My husband and I have been discussing potentially moving, which is stressful but also a little bit exciting. There are big positives and negatives to consider.
On the plus side, right now we live out in the middle of nowhere and everything is pretty far away. Our doctors, shopping centers, and my husband’s work are longer commutes than either of us like. Due to my anxiety and other issues, my husband has to drive me to many of my doctors’ appointments which means he has to take off work often. If we lived closer to my doctors I could probably take myself. Our internet options are also limited where we live, so we had to settle for satellite internet which is horrible service at a ridiculous price.
The negatives of moving would be that we do like our neighborhood. It is a beautiful, peaceful area out in the country that is well kept and our neighbors have been great so far. The areas we would be moving into would be closer to urban areas and would definitely not be as nice and would have higher crime rates since crime seems to be about zero around here. We also like having more space out here and not having neighbors too close. That would definitely change too.
This is a question I struggle with myself on a regular basis. Can abusers really ever change or is it just theater to try to pull you back in so they can mistreat you again? Should you ever let a prior abuser back into your life if they seem to have changed for the good?
None of these are easy questions and there are certainly many contributing factors that should be considered as well. Perhaps abusers who once had drug or alcohol addictions and have now gotten clean for a significant period of time will have changed enough to give them a second chance.
What about those who lived for years with undiagnosed, untreated mental illness and finally get the help they need? How much of the abuse was who they truly were and how much was the influence of the untreated mental illness? This scenario is one I personally have experienced to some extent with my own family. How much responsibility should they hold for the abuse, especially any times they may have actually dipped into psychosis?
I know many abusers find religion at some point in their lives and claim to have been completely changed. I must admit I am suspicious of this claim. Perhaps religion truly does change the hearts of some, but much of my personal experience has taught me that if someone is a bad person before they find religion, they will likely be a bad person after they find it. Superficialities may change, but does their behavior/attitude/actions?
Unfortunately, I have no real answers to the question of whether abusers can ever change, but I hope that they can. I would warn everyone to be cautious in extending an olive branch to anyone who has deliberately hurt you again and again, but I do understand the desire to believe in the power of change.
By: Maranda Russell
are drawn in peaceful beauty –
their ephemeral wings
tucked in tight,
their eyes closed
in gentle repose,
and their chubby palms
cupped beneath rosy cheeks –
but ask yourself
as you turn away,
what happens to their charges
while they slumber on the job?
Today I was inspired by a blog post from Judith over at Artistcoveries, in which she asks the question – Who do I want to be as an artist? I love thinking about stuff like this, so I wrote the question down in my journal and brainstormed my own answers. Here is what I came up with:
Who do I want to be as an artist?
- Unafraid to experiment
- Unafraid to offend
- Unafraid of mockery
- Confident in my creative abilities
- Willing to share the good, the bad, and the ugly of my art
- Use the materials I love, not feeling forced to use what is considered artistically “professional”
- Confident enough to charge what my art is worth (probably one of the hardest parts of being an artist in my opinion)
- I want to be loved and respected by other artists and art lovers, especially those in the autism, bipolar, and outsider art worlds
- I want to create what I like
- Overcome my fear of doing in-person art events (currently hindered by my crippling social anxiety)
- Monetarily successful enough to rely on my art for my general income
Do you relate to any of these wishes? Who do you want to be as an artist?
Here are a few important questions to ask yourself about your purpose and meaning in life! For fun, I have provided my own answers to them as an example! If you do answer these, I would recommend taking the time to write them down, think about them carefully, and be as honest as you can!
- What is your life work? My Answer: Writing, sharing ideas and emotions, creating art, advocating for and comforting others with autism, mental illness, and chronic pain/illness.
- What is the meaning of your life? What gives you purpose? My Answer: Inspiring others (kids, fellow Aspies, those with disabilities, other outsiders). Loving family, friends, and animals (loyalty).
- What is your passion? My Answer: Writing, spirituality, philosophy, psychology, toys, books, animals, art, creativity.
- What does the world lose if I wasn’t here? My Answer: A child-like, loving heart and spirit. Loss of inspiration and creativity. The loss of a voice crying out for justice and harmony. Loss of a unique thinker.
- What would it take to begin fully living my dreams today? My Answer: Time, the willingness to fail or be ridiculed, the possibility of being proven wrong, unwavering belief in myself, trust in what is meant to be, hope.
Hello everyone! I’ve actually had a few good days mentally, which has definitely been a welcome reprieve! Today I wanted to talk to my blog readers about whether they think I do a good balance of art vs mental or chronic illness posts. I have a passion both for art and for advocating and spreading awareness of mental and chronic physical illnesses. Sometimes I worry that maybe I am sharing too many posts about one subject or the other and may drive off readers who are interested more in the other topic.
So…it seems the best thing to do is to ask you guys. Do you think I strike a good balance? Do you have a preference for subject matter or do you just like to read whatever I share? I have thought about separating into two blogs, one focusing more on art and the other more on mental and physical illnesses, but I honestly don’t want to have to juggle two blogs. Sometimes I struggle just to keep up with one (mostly because of the chronic illnesses I suffer from).
Does the popcorn
make the movie
and the beer
make the bar?
that which has been
does the sum of its parts
create something new
or do you simply
all parties involved?
~ Maranda Russell
Admission time…I LOVE a good conspiracy. JFK. Roswell. 9/11. The Illuminati. Skull and Bones. I love it all. Sometimes I think conspiracy theorists can go too far (Sandy Hook being a hoax comes to mind), but overall, I’m willing to view evidence either way and see why people come up with the conspiracy theories they cling to. Sometimes the evidence makes me highly suspect foul play, even if I can’t prove it. And that’s the thing, I will tell others I suspect a potential false flag, but I won’t make a proclamation that I know the truth for sure. Of course I could be wrong. There are some things I do not believe were false flags that I could be wrong about too of course.
So with the Las Vegas shooting, I have been taking in media from a mainstream perspective as well as watching some videos and supposed “evidence” that the shooting may have actually been a state sponsored false flag (false flag does NOT mean it didn’t happen, just that the government planned it). I have not been convinced either way. The footage of gunfire possibly coming from the 4th floor is rather fascinating, but not conclusive proof. Of course motive is a question whether you believe the media narrative or the false flag narrative. False flags normally are done to demonize a group of people, give an excuse to start a war, or distract from something else the government doesn’t want you to notice is going on. With Trump in office, God only knows what they might try to distract us from!
Regardless of whether things like this are crazy people gone rogue or some kind of sinister plot cooked up in Washington, I do support banning high capacity assault weapons. In my opinion, normal people just don’t need access to those weapons. Of course, that doesn’t mean I trust the government either, but heavily armed governments vs heavily armed rebels just ends up with dead people everywhere. I like to believe there is another way to make change, which definitely needs to be made. I’ve studied how the US government supports terrorism around the world and it convinces me they are undoubtedly capable of inflicting such things on their own people should it suit them.
So yes, I do enjoy a good conspiracy and might post about them, but that doesn’t mean I am putting aside all skepticism. I’m just skeptical about both sides.