I woke up today feeling like I just needed to get out, so went to do a bit of shopping, nothing too exciting as you can see here, but hey, sometimes even routine errands can help get our minds off heavy stuff.
First I stopped at Walmart. As you can see, I am still feeding my Coca Cola addiction. The cough drops are for the hubby who woke up feeling crappy today, and the Carmex is because I’m having some lip pimple or cold sore issues that are driving me crazy. I rarely EVER buy makeup. Lip balm and this kind of Covergirl foundation powder are about all I ever do. Honestly, it isn’t even necessarily an aversion to makeup, but just that #1, I never really learned to do my own makeup, and #2, makeup is expensive and I would rather buy more fun things normally!
I also went to Goodwill, where I found a sweatshirt that was super comfy and almost brand new. Ironically enough, the sweatshirt I bought at Goodwill was almost the exact same price as this brand new t-shirt I bought at Walmart. It seems a little ridiculous to me that Goodwill prices are now about as high as Walmart prices! I know sweatshirts cost more than t-shirts anyhow, but still…
I think the best part of getting out of the house though is just cruising in the car, with the windows down, and cranking up the volume on some of my favorite albums. That might be one of the most therapeutic treatments for depression.
The last couple days I’ve been in the mood to listen to the Hannah Montana movie soundtrack. If you’ve never heard the soundtrack, it is classic Disney with insanely catchy silly and uplifting songs sung by Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana, Billy Ray Cyrus, Rascal Flatts, Taylor Swift, and others. It definitely has more than a little bit of a country twang to it.
One of my favorite songs on the soundtrack is definitely “The Climb”, which is the song that is probably most well-known from the album since it did receive some mainstream radio air time. The lyrics to this song really speak to me as someone who struggles every single day with countless mental and physical issues. I often feel like life is always an uphill battle for me. I’m often tempted to just give up, but luckily I always manage to find at least a little bit more of a fighter deep inside of me.
I must say Miley does a fantastic job of vocally emoting the feelings being sung about in the song. If you are unfamiliar with the lyrics of the song, I would like to encourage you to listen to it below and really let the lyrics sink in:
I met an art snob yesterday. People like that really get to me. I understand that views of what is “good” or “bad” art are very subjective, and everyone has the right to their own opinion on the matter, regardless of whether others agree or not. However, when I meet someone who believes that their personal views on art are perfect and they refuse to even allow room for argument or debate, it makes me frustrated and honestly makes me want to never talk to them about art again.
I feel much the same way about music snobs. Like most people, I have definite preferences when it comes to music, and there are artists and bands I personally find much more talented and introspective than others, but I never understood the need many seem to have to “shame” others for their musical tastes. I have eclectic musical tastes myself, just a few days ago I was in a Marilyn Manson mood, and then the very next day I was popping in a Carpenters cd. But if I suddenly want to listen to 90’s boy bands, Katy Perry, or the Hannah Montana soundtrack, I’m going to do so without feeling guilty.
If I had to choose a song to represent how I honestly feel about myself and my life most of the time these days, this song would definitely be near the top. It isn’t actually even my favorite Matchbox 20 song (which would be hard to narrow down anyhow, but would likely be something off their first or second album), but the lyrics hit home in a way that not a lot of songs do. I don’t hear voices (other than my own endlessly chattering inner monologues), but at this point, I wouldn’t be all that surprised if someday I started lol.
I think the saddest line in this entire song is “But soon enough, you’re gonna think of me and how I used to be…”, which also happens to be the line that hits home for me the hardest. A few years ago, this wasn’t me. Back then I had repressed so much that I was able to function at least, but when my sister committed suicide, it was like the floodgates opened and all the repressed memories came flooding in at the same time that all of my carefully crafted defenses came crashing down. My mental and physical health took a nosedive and has been sinking further and floundering since. Sometimes I’m almost angry at my sister for killing herself and thereby forcing me to face what I had always ran away from or purposefully pushed aside.
This bicycle themed ACEO painting I made recently reminds me of the often underappreciated Queen song:
“I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my bike
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride it where I like…”
I don’t feel like writing today. I don’t feel like moving today. I feel like becoming a permanent bump on the couch and eating no bake cookies all day while listening to sad 90’s music. That’s ALL I feel like doing today.
Hello! Today I’m sharing my most recent fan Q&A video from my YouTube vlog. In it I discuss my favorite musicians besides Michael Jackson and Nirvana, whether I believe having high-functioning autism makes it harder to have a romantic relationship, and exactly what kind of suicidal thoughts I have had in the past and why I hope people get help if they themselves are struggling with thoughts like that. If any of you have a question for me you would like answered in a future video, please ask in the comments section of this post or the video itself!