Short monologue – Time traveler

Why am I leaving?

No, I’m not traveling back in time to stop Hitler.

Nope, not Mao either.

Yeah, that whole holocaust thing was a disaster, but that’s not my assignment.

Nope, I’m not allowed to save JFK or MLK, even if I’d love to meet those two.

Yes, stopping slavery earlier would be noble, as would working to prevent the coming climate disaster.

Unfortunately, I’m being paid to go mess with history for one reason and one reason only…to stop the discontinuation of Cap’n Crunch Choco Donuts. Bezos loves his cereal.

Prose Poetry – Houseplants

I murder houseplants. Not intentionally, mind you, but the result is still the same…dead flowers, dead leaves, dead roots. I’m pretty sure I’ve even killed the dirt (if that’s possible).

Regardless, for some unintelligible reason, people keep gifting the little pots of green hope to me. I swear, sometimes I’m convinced I can hear their little floral voices begging for mercy and a swift end as their tiny veins dry out and the edges of their delicate fronds curl up, eventually crinkling, splintering, and fluttering down to settle on the ceramic base below.

Over time, I’ve learned to look away from this process, as it tends to bring me down. I only wish I could grant my victims a similar solace.

Trump Thinks I’m a Fan…

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I got an email today from Trump, thanking me for all my support and for being a part of “Trump Nation”…um, I can’t stand you dude.

Where does he get his information from? Does he just buy email lists and then pretend that you already support him, thinking that will somehow guarantee your support in the future? After all, if he says I’ve already supported his campaign, I guess I must have just forgotten, right?

And before you ask, no I am not a Biden supporter, and I was never a Hillary supporter either. I think the whole lot of them are pretty useless and corrupt.

I Wrote a Letter to the Air Force about Aliens…

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Last night I was talking to someone online when my memory was sparked about an amusing email letter I sent years ago to Wright Patterson Air Force Base, located here in Dayton. The letter was semi-serious and semi-trolling I suppose. I wanted it to be ridiculously humorous and maybe make the office staff who ended up reading it chuckle, but I was serious about the fact that I have always had an interest in the topic of aliens.

To my surprise, I found that I still had the email letter in my archive, so I thought I would share it now, just for laughs. Here is what I actually wrote and sent to the Air Force question box years ago lol:

“Hello! I know this might sound kind of like a joke, but it really isn’t. I’ve always been interested in aliens, UFO’s, and other paranormal stuff, and I hear you probably have aliens and/or UFO spacecrafts hidden on your base in underground tunnels or hangars or whatever.

I wanted to offer my services if you could use them in regards to your alien research/projects. I would prefer to work with greys I think (I hear they are the more intellectual and non-violent of the known alien species). Reptilians seem a bit hardcore.

I’m not sure what I could actually do to help, but maybe there is something? Perhaps I might be able to understand or relate to them since I myself am an RH Negative blood type and there seems to be some belief that we may be descended from aliens ourselves.

Also, I have been diagnosed with high-functioning autism, which some people think is some alien-related kind of human evolution. I don’t really like people much, so am great at keeping secrets.”

I never did get an official response, but I’m sure this probably got me put onto several lists…

Maybe I should contact Trump’s new Space Force?

Poetry – Tip Her

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(The following slightly risque poem was inspired by a passage from Ulysses by James Joyce, which turned out to be a lot dirtier (and nonsensical) than I thought it would be lol.)

Stop. Knocking.
Silly man!
Want women by the score?
Quit throwing flowers
at their feet
and singing sappy
songs outside
in your feathered cap.
Gifts? Words? Music?
No.
Tip her.
Tap her.
Top her.