Maybe it is the bipolar, but I tend to go through cycles where I stop taking my antidepressant or bipolar medicine because I start thinking either it doesn’t really work for me, I decide I would rather try natural alternatives, or I start thinking that the new agers are right and the pharmaceutical industry is trying to poison us all or trying to block or destroy our pineal gland with the medicine so that we can’t have real, meaningful spiritual experiences (or so that we can’t exercise any innate psychic powers – whatever they may be).
During these times, I do at least taper off. I’m not stupid. I don’t do the cold turkey thing. And honestly, I DON’T notice much of a difference with some of the meds, even after being off them for a month or more. However, I do notice a difference with the antidepressant and I notice it quickly. I’m not sure sometimes though if it is really the medicine or my fear of going off of it since I have taken antidepressants for YEARS and feel almost dependent on them at this point.
Anyone else experience anything like this cycle of suspicion, doubt, and desire to be off the psych meds for good?
Last night I went to a candle magic painting class. It was a lot of fun, but harder than it looks! The “magic” part of it is that we used some runes/esoteric symbols for inspiration. Here is how my rune/symbolic candle turned out:
I took some liberty with the symbols and even created a couple of my own. I wanted my candle to have a bit of an Egyptian feel, which I think the black scythe and the black and gold detail does give a bit of that impression.
We also painted a tealight candle, and while mine started out as a symbol for Hades, the candle was NOT easy to paint on and it kind of turned into an abstract expressionistic painting, but I still like it:
It looks a little like a tormented soul in Hades to me, so that works I suppose ♥
Lately I’ve been thinking that I really want to embrace positivity and “raise my vibration” as they say in spiritual circles. I want to fear life less and feel more secure in who I am. I want to learn how to extend the dedication and loyalty to myself that I so easily give to those closest to me.
I want to focus more on love, peace, hope, joy, and oneness, and focus less on division, anger, despair, and apathy. To be honest, I feel that I’ve somewhat been stuck in a mire of negativity and pessimism since my sister killed herself six years ago. The trauma from that event caused such a raging storm of guilt, confusion, pain, regret, and loss of faith in anything I used to believe in.
I don’t want to undo the last six years, because I feel I have learned a lot and some of the things I have let go of needed to be let go, but I need to learn how to live for myself and my future now. I can’t change the past, but I can shape a better, brighter future.
I want to make a difference in other peoples’ lives too. I want to inspire and encourage others. I want to learn how to trust again.
As I mentioned recently, now that I have a new, better phone, I (hopefully) plan to start making YouTube videos again more regularly. I figured I would occasionally share videos here on my blog too in case any of you are interested.
This one that I made yesterday is just a fun overview of my newest favorite paganish/mythological toys/collectibles and books:
Aren’t these Anubis and Bastet figures (the two in the back) I got at Indianapolis Children’s Museum adorable? I put together a cute little display featuring them (along with their more traditional figures), a raven/wolf candle made by Tamed Wild, and some feathers and seedpods. I think my next display will be unicorn inspired. I enjoy doing these little seasonal (or just random) decorations.
Yesterday was busy! In the morning, my husband and I went to a program at our local library put on my Wright Patterson Air Force Base about the history of UFOs and Project Blue Book (one of the programs that they had to investigate UFO reports). It was interesting, although obviously they didn’t share anything major about government secrets or possible cover-up programs.
The guy giving the speech did have a good sense of humor. I especially enjoyed this graphic he shared:
In the evening, we went to a local church for a meditation group. We did an hour of meditation called the “Twin Hearts” meditation which focused mostly on the heart and crown chakras. After that, we did some fun Tarot card readings just for kicks.
It was kind of funny, because I’ve studied the Tarot system and symbology, but my husband who has never done any card reading at all was called “more advanced” by the instructor. I will have to admit though that he surprised me with his perceptiveness and the things he saw and felt from the cards which I never would have thought of. He normally struggles to get out of his left brain thinking, but I guess maybe images help him to do so.
We used two separate decks, a dragon themed one and an archangels themed one. My favorite was the dragons!
Every once in a while I have a dream where I realize in the middle of it that I am dreaming and I have the ability to take the dream over and do whatever I want to do. Last night this happened again. I became aware that I was dreaming and that nothing I saw around me was real, but instead of deciding to fly off to some other land or into outer space, I decided to stick around the environment I was already in and see what my sleeping mind had conjured up out of nothing.
It was actually rather fascinating to study the “set” of my dream. I noticed all the little details – the plants (color/shape/flowers), I noticed how a few rocks were randomly scattered over the ground and even counted them, wondering if the number had any significance. I felt the textures around me, including puffy cotton balls growing off to the side, marveling at how real it felt to my touch, even though I knew none of it was real.
I wish I remembered every single detail that I studied, but like most dreams, once I woke up, bits of it started to fade like wisps of smoke. I do remember it was an outdoor setting obviously and there was a small bridge and a stream of water. I would almost say it was a little like a Monet water garden painting.
It always interested me that I’ve heard some experts claim we don’t dream in color, but if that is true, they obviously have never visited my dreams!!! I feel texture, pain, and pleasure in my dreams. I taste. I smell. I hear. When I am there, it is just as real as where I am right this minute.