relationships

Why I Don’t Like Porn

| marandarussell

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I’ve never liked porn. It used to be because I was a Christian and felt like it was “sinful” to look at porn. After leaving the church, my moral beliefs about porn became confused, but I still felt that something was off about the whole thing.

So, being me, I started investigating the porn industry to try to figure out a logical moral stance on the issue. The first problem I came across is probably the most serious issue with porn in my opinion – far too many women (and probably some men too) in the porn industry are forced into the profession through human trafficking. In other words – SEXUAL SLAVERY. Additionally, many underage girls are used in porn and their ages are lied about.

Another issue I came across was the prevalence of violence and physical/verbal abuse (specifically towards women) to be found in porn. Some studies suggest that up to 90% of porn on the market features some kind of violence or abuse towards women. What do you think this does to the minds of young kids and teenagers who watch?

Lastly, porn has some real-life personal problems for men particularly. Porn has a real addictive quality to it. Many men get to the point where they can’t stop watching even if they want to. Many addicted men develop erectile dysfunction, even young guys, because watching porn often can make your brain unable to respond to any sexual stimuli other than porn. This has ruined many relationships, as men become unable to perform sexually with their wives, girlfriends, etc. Further, the secretive nature of addiction (if involved) can take a toll on any relationship.

One good website to find out more about these facts and porn studies is truthaboutporn.org. They feature a huge database dedicated to scientific studies about the harmful effects pornography can have.  They also explain how porn can damage individuals, relationships, and society in general.

Feel free to share your own thoughts, feelings, and experiences about porn in the comments if you wish! I have often wondered if maybe we need an “ethical” porn option (guaranteed to be free from sexual violence, abuse, trafficking and underage participants) , but even that wouldn’t address all of the harmful effects porn can have on individuals and relationships.

Suit Up for Battle

| marandarussell

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Have you ever had a relationship in your life, whether it be a family member, coworker, boss, neighbor, schoolmate, or other social acquaintance, who makes you feel like you need to prepare yourself for for battle every time you come in contact with them?

Perhaps they are masters of the subtle put-down, love to give sneaky guilt trips, always manage to make you feel inferior and “less than”, or simply bring out the worst in you, leaving you feeling regretful and exhausted after the encounter finally ends.

I have a meeting like this coming up soon and it has been stressing me out. While I was laying in bed a couple nights ago stressing about it, I suddenly realized how much effort I had to put into steeling myself before the encounter. I have to put on emotional and mental armor and make sure none of my weak spots are showing. I have to be strong and hide any reaction to their attempts to get to me while in their presence, otherwise it will only encourage them.

It made me sad to think that it has to be this way. It also made me realize why the whole experience causes me so much anxiety and exhaustion. Preparing for battle is exhausting!

Star Trek Exhibit Highlights at Indianapolis Children’s Museum

| marandarussell

Over the weekend my husband and I visited Indianapolis to see the Star Trek exhibit at the Indianapolis Children’s Museum. My husband was in heaven lol. I was there. I did find a few fun things to concentrate on though.

I annoyed my husband by sitting in the captain’s chair like this:

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My personal favorite in the exhibit was this painting of Data’s cat from The Next Generation, I would hang this in my house:

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My husband got assimilated and beamed up (along with a little friend):

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I did get to ride the museum’s carousel (one of my favorite things to do at any museum, zoo, or park). Unfortunately, I threw my hip out climbing onto it. I think from now on I may need to sit on the little benches on the carousel like all the other old, broken down bodies:

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I also got a photo op at Candyland:

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Now I am back home, exhausted, sore, and will probably need a few days to recuperate.

CFS/ME Flare Up and Park Outing

| marandarussell

It’s been a rough week physically. I had a CFS/ME flare-up, which feels a lot like mono if you’ve ever had that, or the worse flu you can imagine. During these flare-ups, I run a fever, my body aches horribly, I feel too exhausted to move, too exhausted to breathe, and if I sit up or stand up long, I feel faint. Trying to do the simplest tasks is overwhelming and can make me feel like passing out, even just putting up my dishes or trying to take care of my personal hygiene.

Yesterday I was finally feeling well enough to get out and since the weather was warm, my husband and I went for a picnic at a local park. We got subs and then after eating, walked the short distance to the lake edge. As you can see, it was pretty darn muddy:

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I’m glad we went, because I needed the mental distraction, but now I am really sore and exhausted from even that short bit of activity. Trudging through the mud really wore me out because the mud sticking to my shoes made my feet feel like they gained 10 pounds, and I almost slipped and fell a couple times. It probably wasn’t the brightest idea to go, but mentally I needed to feel alive again, even if just for a little while.

Valentine’s Day 2019 Gifts – Lots of Unicorns!

| marandarussell

I had a good Valentine’s Day yesterday!

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My husband and I went to Fazoli’s for a casual dinner because we just don’t find it worth it to go to nice restaurants on Valentine’s Day when it is so ridiculously busy and packed. We will go to a nice dinner in a few days when it is calmer lol.

I loved all the gifts I got! As you can tell, there was a unicorn theme! Lots of stuffed unicorns, a unicorn & mermaid coloring book, adorable sloth and donut socks, chocolate covered strawberries, and and awesome gudetama notebook and bananya (cats in bananas) pen.

When Someone You Loved Embraces Ignorance

| marandarussell

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I have to be careful how I word this post as there is a slight (but unlikely) chance the person I am talking about might read it. However, it has been weighing heavily on my mind so I wanted to talk about it.

There was a person in my personal life I was really close to for several years. I cared about them deeply and loved them like family. They were much younger than myself, so I tried to set a good example for them and be a sort of big sister to them. We spent much of our time together, partly out of necessity at the time and partly because I genuinely enjoyed their company.

Now they are all grown up and I am still in loose contact with them and seeing how they have turned out has kind of broken my heart. They have embraced some radical ideologies that are rude, ignorant, and sometimes bordering on mean or even cruel. I know I only had a real influence on them for a few years, but it still makes me feel like somehow I failed them that they have turned from such a thoughtful, sensitive, caring young person to a cold, bitter, angry, and sometimes hateful adult.

I still love them and know that goodness I knew inside of them must be there somewhere. I know they have had a rough life and many hurtful experiences, just as I had growing up. I wonder if I am being too hard on them. I know sometimes the other side goes way too far with political correctness, perhaps it is just a reactionary thing? Maybe they are just being young and foolish, like we all once were? I don’t know, but it still hurts my heart.