Tag: ptsd

  • All Over the Place

    All Over the Place

    Lately I’ve been all over the place emotionally. I’ve especially been struggling with feelings of rage (I even stabbed an inflatable black cat to death), panic, and dread. Often I find myself laying in bed and these feelings come over me, settling like a heavy blanket around me, so that I feel like I can’t […]

  • The Need to Protect Abusers

    The Need to Protect Abusers

    Unfortunately, I’ve faced a great deal of abuse in my somewhat short lifespan. Physical abuse, verbal abuse, mental abuse, and emotional abuse. Most of this abuse happened when I was growing up and happened at the hands of people I should have been able to trust and look to for protection. There is a part […]

  • Bad Depression

    Bad Depression

    I’ve been really struggling with depression lately. And I mean really struggling. Like, can’t get out of bed struggling. Like sleeping more than half the day struggling. Even when I do finally get out of bed, I often find myself back in bed soon after, lying there staring at the wall and the ceiling for […]

  • Relationship PTSD

    Relationship PTSD

    Everywhere I go I fear I’ll find you. I skulk around the edge of each aisle, scanning faces to make sure it is safe. I play out our fearfully planned reunion again and again in my mind. When the inevitable collision happens, I consider speaking Spanish or pretending I don’t know you. In every scenario […]

  • Can You Keep a Secret?

    Can You Keep a Secret?

    Can You Keep a Secret? Written by: Maranda Russell Can you keep a secret? Will you hold it close, so close that it vibrates against your own heartbeat? Will you bite your tongue, your teeth slicing through your taste buds, leaving rows of bloody beads? Will you lock pinkies like we are kids once again, […]

  • Bad Night

    Bad Night

    Tonight was a bad night. The pain, isolation, and despair came crashing down so hard and fast that I crawled off the couch and collapsed onto the carpet, on my side, in a loose fetal position and just wept. I gripped the beige carpet fibers in my fingers and pulled as the tears pooled below […]

  • Fighting Fear

    Fighting Fear Written by: Maranda Russell I took fear by the hand and shook him until I heard the sound of his yellow bones popping in and out of place. I pushed him down the stairs, his skull cracking against the white, stone steps on his way to the finale. He hit the basement floor, […]

  • Repaint the Ceiling

    Repaint the Ceiling

    “Repaint the Ceiling” Written by: Maranda Russell Waking up, I lay there and wonder how long it would take to repaint the ceiling? Maybe a subtle, powder blue, or a rolling green sea? A buttery yellow, or a soft and gentle lilac? Something to take the edge off on the nights I’m cut open and […]

  • Video: My Experiences with Emotional Pain or Abuse from a Church or Religion

    Hi everyone! I wanted to share this video I made recently for my Spiritual Agnostic YouTube vlog channel, in the hopes that perhaps others who have experienced similar things or even much worse, might find some comfort and strength in knowing they aren’t alone and that it is possible to heal and move on from […]