave me some gifts, including cash and all this stuff:

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The llama dances to the tune of “Pocket Full of Sunshine” and is so adorable!!!

After my mom and Bruce left, my husband gave me his gifts for me:

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The t-shirt is awesome since I adore black cats and that lyric is from one of my all-time favorite songs (by Simon & Garfunkel). The black skeleton candle and Hello Kitty card are big favorites too!

A good friend of mine also sent me a little care package which was extremely sweet:

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I’m looking forward to reading that book since the movie looks pretty cool too. And you can never go wrong with ponies and cats!

Overall, I had a great day! Thank you to everyone who helped make it special!

Puzzles! Snowgies, Belle’s Books, and Jojo Siwa!

Lately I’ve been really into doing jigsaw puzzles. I normally do smaller ones because bending over something for too long tends to irritate my degenerative disc disease and bulging discs in my neck. I even recently bought a lap-desk so that I could do puzzles while laying in the recliner.

My favorite puzzles to do are vintage ones that I pick up at thrift stores, especially ones that remind me of my childhood. But I do buy newer ones occasionally if I see some I can’t resist. The other day I found a few at Dollar Tree and thought I would share the finished pictures:

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This first one is obviously from Disney’s movie “Frozen”, and the main reason I got it was the adorable snowgies! I love those little guys!

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This second one I loved because I have always admired Belle’s bookishness. It is something I can definitely relate to! It is funny to see her loading down the beast with books too.

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Ok, to be honest, I find Jojo Siwa a little bit annoying, but there is still a part of me that is happy to see her succeeding since I watched her from the beginning in Lifetime’s “Abby’s Ultimate Dance Competition” and later on “Dance Moms”. Now she is obviously quite famous and working closely with Nickelodeon. I try to support all the girls off “Dance Moms”, and while Jojo is far from my favorite, I am still happy to see her doing so well.

Feeling Invisible

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Any of you ever feel invisible? Most likely, you are human, so you have felt that way at some point in your life. Unfortunately, I feel that way a lot. I’m not sure if it is the bipolar, the autism, or the fact that I am simply a hermit, but I struggle with feelings of invisibility a lot and sometimes feeling like I don’t even really exist, which is a super weird feeling in itself.

Anyhow, as I was feeling pretty darn invisible lately, I looked up some quotes about the feeling and decided to share a few of my favorites here:

“It would be too easy to say that I feel invisible. Instead, I feel painfully visible and entirely ignored.” ~ David Levithan

“I am invisible, understand, simply because people refuse to see me.” ~ Ralph Ellison

“But most days, I wander around feeling invisible. Like I’m a speck of dust floating in the air that can only be seen when a shaft of light hits it.” ~ Sonya Sones

And lastly, some words from our old friend Eeyore:

“I didn’t notice you were here.”
“That’s all right,” Eeyore said as he sat down. “Nobody ever does.”

Maleficent movie review – Disney keeps heading in a good direction

Angelina Jolie in "Maleficent"
Angelina Jolie in “Maleficent”

Recently I went to see Disney’s new film “Maleficent”. At first I wasn’t sure if I wanted to see it because I have never been an Angelina Jolie fan, but the movie pleasantly surprised me. I love the backstory – getting to see Maleficent’s childhood and why she grew up to be a “villain”. I have always adored stories of revenge and redemption, and Maleficent definitely fits into that category.

Probably my favorite thing about the movie though is that Disney continued their recent trend of not relying on the prince to “save the day” or to save the “poor defenseless female”. Looks like Disney finally has caught on that many women and little girls want to be strong, independent, feminine and loved all at the same time.

Like “Brave” and “Frozen”, “Maleficent” features love that is both redeeming and sacrificial…but it isn’t a romantic love relationship that appears the strongest. In “Brave”, the most important love relationship throughout the movie was Merida’s relationship with her mother. In “Frozen”, the love of sisters took center stage. I won’t spoil “Maleficent” by revealing too much, but once again, it is not romantic love that saves the day. I am so thrilled to see that other loving relationships are finally getting the attention they deserve. I have nothing against romantic love, I am happily married myself. But I have always believed that other kinds of love can be just as strong, if not stronger. Acts of true love between family members, friends, pets and occasionally even strangers can make as much of an impact on a life as any romantic relationship.

I hope that Disney continues to explore love in all its many forms. As for “Maleficent”, if you haven’t seen it yet, I would definitely recommend it. It is surprisingly sweet and funny, with good acting and lovely visual effects. Know that it does not follow the earlier Disney version of Sleeping Beauty exactly, but it is an interesting and magical story on its own. Don’t think of it as “replacing” the old classic, but instead, just telling another side of the story.

Thoughts on the new ‘Jane Eyre’ movie

Tonight my mother and I went to go see the new ‘Jane Eyre’ adaptation featuring Mia Wasikowska and Michael Fassbender.  I considered dragging my husband and foster son along, but since they seemed more excited at the prospect of being castrated, I decided to leave them at home.  I’m glad I did, otherwise I’m sure my husband would have fallen asleep and my foster son would have been whining about being bored the whole time.

However, do not take that last sentence as an insult to the film.  In fact, many of my favorite movies bore the male members of my family to distraction (perhaps because the majority of our male population lacks emotional depth and appreciation for movies without battle scenes).  Now, on to the film itself…

I have been a fan of ‘Jane Eyre’ for many years, so I went to see this movie with several other beloved film versions and the book itself in mind.  Even though I did find a few flaws with the film, overall, it was worth watching.  I didn’t really like the way the movie kept bouncing back and forth between present time and flashbacks, but that was mainly because I was worried that my mother (who was unfamiliar with the story) would have a hard time following what was going on.  Luckily, she was able to catch on fairly quickly.

I also felt that the film didn’t give enough attention to Jane’s years living with her aunt and at Lowood.  These years were very important to the development of Jane’s character and shouldn’t have been rushed so much.  Previous versions of the film did seem to do these scenes better.

As for the acting, Mia did a fine job as Jane and I loved Fassbender as Mr. Rochester.  The passion and brooding misery that is Mr. Rochester came out loud and clear.  The little girl that played Adele wasn’t quite the enchanting little entertainer I expected, so I felt that character fell a bit short.  The revelation scene where Jane finds out about Mr. Rochester’s first wife also seemed a bit flat.  I didn’t think that they completely illustrated how insane this woman is supposed to be.

Overall, this movie is worth watching, but is probably not the best version of this classic story.  The cinematography of the film is very dark and subdued, but beautiful in its own simple way.  A few of the shots at first were shaky and almost made me dizzy, but the film soon smoothed out.