Maranda Russell

Tag: self esteem

  • Art Show Anxiety – Past Wins, Future Failures? Am I Good Enough?

    Ok, so this past year I placed and won an award in a pretty prestigious art competition. One of those fancy ones where you have to pay hundreds of dollars to even go to the art show and sale, and the auction bids can get pretty crazy. It was for charity though, so I didn’t […]

  • Mixed State or Hell?

    The past few days have not been the greatest. I’ve been both super anxious and fairly depressed. I guess it is probably what most people would call a mixed state in the bipolar community. I feel on edge all the time. My brain is constantly telling me something is wrong and that I need to […]

  • Micro Poetry: Modern Women

    Modern women Obsessed with the hair on their heads At war with hair anywhere else (Poetry by Maranda Russell, marandarussell.com)

  • Spiral of Anxiety and Fear

    I am feeling so incredibly stressed about my upcoming SSDI hearing and everything related to it. It has become an obsessive thought pattern that I can’t get out of. This always happens when something I am super nervous or scared about is looming on the horizon. My mind is a circular track of “what ifs”, […]

  • Feeling Low After Lawyer Visit

    Today has been a rough day 😦 I had to get up early to go to an appointment with my lawyer to talk about my upcoming SSDI hearing in February. I woke up feeling exhausted, achy, and sick to begin with, my stomach and digestive system freaking out from the anxiety of the change in […]

  • Does Any of It Matter?

    Do you ever wonder if it all matters? I sure do. I try to be positive most of the time when I think about the things I do and whether they make a difference, but when I get depressed, the voices of doubt tend to get louder. They say some pretty mean things: Are you […]

  • Who Do I Want to Be as an Artist?

    Today I was inspired by a blog post from Judith over at Artistcoveries, in which she asks the question – Who do I want to be as an artist? I love thinking about stuff like this, so I wrote the question down in my journal and brainstormed my own answers. Here is what I came […]

  • A Bipolar Self Image

    Just like with my thoughts and feelings, my self image changes so wildly with my mood. A good example of this is my view of my looks and/or attractiveness. Most days I think I look average when I look in a mirror. I’m not delusional, thinking I am some kind of supermodel or show-stopping beauty, […]

  • I Refuse to Be a Social Media Doormat!

    Yesterday I had to make a choice to unfriend someone on Facebook, a choice that I hate to have to make, but am finding more necessary as time goes on. The person I ended up unfriending was an editor and small publisher I had worked with in the past, so there was a little bit […]

  • Things I Would REALLY Like to Say to My Past Abusers

    I don’t owe you anything! I’m nothing like you. You don’t own me and you never did. You deserve what you got. Sometimes I feel nothing for you. You are at fault for so much. You have no one to blame but yourself. You are lucky to have anyone who still cares. I’m a saint […]