Mother’s Day Drama and Us “Entitled” Millenials

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Sorry I haven’t written much lately. I’ve been focusing on other things, like trying to get back into vlogging on YouTube and starting up my Instagram. By the way, if you aren’t already following me on both of those, feel free to check them out!

Today I’m feeling pretty bad. I’ve had a high amount of anxiety, which seems to be partly left over from the weekend. Mother’s Day is always a little stressful because of the complicated relationship I have with my mother. I did go visit her in Indiana Sunday, which was a good time, but the trip and socialization really wore me out, not to mention all the mixed feelings I have whenever I spend time with my mom.

I experienced a variety of emotions, including sadness, regret, and sorrow. And as always, I feel a deep need for love from my mother, even though I’m not sure if she can always fill that need the way I desire. The last few times I have seen her, I have also been rather saddened to see her aging. I don’t know what it is, but seeing your parents visibly aging is so depressing.

I saw my psychiatrist today and it went ok, but left me feeling really down. Perhaps because we talked about my relationship with my mom, or maybe because he seemed hurried today and didn’t have a lot of time, which is easy to convert into feeling rebuffed when you are insecure like me. I often feel guilt about taking up people’s time anyhow, so when they seem in a hurry, it makes me feel even worse. I guess that is just my lousy self-esteem. It is funny that millenials are often described as so “entitled”, but I am completely the opposite! I don’t feel entitled to much of anything, including people’s time and attention….even when I’m paying for it!

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Crashing Mentally and Physically

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Today I am exhausted and not feeling well mentally or physically, but there are some things I HAVE to do that will keep me from laying in bed all day, which is what I would really rather be doing. I have to go get my allergy shots, which I have to do every single Monday for at least a year or two. Having allergies this bad sucks 😦

My husband and I also have to take in our car to get an alignment. It has been shaking pretty bad on the highway recently when you speed up or slow down, and we are hoping to take a short trip later this week, so we have to go drop it off today, which means I have to at least drive it there.

I’m not sure what is actually wrong with me today. I’ve been trying to eat better and am working on some of the eating disorder behaviors I recently mentioned in another post. I’m still doing my bipolar mood charting, and while I had a few energetic up days a few days ago, I am now definitely heading in the opposite direction. I feel like I’m crashing and I hope it doesn’t last too long this time.